beachwrangler Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 So my ex of two years broke it off with me about two weeks ago. She is 21 and I am 24. She has stayed in contact with me everyday since the break up. She is the one always intiating the contact. I know she is talking to somebody else because she told me she slept with him the night we broke up and felt bad about it. Well all last week she told me she loved me, missed me, wanted things to work out, etc. But everytime we hung out she was cold and distant towards me and actually found out she slept with him again while telling me all this. She told me she just didn't have those feelings for me anymore. Then the next day said maybe this time apart would be good for us and we would get back together down the road. Then she said she just needed space which I've been giving to her she just is always the one contacting me. Then said the thing holding her back from being with me is that I am sad around her all the time and she doesn't like it well **** how does she expect me to feel when I know she's messing around with another guy. Then two nights ago she tells me she misses me and begs to hang out. So we did I was being happy and talking about light things and the whole time she looked like her puppy had just gotten ran over. Told me she just wasn't happy around me and had the time of her life when she was away from me and can't stand being around me. Took her home then she texts me right away saying she really wanted to have a good time and doesn't know how to get us back on track. Said she wanted things to work out. Then today we were suppose to get an apartment but she asked if I could call the landlord and tell them we weren't interested so I said I would and she said you can still move in by yourself though. I told her I wasn't going to because It was suppose to be our apartment so I was just going to tell her no and she was like ouch I was hoping you'd ask for an extension on the apartment to give us time to figure out things and maybe get back together because I want to live out our plans together more than anything. I can't take this anymore this girl makes me want to rip my hair out I can't help but feel like I am being played and strung along while she's out messing around with some other guy. I m just so over this. I wish I knew what her intentions really were.
carhill Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It's impossible for someone who has broken up with you to 'kill me with head games' without your active participation. Read the thread in my signature line for more information. I've seen the veracity of this within all my LTR's as well as my M. I can sympathize but also challenge you to see your choices.
danny1972 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 she is definatley keeping you on the back burner ,the more you respond the more you are fueling her fire , go n/c focus on you ,dont be a second option ,or a fall guy , get on with your life as from now .
EgoJoe Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Tell her off. Tell her you don't mind if another guy plays with your used goods. Tell her she made her bed BUT NOT TO WORRY after a couple of beers even you're attractive. It doesn't have to be verbatim to the above and you don't have to mean it but she'll take the hint.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Tell her off. Tell her you don't mind if another guy plays with your used goods. Tell her she made her bed BUT NOT TO WORRY after a couple of beers even you're attractive. It doesn't have to be verbatim to the above and you don't have to mean it but she'll take the hint. Or you could take the more mature approach and stop picking up her calls. After a while of you not responding she will get the hint. If you tell her off it will only give her an ego boost because she will know you are struggling without her. In these cases, silence says more than words.
EgoJoe Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It won't necessarily give an ego boost if you straight insult them, devalue them and then ignore. ALSO there is a certain degree of wisdom to confronting a passive aggressive and watching them scurry away like a coward or scramble for position.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It won't necessarily give an ego boost if you straight insult them, devalue them and then ignore. ALSO there is a certain degree of wisdom to confronting a passive aggressive and watching them scurry away like a coward or scramble for position. If you are coming from a place of vengeance silence will do more injury than insult. by directly insulting/confronting someone, even if they are passive aggressive, will give them an ego boost. It may not be instant but they will be able to look back at the events that had taken place and the words that were used against them and say "I meant so much to this person that they felt the need to put me down". You wouldn't do that to someone you do not care about. however... If you use silence as your weapon it will leave that person in wonder. Especially after the OP has taken her calls so willingly and all of a sudden drops off the face of her earth. She will start wondering what he is doing, why he suddenly stopped communication with her, and drive herself mad with all of the unanswered questions. It would be like her being on a tight rope, she initially got on the rope knowing she had a safety net below her in case she fell off. At this point he as taken her phone calls and even met up with her. She is halfway across the rope and she looks down... no safety net. That is why I stand by being silent, but that is just my opinion. Take from it what you will.
EgoJoe Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I value your opinion, Dark. My whole take is confronting passive aggressive people with funny insults and watching them reel. Let them think you care, they will leave you alone OR insult back and then you ignore because you've already stated your piece without being a coward about it. That is not to say that I think ignoring people is always cowardly. What she is doing reeks of intentional passive aggressive manipulation.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I value your opinion, Dark. My whole take is confronting passive aggressive people with funny insults and watching them reel. Let them think you care, they will leave you alone OR insult back and then you ignore because you've already stated your piece without being a coward about it. That is not to say that I think ignoring people is always cowardly. What she is doing reeks of intentional passive aggressive manipulation. Until the point of my breakup I would agree with your views on this particular subject 100%, I still do agree but to an extent. During my breakup I confronted my ex (she's passive aggressive) and the only thing it did was invoke some sort of twisted competition into her mind. I got a ton of mind games, all of which was her way of saying "I'm better than you". I swayed back and forth with wondering if she wanted me back or not and stayed in a very unhealthy mindset for much longer than I should have. Obviously I can't say this is the main reason she pulled the mind games, but I think it contributed a strong spark of desire into her soul when I confronted her. I will still confront these sorts of passive aggressive people in my life, but not an ex. They are an ex for a reason and they are not worth wasting my breath over. Regardless of whether the OP decides to confront his ex or stay silent, it is completely his decision. I will probably be here if/when that plan spoils and he wants more advice, as will other posters.
EgoJoe Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I think it would be good for him to confront and then back off, ignore and move on. If he does his part and doesn't listen to her response(s) etc. then he'll be wayyyy better off.
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