Am I the only one who finds the comparison between EA/PA to be offensive/insensitive?

[Snowflower]

So, I've been thinking a lot about this thread and the other one about the EA vs. the PA. I guess this topic strikes close to home for me since my very first thread on LS was about the differences between each type of affair.

 

I still feel that it is not the norm for a MP to have a pure PA--unless they are serial cheaters/sex addicts. IMO, the two types of affairs are intertwined to varying degrees...some type of emotional involvement first and then the relationship often proceeds to the physical part.

 

As someone told me in that first thread that I started way back, an EA is a PA waiting to happen. So true! I guess that is why I hate it when an EA is referred to as "just" or "only" an EA. No way!

 

I was reading an article recently about the reactions of men vs. women when they find out their partner is cheating. Men, as predicted, focus on the physical/sex aspect. How many times? What positions, etc. Women tend to focus on whether their partner loves the other person.

 

So I thought back to when my H told me that he had crossed the line (he confessed)...and I will always remember the first question that came out of my mouth: did you sleep with her? I can't believe I phrased it so politely. My second question was if he loved her.

 

But, I guess I went for the PA question first...I'm still surprised that I KNEW what questions to ask. I had been totally blindsided but still knew the questions I had to know the answer to: EA, PA or both?

 

I was completely going by instinct. It was weird. And heartbreaking.

 

Okay, on that very depressing note, I'm off. Have a good weekend, everyone!

[bentnotbroken]

In my experience women tend to feel strongly about an EA.

 

Think about it from a biological standpoint. It's important for a woman to keep the guy around.... an EA cuts to the very heart of that. For a man its important to make sure you are the father of the kid you are raising.

 

 

Yeah, I don't fall in that catagory. As my brothers say...I am Abbynormal.

[DarkPrince]

I agree with the whole EA being a PA waiting to happen thing. In fact I am glad for EA's because I now see them as warning signs, which give you time to stop it before it goes any further. I only wish I had that knowledge years ago. I wouldnt even be on these boards if I did.

It frustrates me that most women dont see it that way, becuase it makes it harder to reconcile after a PA. The reason I still have issues over my wife's PA after all these years is that she minimizes the importance of the physical aspect of it.

Whenever we atlk about it, she goes into how he was a single father, and she felt bad, and bla, bla, bla.. but when I ask what they talked about while having intercourse, she gets upset, like it doesnt matter. I dont care about why she liked him. I want to know what positions, how they moaned, what dirty talk was said, did they kiss, where were the hands, all that stuff, and she wont answer any of them. Its like she sees them as inconsequential, when they mean everything to me.

If she would just come out and describe every single dirty detail, as if I was watching the act on hidden camera, I would have a much easier time getting past it.

 

And I think one of the reasons for this is I feel double betrayed that she wont disclose to me the full intimate details. Its like she wants she sex to remain a secret between them. Even after all these years, you would think she would just tell it all, but she refuses. It cant be any worse than what I imagine in my head, so I dont get why she wont put me out of my misery, and tell me. If I had a PA and all I had to do was tell my wife all the nasty sexual details Id me more than willing to tell her every last detail. ALot of people might not understand this, but if I knew all the details I could get past it. For some reason I feel like she is still keeping a secret by not sharing them with me, and that is why I still remain resentful after all this time.

Edited September 24, 2011 by DarkPrince

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I agree with the whole EA being a PA waiting to happen thing. In fact I am glad for EA's because I now see them as warning signs, which give you time to stop it before it goes any further. I only wish I had that knowledge years ago. I wouldnt even be on these boards if I did.

It frustrates me that most women dont see it that way, becuase it makes it harder to reconcile after a PA. The reason I still have issues over my wife's PA after all these years is that she minimizes the importance of the physical aspect of it.

Whenever we atlk about it, she goes into how he was a single father, and she felt bad, and bla, bla, bla.. but when I ask what they talked about while having intercourse, she gets upset, like it doesnt matter. I dont care about why she liked him. I want to know what positions, how they moaned, what dirty talk was said, did they kiss, where were the hands, all that stuff, and she wont answer any of them. Its like she sees them as inconsequential, when they mean everything to me.

If she would just come out and describe every single dirty detail, as if I was watching the act on hidden camera, I would have a much easier time getting past it.

 

And I think one of the reasons for this is I feel double betrayed that she wont disclose to me the full intimate details. Its like she wants she sex to remain a secret between them. Even after all these years, you would think she would just tell it all, but she refuses. It cant be any worse than what I imagine in my head, so I dont get why she wont put me out of my misery, and tell me. If I had a PA and all I had to do was tell my wife all the nasty sexual details Id me more than willing to tell her every last detail. ALot of people might not understand this, but if I knew all the details I could get past it. For some reason I feel like she is still keeping a secret by not sharing them with me, and that is why I still remain resentful after all this time.

 

It is the PA that would make me sick. The idea your SO was more open, did different things, was less inhibited about sex.....

 

I talk to my wife and want to share everything. If she does not want to share or open up (not physically) or vice versa and she can get that elsewhere it is not necessarily a bad thing. When one share their bodies and open up sexually where they wouldn't with a spouse that on top on the physicality is what cuts and hurts the deepest.