mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 So, I made a thread last week how I'll never go after this girl with BF because she isn't receptive to it and it's a waste of time and it hurts too much. Well, it doesn't hurt nearly as much to wait on her and I really am bananas about her. She flirts with me, I flirt with her. I think I know who her boyfriend is and I feel ambivalent towards him, as he does not seem a huge threat. I like him. But that doesn't mean I won't do my damnest to take make this girl mine. Before you say "move on", "dickhead", "find another", "you're an *******", etc.... She really makes me feel different. She's the kind of girl that makes me want to shape up, wake up early, clean my apartment or buy a new one, get a better car(cause I don't give a sh*t about what I drive even though I can afford luxury cars), and spend money on her. I want to talk to her and see her every day. In other words, I ain't playing. So, without throwing hate, let's discuss some of the ways to win her over if there was an opening for that. She's 18, younger than me by 6 years and her guy is about same age. Here is what I think: 1) Flirting: compliments and humor 2) Asking about her guy, if everything is good if she has a good time 3) Jokingly asking her out 4) Not flirting if her guy is around(I think they work same shift once in a while) 5) Telling her that she's often the highlight of my day and I will miss her till later 6) All joking aside, tell her that I like her very much and would like to take her out for a relaxing evening or afternoon that she deserves- but not actually creating close-ended question of "Yes" "No" to avoid awkwardness. 7) Smile a lot 8) 9) 10) 11)TBC.... 12) 13) 14) 15) All this is designed to create a spot in her mind and to remind her of me. Telling her, I am a happy guy, and that I like her and I ain't going away. Make her wonder how it would feel to be with me. Goddammit, why can't I just give up sometimes????????????????????
dizy Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I am usually very judgmental when it comes to people trying to steal others' bf/gf, but she is 18, and if she is flirting intensely with you, she probably doesn't care about her bf that much. that being said, are you sure she is not too young/too immature for you? why would she go out with a guy that she is half interested in at the first place? I don't think you need any specific strategy, just be who you are, and show her that you really like her. whether she will break up with her bf for that it will be her decision. after all, maybe she is also only half interested in you =/
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Goddammit, why can't I just give up sometimes???????????????????? because you have deep issues that are probably going to persist through most of the rest of your life-time :X
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 after all, maybe she is also only half interested in you =/ I can work with that. I'm pretty sure her interest will intensify if we go an a date or two. I wasn't interested in her much at all, when I first bothered to talk her up and ask her out(hence where I knew the boyfriend story, even though she didn't mention him).
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I am usually very judgmental when it comes to people trying to steal others' bf/gf, but she is 18, and if she is flirting intensely with you, she probably doesn't care about her bf that much. that being said, are you sure she is not too young/too immature for you? why would she go out with a guy that she is half interested in at the first place? I don't think you need any specific strategy, just be who you are, and show her that you really like her. whether she will break up with her bf for that it will be her decision. after all, maybe she is also only half interested in you =/ She's probably not "flirting intensely" with him. Most of it is probably in his head. I've met many a men who illustrate and exaggerate very basic / friendly and common behavior and make it all out to be something it's not. And she already let him know she's taken. He's apparently been "rejected" more than once. OP - what happened to the girl in class that you were going to move on with? (or something like that).
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 because you have deep issues that are probably going to persist through most of the rest of your life-time :X I love you onyx. Unlike your boyfriend I have a future, and that's because I don't give up on things. In business, all types of **** flies your way, good and bad. You just dust yourself off and keep plowing along. I am not a quitter, and that is a deep issue, indeed. More people need to have those type of issues. We'd cure cancer, create fully sustainable energy by now, and wars would be a thing we read in history books.
snowflakes88 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Wait. We're not talking about the same girl from the other thread, are we? The one who flatly rejected you twice already? And after that, you declared she was a bitch and that you'd lowered your standards to like her? Same girl?
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Wait. We're not talking about the same girl from the other thread, are we? The one who flatly rejected you twice already? And after that, you declared she was a bitch and that you'd lowered your standards to like her? Same girl? :lmao: yeah... OP -- why don't you put that energy INTO FINDING cures rather than trying to TAKE someone's girl. You can have all the "I WILL NOT GIVE UP" oomph in the world but it still unfold into nothing good and or nothing truly productive.
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 She's probably not "flirting intensely" with him. Most of it is probably in his head. I've met many a men who illustrate and exaggerate very basic / friendly and common behavior and make it all out to be something it's not. And she already let him know she's taken. He's apparently been "rejected" more than once. OP - what happened to the girl in class that you were going to move on with? (or something like that). She may not be flirting "intensely" with me, but she is flirting. I am not socially retarded. The girl in class, I'll see her tomorrow and see if that leads into anything. If anything, I could have been imagining that it was HER who liked me. Maybe I was imagining that, because we only had one slight interaction. I will say that if she has a thing for me, I may explore that. We'll see.
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Wait. We're not talking about the same girl from the other thread, are we? The one who flatly rejected you twice already? And after that, you declared she was a bitch and that you'd lowered your standards to like her? Same girl? Yep. I never called her a "bi*ch". I called her a "tease". Thinking of it, she did not reject me twice...................only once really and I can't blame her....I hit on her IN FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND and then met her after work as she said goodbye to him. Talk about a ****ty timing. The second time, she said she's going to the beach party with him. I took it as a rejection because I was in a different mind state. I was emotional and was approaching it from a completely wrong perspective. I have no pain or sorrow now--I have enthusiasm and vigor. That's how you approach these things, not sobbing and in tears. @ Onyx Baby, I am currently looking for a Fountain of Youth. Literally. If I find that, I'll cure cancer, wrinkles, even your ice cold heart.
LuluinAZ Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Personally, I'd rather have a man who knows what he likes trying to buzz around my daisies than a dud. Just know that if you land on her, don't pollenate her and buzz off again. Just be a good guy about it. She's young. Also, if she says NO, then let her know you hope she will let you know if her mind ever changes, because she is one special girl. She'll remember that.
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 @Luluin Appreciate the advice. I would make sure to tell her that. Of course, I'm not just some guy who moves from girl to girl. If I have to work so hard for something, I intend to keep it. I've know myself to be in for the chase, but this feels far different.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) NEVER EVER ask a girl if everything is okay with her guy. Even IF that question is purely platonic, it comes off VERY BAD and the girl right away gets the wrong idea. Don't do that. Don't flirt either. Basically don't do anything you would do to a girl that you are attracted to. Just be a friend and make sure she sees you guys have lots in common. I once had this MAJOR crush on a married man, and he not once flirted with me. Nor did he do any of the things you mentioned. Basically we just talked and talked and talked and we realized we can REALLY carry a conversation very well. We had so much in common, and we LAUGHED ALOT. If you can make her laugh, you're ahead of the game. Throw in the odd compliment or two, like "oh hey nice dress girl", little things like that will make her feel appreciated. But nothing too obvious like "you look so beautiful tonight". Subtle compliments that tell her you notice she is looking nice, but you aren't attracted. Great, now i'm thinking about that married guy again. UGH! It's true what they say, married or gay. P.S If she notices you are trying to get her even though she has a man, she will feel you don't respect she is taken. But if you are respectful and kind AND respect that she has a guy (never talk him down, always say things will be okay) she will start looking to you for comfort. Besides, since you like her so much, your body language will subconsciously tell her you are into her. So don't worry about her not getting that part. She def will, whether she knows it or not. Edited September 22, 2011 by FrustratedStandards
Nexus One Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 So you're hitting on a girl in front of her boyfriend, literally trying to steal her away from her boyfriend? Dude, you shouldn't come between two lovers. And here I go again, it's unethical.
Jynxx Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Go for it man, all is fair in love and war. Besides, you can't break people up, you can only make her realise she should break up with him. If she doesn't have a great relationship there are techniques to do this, it's not easy but it's not impossible either.
rafallus Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Dude, you shouldn't come between two lovers. And here I go again, it's unethical. Not really. If she didn't want him (or his attention), she'd go cold on him from the get go. If she's open, then it means her "bf" in reality isn't very important to her at all, therefore calling them "lovers" is a bit of stretch. In other words, there is no such thing as stealing a partner, if partner doesn't want to be "stolen". OP, note however, that if she did it with you, odds are she will do it to you. So don't take her too seriously.
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I love you onyx. Unlike your boyfriend I have a future, and that's because I don't give up on things. In other words you're desperate like one goal. Way to go.
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 ^^^ "Desperate like one goal"....you mean "desperate for one goal". Yeah, that's what not giving up means. Desperate to have my way, desperate to win. It's not a bad connotation, I'll subscribe to it.
Author mrgoodcat Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 P.S If she notices you are trying to get her even though she has a man, she will feel you don't respect she is taken. But if you are respectful and kind AND respect that she has a guy (never talk him down, always say things will be okay) Indeed, never talk down her man. A little talking up would work better towards her reverse psychology. And I think I can tell her compliments, since we're past that point that I'm trying to tell her I like her- I asked her out already.
Nexus One Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Not really. If she didn't want him (or his attention), she'd go cold on him from the get go. If she's open, then it means her "bf" in reality isn't very important to her at all, therefore calling them "lovers" is a bit of stretch. They're in an official relationship. If a guy has even an ounce of respect for the boundaries of other people's relationships, then he stays the f*ck away. And the girlfriend should start acting like one and set boundaries, if she doesn't she's not much better than the guy hitting on her. The guys justifying this in this thread are really f*cking pathetic. How about acting like an honorable man and hit on single girls/women? Edited September 22, 2011 by Nexus One
rafallus Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Whether you like it or not, if your gf is at least reasonably attractive, most guys will want to sleep with her, and some will try to hit on her. It's her job to not play along and not let it happen. If she does, that speaks volumes on how commited to her guy she is. In a way, other guy is doing a bf a favor, letting him know, what kind of person his (hopefully ex by tehe time) gf is.
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 ^^^ "Desperate like one goal"....you mean "desperate for one goal". Yeah, that's what not giving up means. Desperate to have my way, desperate to win. It's not a bad connotation, I'll subscribe to it. **Facepalm** one goal: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/member.php?u=58064
Jynxx Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 They're in an official relationship. If a guy has even an ounce of respect for the boundaries of other people's relationships, then he stays the f*ck away. And the girlfriend should start acting like one and set boundaries, if she doesn't she's not much better than the guy hitting on her. The guys justifying this in this thread are really f*cking pathetic. How about acting like an honorable man and hit on single girls/women? They are in a relationship. What does that have to do with op? Why should op change his behaviour based on that information? That just doesn't make any sense whatsoever. If I agree with a friend of mine to not listen to music for a month, does that mean every car passing me or him should turn his radio off, because otherwise the driver is ****ing up our agreement and that's dishonorable? Of course not, that would be ridiculous, people outside of an agreement do not have any responsibility to make the parties involved keep it. And there's absolutely nothing pathetic about that, it's just common sense. He should only change his behaviour if the girl lets him know she's not interested, but if she's flirting back that is 100% a green light to proceed as if she's single.
carhill Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 She's probably not "flirting intensely" with him. Most of it is probably in his head. I've met many a men who illustrate and exaggerate very basic / friendly and common behavior and make it all out to be something it's not. The OP can clarify but my take is similar. Friendly behavior, IME, is smiling, joking, teasing, perhaps even light touching to augment a particular moment of interaction. Flirting is sexual innuendos, kissing, touching in a sexual way, long gazes into the eyes and a myriad of other behaviors I've experienced from women over the years. One liked stroking my bald head. Another gave me foot massages. None were a girlfriend or spouse. Oddly, all were married, but not to me. OP, if you can not take this seriously and decide to just have fun with it and don't care about 'taking another man's woman', then play around with her. Be a little mean; be a little fun; be a belligerent d!ck. Flirt like a real man flirts. Get in her space, touch her, look at her lips while she's talking, make comments of a sexual nature. See where it goes. She'll never really be 'your girl', but have some fun with her anyway. Good luck.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) They're in an official relationship. If a guy has even an ounce of respect for the boundaries of other people's relationships, then he stays the f*ck away. And the girlfriend should start acting like one and set boundaries, if she doesn't she's not much better than the guy hitting on her. The guys justifying this in this thread are really f*cking pathetic. How about acting like an honorable man and hit on single girls/women? I agree. (I actually find that "honorable" men are among the minority, so it doesn't really surprise me... [but it just makes the honorable men all the more smexy and special])... Edited September 22, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
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