Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Hey Guys, Somedude suggested I make a new thread for my dating challenges. So I posted the relevant posts below. Thanks for responding. In the past week I have thought of an advertising campaign, to advertise for a boyfriend. It's probably ill-conceived, but I am not sure what else I can try. On Tuesday I spent the day just looking at people trying to make eye contact. Not specifically men, all people. Even an old lady with white hair. I find it hard to comprehend that I would actually have success asking out guys who refuse to acknowledge my very existence when I pass them by. So my idea is, to print a tanktop "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex" What do you think? At the moment I get absolutely no attention from men, not even for casual sex or anything. I am back at the gym. The male friends i have on starcraft, say I seem really nice and don't see why I am having trouble finding someone interested, whilst not actually being interested themselves. And even somedude rejected me, based on distance. See I don't need to have sex all the time, and I certainly wouldn't cheat, but I want the hope that it is going to happen sometime, so even an LDR would be good, because of course i would fly and visit whenever i could. Sorry about that. You seem like a really cool woman. I have no idea why you're single. It might be a good idea to start a new thread about your recent dating experience and how you think men perceive you etc. From this thread, I've figured out why verhrzn is single and she is going to stay that way until she makes a few changes. I wouldn't recommend letting men know you want sex. You'll find yourself with a lot of offers from guys who just want to screw you. Though this is a much safer bet. The store is even located in Australia. I think this: "Wanted: Boyfriend for:- 1) Sex 2) 2v2 in SC2 3) More Sex" Because you are actually looking for a relationship you said. If you are going to advertise that you are looking for sex, then that's going to attract guys who aren't necessarily relationship oriented. The thing is. If I would see a woman with a top like that, then I'd think she's joking and not seriously looking for those things. But you cant try it, it might be an eye catcher or conversation starter. Lets be honest. The guys on Battle Net tend to be fairly young. The average age has probably gone up since Starcraft is now over a decade old, but there are still a lot of very young guys on there. The truth about most men is that they tend to be attracted to younger females. If you look at the average ages of couples worldwide, then men are on average 4 year older than their female partners. As roughly 90% of the approaching is done by men, I think it's safe to say men tend to gravitate towards younger women. However, there are guys that go for women older than themselves though. Several reasons could be that she's attractive or more mature in terms of attitude than younger girls. But that kind of relationship dynamic between a younger man and older female is a bit the exception to the rule. So by hitting on younger guys you are you are shrinking your dating pool enormously. I understand you have a preference for those guys, but that's the truth of the matter. Secondly, I understood you like geeky guys. Those guys and especially when they're under 30 tend to be not focused on relationships. They tend to have different interests and goals during that period in their life. So with that you again shrink your pool. And you like guys that play Starcraft. So that again shrinks your pool. And besides, what guy expects to get hit on on Battle Net? They're looking to kick some Terran/Zerg/Protoss @ss on there. It's not the first place you'd expect romance. Not that it's impossible, but it's simply not expected. So essentially you are fishing in a pool shrunk to a very small size where only a tiny percentage of the guys would bite. My advice would be to expand your dating pool by expanding the age range you'd date and the interest range (beyond Starcraft). That's perhaps a bit of a harsh assessment, but it's what I genuinely think.
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 As far as dating experiences go somedude, in the last 6months, I don't have any. I am not attracting anyone at all. I am having trouble even getting a man to return my eyecontact. And Nexus One, it's true the dating pool is small for me, and I am trying to widen my range of guys I would be interested in. It is hard, breaking down those mental walls. I feel like I could possibly accept anyone my age or under. I am resistent to the idea of men older. And I am concerned that I won't share any interests with a man my own age. So assuming I could even find a man who was interested, which at this point is the challenge, I don't know how appealing I am going to be. I react badly to men who try to fix me (implying i am somehow broken, wrong or just not acceptable to way i am). My experiences with men older than me (over 6months ago), has been just that, them telling me what I should do, when I haven't even asked. It doesn't make me feel good about 40-something men. But 1st things 1st, i need to attract men, so that they can find out that i am nice (if i am nice ). Then if I can actually get a date, then I will happily do whatever you guys tell to to do so i don't screw it up (at least i will try my hardest).
somedude81 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Cool, you made the thread. That's a good start. I think the best questions to ask first are; what do you want and what are you looking for? What qualities are important to you? Some background info would also be helpful to your readers. Edited September 22, 2011 by somedude81
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Cool, you made the thread. That's a good start. I think the best questions to ask first are; what do you want and what are you looking for? What qualities are important to you? I think at this point I can't be fussy about that. Every quality limits my dating pool further. But that being said, I couldn't be with a smoker or drug addict.
Cee Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 But 1st things 1st, i need to attract men, so that they can find out that i am nice (if i am nice ). Then if I can actually get a date, then I will happily do whatever you guys tell to to do so i don't screw it up (at least i will try my hardest). I think simply by being who you are and kind to men who express interest will lead to success. I don't think we need to manipulate or play games to get dates. And if that's the only way to get a man, then maybe it's better to be single. I wish you the best with this journey. I look forward to hearing your story.
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well, first of, you need to know men and by that I mean know how they think. Men are fixers, they wanna fix things, even if they are not broken. This clip demonstrate it the best I think. I watched it with my ex' a while back and we had lots of laugh because it's just true It might help you be less judgmental and increase your dating pool as a result, or at the very least, help you communicate with men, which is the foundation to meet new people.
Voldar Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well, first of, you need to know men and by that I mean know how they think. Men are fixers, they wanna fix things, even if they are not broken. This clip demonstrate it the best I think. I watched it with my ex' a while back and we had lots of laugh because it's just true It might help you be less judgmental and increase your dating pool as a result, or at the very least, help you communicate with men, which is the foundation to meet new people. That was awesome, thanks for sharing that link. As far as OP goes, sorry to hear your troubles and I wish you the best. It is very strange that you're having such troubles with such good taste in video games though. O.O
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 That was awesome, thanks for sharing that link. As far as OP goes, sorry to hear your troubles and I wish you the best. It is very strange that you're having such troubles with such good taste in video games though. O.O Thanks, can I add you as a friend on sc2. What's your name and character code? I promised myself to play a game everyday, so I keep improving
Voldar Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Thanks, can I add you as a friend on sc2. What's your name and character code? I promised myself to play a game everyday, so I keep improving I honestly don't play as often as I use to, but my name on there is: Milt, and character code is 649.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Hey Guys, Hey Titania, Are you attractive? (I mean, do you think you are / feel you are? I don't mean to try to be objective about what anyone else might think.)
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Well, first of, you need to know men and by that I mean know how they think. Men are fixers, they wanna fix things, even if they are not broken. This clip demonstrate it the best I think. I watched it with my ex' a while back and we had lots of laugh because it's just true It might help you be less judgmental and increase your dating pool as a result, or at the very least, help you communicate with men, which is the foundation to meet new people. Thanks, it looked familiar, i think i might have seen it last year. Really good. So then how do you get the guy to put the box away, if it is not something you want to talk about?
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Thanks, it looked familiar, i think i might have seen it last year. Really good. So then how do you get the guy to put the box away, if it is not something you want to talk about? Wish I could give you an answer, but you can't really, it's just embedded into majority of guys; It's like asking a woman to separate her emotions from her thoughts. BTW, kinda off-topic, you follow the GSL?
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Hey Titania, Are you attractive? (I mean, do you think you are / feel you are? I don't mean to try to be objective about what anyone else might think.) Actually I feel more attractive now, and I like myself more now then I ever did when men behaved as if I was hot. I really like who I am, and that's why it is hard to motivate myself to deviate from that. I don't mean in terms of going to the gym and watching what I eat, that's just part of general upkeep. I mean more in terms of conforming to expectation. I think I am the best I have ever been. It's not like 'look at me I am so awesome', rather it is more an internal thing. I think part of me doesn't understand why men found me so desirable before when i had low self esteem, no self worth and behaved like the ditziest dumb blonde imaginable, and now when I have it altogether they are blind to me. It makes me feel that they only value youthful beauty. With all the things I have learnt this past year since joining ls, if my best guy friend was still alive and was interested I would be with him, despite the fact he would be 56yrs old now. He knew me flaws and all and loved me in spite of them.
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 BTW, kinda off-topic, you follow the GSL? I don't follow the GSL, but I love to spend a weekend watching an sc2 tournement. Best weekend ever. I watched this most recent mlg, and i watch dreamhack earlier in the year. I get so hyped, and then I just want to play league in the breaks. Playing starcraft obviously didn't completely take my mind off men, but it has certainly added some joy and passion to my life.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Actually I feel more attractive now, and I like myself more now then I ever did when men behaved as if I was hot. I think I am the best I have ever been. This sounds great! Ok, so I think we can rule out any issues to do with self confidence in your attractiveness.
Cracker Jack Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Oh, I'm sure you're far from invisible. Sometimes we believe we are when things aren't going right, but I'm sure you're being checked out more times than not. Btw, can I date you? Srsly...
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I don't follow the GSL, but I love to spend a weekend watching an sc2 tournement. Best weekend ever. I watched this most recent mlg, and i watch dreamhack earlier in the year. I get so hyped, and then I just want to play league in the breaks. Playing starcraft obviously didn't completely take my mind off men, but it has certainly added some joy and passion to my life. That's a shame. I find GSL much better than MLG by far. You should try it once, I can give you a few torrents if you wanna download and watch it.
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 That's a shame. I find GSL much better than MLG by far. You should try it once, I can give you a few torrents if you wanna download and watch it. Thanks sure. I enjoyed mlg because because I like day9 and husky commentating over tastosis, but i'll give gsl a go.
Author Titania22 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Btw, can I date you? Srsly... Sure can.
dispatch3d Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Alright, you kinda gotta start at the beginning and work from there. Step 1: Talk to a guy you may like. Also what about those Starcraft guys? Could you not show some interest for one of them? Are you interested in one of them. I don't see how saying "I won't date a drug addict or a smoke or a yadayada" is helping anything. It's not like people go up to you and say, "hello, my name is Steve. I am a drug addict." Like really?
Eddie Edirol Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Sure can. lemme ask this. What do the men react when you approach them in person and start a conversation? And do you do this often? Edited September 22, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Professor X Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 lemme ask this. What do the men react when you approach them in person and start a conversation? And do you do this often? To add to that, how outgoing are you? In other words, how often do you go out and put yourself for "display" (no offense), so that people can actually know you exist?
somedude81 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Just incase nobody knows, Titania22 has a good picture of herself in her profile. Titania22, I think your requirements are too broad. Getting a partner is a lot like getting a job. One thing I've been told is that you need to tailor the resume to the job you want to get. If all you want is, 'a job,' then you are going to have a poor resume that will only let you get the lowest jobs. In other words, if your sights are too low, then it's almost impossible to get anything good.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Well ... this is a hackneyed cliche, and I don't think it's what any person who feels lonely and who is actively seeking a relationship wants to hear, but: These things often happen when we are NOT looking, or at least not very invested in the outcome. That being said - one still has to be "out there" in different ways to be open and available when a "right" person shows up. I guess I mean that you have to keep yourself dating, but with a very casual attitude about it. I looked at your picture, and so I know you are an attractive woman. I also know that you are in a pool of men much younger than you are, with the gaming, and that you like younger men. That's fine, but you'll need to find the men who like women who are older than they are. They exist, and aren't even rare, but it's not the "norm." That's just the way it is. I hope you won't take this as harsh, because I do not intend it that way at all, but you may be projecting an air of something like desperation. You are who you are, and I can tell you are a cool and interesting person, but your social persona might sometimes be off-putting to the average bear. I say this just because of your post about the eye contact efforts, which could be read as odd by people on the receiving end, and your tee shirt idea - which I know was not really serious, but would probably be weird, or funny, rather than attractive if executed. I feel the same about some of your other ideas of getting something started from other posts of yours. Somehow, you just have to be who you are while continuing to socialize in many different ways, including OLD (though it very well might not work; it did work for me, after several years of failing), and keeping very open. You will end up connecting with a person who "fits" with you. But you really are not invisible, I promise.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 These things often happen when we are NOT looking, or at least not very invested in the outcome. Arrrghgghhhh!
Recommended Posts