babyygirllhi Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Its been 3 months since my ex of 1 year dumped me and I still have days where I cry like a baby and miss him unbearably. I'm 24 and he's 22. I sit and try to figure out how he can't miss me the way I miss him. Getting into the relationship it was obvious he was a selfish guy, not wanting to commit and into building himself as a person. I felt it during the entire ralationship and he knew I did. He visited where I'm from and loved it, and he was supposed to move with me, but I ended up going alone after he dumped me. The thing is, while breaking up he said he's still in love, misses me and will miss me but needs to be alone. I can't put into words the amount of love I have for this guy. I'm moving on, but it's been the hardest time of my life and it's made me sick and depressed. It's been NC for 3-4 weeks. Feels like forever. I'm going out and meeting people and living my life, but I will never meet anyone who makes me feel better. He was a horrible boyfriend, like just not there, not ready, yet I still felt so unbelievably amazing with him and I opened him up and he made me feel so alive, so unreal, and we were so attracted and best friends, but he wants to be alone and says I'm perfect but he just needs to be alone. Was it me??? How can he push me away? How can being alone be better? And most of all, how do I let go to this guy that is seriusly my best friend and the love of my life? How can I love him so much even when he doesn't want me?! We truly were best friends, would do anything for eachother, laughed and could talk for hours. See life the same way and just everything was there except he wants to be alone, independent. And he even said he "cant lie, he sees it possible we get back together but it wont be for years." he said that after saying we will never be together, then started crying and told me that. Anyone else like this? Why does he need to be alone so bad? Was it actually that he wasn't happy with me? I won't break NC bc I won't be able to handle it , but I keep wondering "why?!?!?" :/ Edited September 22, 2011 by babyygirllhi
Drift Wood Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Its been 3 months since my ex of 1 year dumped me and I still have days where I cry like a baby and miss him unbearably. I'm 24 and he's 22. I sit and try to figure out how he can't miss me the way I miss him. Getting into the relationship it was obvious he was a selfish guy, not wanting to commit and into building himself as a person. I felt it during the entire ralationship and he knew I did. He visited where I'm from and loved it, and he was supposed to move with me, but I ended up going alone after he dumped me. The thing is, while breaking up he said he's still in love, misses me and will miss me but needs to be alone. I can't put into words the amount of love I have for this guy. I'm moving on, but it's been the hardest time of my life and it's made me sick and depressed. It's been NC for 3-4 weeks. Feels like forever. I'm going out and meeting people and living my life, but I will never meet anyone who makes me feel better. He was a horrible boyfriend, like just not there, not ready, yet I still felt so unbelievably amazing with him and I opened him up and he made me feel so alive, so unreal, and we were so attracted and best friends, but he wants to be alone and says I'm perfect but he just needs to be alone. Was it me??? How can he push me away? How can being alone be better? And most of all, how do I let go to this guy that is seriusly my best friend and the love of my life? How can I love him so much even when he doesn't want me?! We truly were best friends, would do anything for eachother, laughed and could talk for hours. See life the same way and just everything was there except he wants to be alone, independent. And he even said he "cant lie, he sees it possible we get back together but it wont be for years." he said that after saying we will never be together, then started crying and told me that. Anyone else like this? Why does he need to be alone so bad? Was it actually that he wasn't happy with me? I won't break NC bc I won't be able to handle it , but I keep wondering "why?!?!?" :/ If he really loved you he wouldn't leave you out of the blue like this. Well, that's what most people would say. He probably somewhere at a point lost that spark and wants to assess his needs at the moment. NC might make him realize what he's losing, but suggesting that it won't be years before you guys get back together sounds kind of foolish. A lot of things can happen in just a year. A lot of those kinds of questions rush through my mind. It makes me question if it was my fault and at times I completely blame myself for what happened. I too still feel alone even when I surround myself with people. There's just no one that can fill that void at the moment. I'm still wondering why my EX left me as well. She told me I was very loving, but not for her. I opened up and everything as well. It's been 2 months for me and I'm still struggling to cope. It's been 5 weeks since NC and 8 weeks since the BU. We just have to continue with our lives and make ourselves better. For now do not sit around waiting for something to happen. Cheers, - D
Yuzuki Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It's been 2.5 months of NC for me and I also still cry every 2-3 days. If I'd only been NC for a few weeks like you, it would probably be much worse. So I guess I just want to say you're not alone in this. NC works, but very slowly. I don't always feel better than I did one or two weeks before, but if I compare myself now to one or two months ago, I cry less and feel a bit better. So, try to hang in there and don't feel bad about crying. If you feel you have to, then just do it. It helps.
Karala Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Don't worry, 3 months is not a long time, and 3 weeks NC is really nothing (I mean, it's a lot in terms of accomplishment! But too short a period of time to bring you relief already). You will get over this in time, if you want to, and if you stick to NC. From what you said, it's also likely that you will find someone better, he clearly wasn't a good boyfriend to you and let you down in several ways. Also, like I said in another post, no one "needs to be alone", it's just a lame excuse dumpers use to try and spare your feelings when they want out of the relationship. They're really doing you a disservice in the end because you then spend an awful lot of time agonising about the how's and why's, when actually there isn't that much to obsess over because the reasons they gave you are not the real reasons. The real reasons hurt like a bitch but once you get your head around them, you're free to move on. Aaaaand... the real reason is ALWAYS, that he just wasn't that into you. And you're still fabulous. It's not like they're the certified expert about your value to this world. Hang in there, it takes a while but it does get better!
radiodarcy Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Karala is right. 3 weeks of NC is good but it's still not enough time to grieve a break up. especially from someone you truly loved. i was still shed a tear or two and i'm close to 7 months. granted it's not as much as it was in the first few months of NC. but it's normal. let yourself have that cry. getting everything out will help you mourn the loss of the relationship and heal.
Author babyygirllhi Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 What upsets me the most is him saying he is still on love. He took a train 1 hour to see me for the last time before I moved and when we saw eachother, we walked fast, jumped into eachothers arms, giggled, held eachothers faces, kissed and trembled, then he picked me up and just held me, giggled etc for a few minutes before walking hand in hand to my place. That night was amazing, and when we had sex he would tremble and say like "you make my whole body shake" and he said it in this cute, shy way. We talked all night and spent the next day together. We held eachother tight before saying bye and both cried. Then about 1 week later he wrote "you are an amazing person, I miss you and will miss you." How do I not ask "why?!" I guess it's obvious he has his own issues he needs to deal with alone, but omg I miss him and I wonder how much he misses me. Or if one day he will miss me unbearably or of the fact that he could break up with me means he doesn't love me enough and never will
Karala Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 What upsets me the most is him saying he is still on love. He took a train 1 hour to see me for the last time before I moved and when we saw eachother, we walked fast, jumped into eachothers arms, giggled, held eachothers faces, kissed and trembled, then he picked me up and just held me, giggled etc for a few minutes before walking hand in hand to my place. That night was amazing, and when we had sex he would tremble and say like "you make my whole body shake" and he said it in this cute, shy way. We talked all night and spent the next day together. We held eachother tight before saying bye and both cried. Yeah... he still broke up with you. the fact that he could break up with me means he doesn't love me enough and never will this.
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