His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I really despise the terms affair partner and married man. I understand why we shouldn't use our names here, but why can't we refer to the special people in our lives as something other than MM or AP? Is it not allowed here? I would like to use a nickname or at least initials when posting about him. Why isn't that done more here? Thank you.
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Then make up a 'fake' name for your MM when you speak of him here. Sorry, but that's what he is. Your affair partner and a MM.
ladydesigner Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I prefer a**clown self-centered stupid hard-headed obstentric lying egotistical man... Aha...instead of xMM I'll use *********...there that's much better!! That's a good one:laugh: Can I use it too!!!!
Author His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I prefer a**clown self-centered stupid hard-headed obstentric lying egotistical man... Aha...instead of xMM I'll use *********...there that's much better!! I don't want to start anything contentious, but didn't you love him at one time? Why would you speak, or in this case write, with such hate about someone you loved? Does it help you to get over the pain? I hope you feel better soon.
Author His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Thank you whichwayisup. I will call him JP from now on. I was not sure if it was allowed. I didn't see anyone else doing it. I don't know why, but that is very odd to me.
SoMovinOn Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I really despise the terms affair partner and married man. I understand why we shouldn't use our names here, but why can't we refer to the special people in our lives as something other than MM or AP? Is it not allowed here? I would like to use a nickname or at least initials when posting about him. Why isn't that done more here? Thank you. You can call him whatever you like. It's your choice. I refer to my GF as my GF, because, that's what she is - married or not, affair or not.
Circular Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Well, I call her xMW for anonymity reasons, it's more about protecting identities and all those involved. I'll always error to the cautious side. I feel obligated to protect her kids.
jwi71 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Thank you whichwayisup. I will call him JP from now on. I was not sure if it was allowed. I didn't see anyone else doing it. I don't know why, but that is very odd to me. Actually its not odd at all if you think about a second. Most A's, not yours, are well hidden from the BS, friends and family. So by not putting out names posters keep anonymity from everyone and accidentally (well, they are ALL accidental I guess) having a D-day. The same does apply to you as you would hate for the kids to google their father's name and find this site.
Author His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Actually its not odd at all if you think about a second. Most A's, not yours, are well hidden from the BS, friends and family. So by not putting out names posters keep anonymity from everyone and accidentally (well, they are ALL accidental I guess) having a D-day. The same does apply to you as you would hate for the kids to google their father's name and find this site.I understand that. Thanks.
Ellin Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Actually its not odd at all if you think about a second. Most A's, not yours, are well hidden from the BS, friends and family. So by not putting out names posters keep anonymity from everyone and accidentally (well, they are ALL accidental I guess) having a D-day. The same does apply to you as you would hate for the kids to google their father's name and find this site. I didn't notice the OP wanting to use her guy's real full name, did she? She was talking about a nickname.
woinlove Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I don't want to start anything contentious, but didn't you love him at one time? Why would you speak, or in this case write, with such hate about someone you loved? Does it help you to get over the pain? I hope you feel better soon. I don't see hate. I see a bit of a rant mixed with a bit of humor. It's partly what you are looking for and partly getting to know the posters a bit.
Author His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I don't see hate. I see a bit of a rant mixed with a bit of humor. It's partly what you are looking for and partly getting to know the posters a bit. Thank you, woinlove. I understand the need to rant at times.
Author His4Always Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I didn't notice the OP wanting to use her guy's real full name, did she? She was talking about a nickname. Hi Ellin, Yes, I was talking about a nickname. I was reading some threads, and I thought calling the person you love MM or AP was very generic. Antiseptic. I thought perhaps there was a rule that the accepted acronym must be used.
MissBee Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I really despise the terms affair partner and married man. I understand why we shouldn't use our names here, but why can't we refer to the special people in our lives as something other than MM or AP? Is it not allowed here? I would like to use a nickname or at least initials when posting about him. Why isn't that done more here? Thank you. Most people get on the forums to ask for advice...and it's easier to assess the situation through using those terms. If we got on here and started using nick names for parties not here, it would be a bit weird.... Well I guess if for the next 5 years you're going to be using LS to discuss him, it might make sense to use a nickname if you want as people would have become used to it. I don't think the spirit of this board is one in which OW/OM talk about their AP by name, and just have casual topics about them for the heck of it. I think there are other boards that are like that, but that's the short answer to the question of why more people don't do that.
wannabdone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I prefer a**clown self-centered stupid hard-headed obstentric lying egotistical man... Aha...instead of xMM I'll use *********...there that's much better!! Oh my God!!! LMAO!!!! I almost pissed myself!!! I haven't laughed that hard in ages. THANK YOU!!!!!
SoMovinOn Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I don't think the spirit of this board is one in which OW/OM talk about their AP by name, and just have casual topics about them for the heck of it. I think the spirit of this section of LS is supposed to be; "The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." I note there is nothing there saying it is reserved for discussion by those who are unhappy with their A, wanting to get out of their A, or having problems with their A, although, each and all of those would certainly be included. There is no indication of the exclusion of positive support or discussion.
Author His4Always Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 I don't think the spirit of this board is one in which OW/OM talk about their AP by name, and just have casual topics about them for the heck of it. I think there are other boards that are like that, but that's the short answer to the question of why more people don't do that.Hi Miss Bee, Could you please explain why? Are we only supposed to discuss our problems? Thank you.
SoMovinOn Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Are we only supposed to discuss our problems? Not at all His4. As you can note right at the top of your screen; "The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." It indicates no exclusions. Any and all discussions are welcome.
MissBee Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I think the spirit of this section of LS is supposed to be; "The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." I note there is nothing there saying it is reserved for discussion by those who are unhappy with their A, wanting to get out of their A, or having problems with their A, although, each and all of those would certainly be included. There is no indication of the exclusion of positive support or discussion. The spirit of the board is the form that the board has organically taken...how I came here and saw it, is how it is, and after I leave, it may or may not be the same but that isn't anything any of us individually determined....it just so happens to be that it's not like. Maybe next year the types of people and posts will change and it will be more like that but there is no denying that now it isn't like that. It's for those seeking support...I have never and did not say it was reserved for those who are unhappy...it's not reserved for those who are happy either...it's reserved for no one. Anyone happy or not is free...again the natural spirit of the board is not really one in which many happy OW/OM come to rave about their AP...although I suppose most people on support boards aren't doing much raving anyway. It's like Fox News and CNN....they are both for the purpose of news allegedly, but they both clearly have a different flavor to them. It is what it is and people are free to choose the one that tickles their fancy and has an ethos they like.
MissBee Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Hi Miss Bee, Could you please explain why? Are we only supposed to discuss our problems? Thank you. The same that I said to SMO applies. There is no mandate to only talk about your problems; however, there is a natural direction and flavor that this sitre has and when you expressed shock about more people not calling their APs by a nickname, I said that has never been the flavor of the board. Even in reading back to years before I joined, it has NEVER been that way. I didn't create the atmosphere nor did anyone else here. Most people who come here do come to discuss their problems though and I believe your initial post was also discussing your issues with your relationship. I mean let's be real, most people do not google forums to discuss the joys of their relationship. Even on LS the entire board is usually about those with problems or discomfort in some form of interpersonal relationship. Even the Dating section that is neutral by nature is one in which most people come to discuss some problem or conundrum they are having and most people who had some glorious date or are having a perfect time with their dating do not get on LS to talk about it. But if they did....while odd...they're allowed. But just naturally they would find that they are the odd one out.
wannabdone Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 The same that I said to SMO applies. There is no mandate to only talk about your problems; however, there is a natural direction and flavor that this sitre has and when you expressed shock about more people not calling their APs by a nickname, I said that has never been the flavor of the board. Even in reading back to years before I joined, it has NEVER been that way. I didn't create the atmosphere nor did anyone else here. Most people who come here do come to discuss their problems though and I believe your initial post was also discussing your issues with your relationship. I mean let's be real, most people do not google forums to discuss the joys of their relationship. Even on LS the entire board is usually about those with problems or discomfort in some form of interpersonal relationship. Even the Dating section that is neutral by nature is one in which most people come to discuss some problem or conundrum they are having and most people who had some glorious date or are having a perfect time with their dating do not get on LS to talk about it. But if they did....while odd...they're allowed. But just naturally they would find that they are the odd one out. I think its just more common for people to come here to seek help. Who really gets on forums to discuss how great things are?? Not many. Obviously you can, its not mandated that you can't. I just don't think if you are satisfied or happy with your life that people tend to get on the internet and post it....usually they are out in their lives living the happiness, and sharing it with their friends.
SoMovinOn Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 There is no mandate to only talk about your problems; however, there is a natural direction and flavor that this site has... It's a shame what a few posters can do to a board, but, it's been happening since the BBS days, then newsgroups and now forums. A few posters take over, jump in on every discussion and try to turn it the way they think it should go. People just have to learn to ignore those types of users. Most people who come here do come to discuss their problems though and I believe your initial post was also discussing your issues with your relationship. I mean let's be real, most people do not google forums to discuss the joys of their relationship. One can be happily involved with their AP, and still have issues in dealing with being involved in an A that they'd like to discuss as well. ... and not everyone involved in a A wants advice on how to get out of it, or needs to be constantly scolded and reminded how evil and vile they are for being involved in a A to begin with. Some have chosen to remain in the A and are looking for discussion on how to deal with that and whatever issues that may involve. Like you said, the flavor of the board is dictated by the users, so... it's nice to see we have some users who have an interest in positive discussions.
MissBee Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) It's a shame what a few posters can do to a board, but, it's been happening since the BBS days, then newsgroups and now forums. A few posters take over, jump in on every discussion and try to turn it the way they think it should go. People just have to learn to ignore those types of users. One can be happily involved with their AP, and still have issues in dealing with being involved in an A that they'd like to discuss as well. ... and not everyone involved in a A wants advice on how to get out of it, or needs to be constantly scolded and reminded how evil and vile they are for being involved in a A to begin with. Some have chosen to remain in the A and are looking for discussion on how to deal with that and whatever issues that may involve. Like you said, the flavor of the board is dictated by the users, so... it's nice to see we have some users who have an interest in positive discussions. Well good thing the internet is vast and has many kinds of boards and forums to tickle people's fancies. I am gathering that what you mean by "positive discussion" you really mean "pro-A". Pro-A and positive are not the same, as I have seen many Pro-A people being vile for the sake of defending others' rights to an A. Positive in my opinion doesn't mean you are for something. I think positive discussion is discussion that has value, adds insights, different perspectives and views, poses great questions, shares an experience, opens your mind etc even if it is coming from opposing viewpoints. I'm in graduate school and when we're in class having positive discussion it surely isn't the professors and student sitting around agreeing with each other and smiling and nodding and saying every idea is great or everyone having the same ideologies and simply patting each other on the back for liking their idea. No one is hurling insults at each other (most days lol) though, people listen, people ask questions, people challenge, people disagree, people agree, you have various ideologies, paradigms, life experiences represented....that's an enriching and positive discussion IMO. I for one am sick of the arguments over support and so forth. I joined LS in 09 to discuss my breakup and get support for it. I liked the flavor of the board and stuck around...then this year found this section and liked it and started posting. If I didn't like it...I wouldn't stay here and then try to change the spirit of the board to suit my taste. I mean, it's not like this is a restaurant or business in which you are paying for a service so can demand your money back because you were sold a lie...even when paying for services, you can take your business elsewhere if it isn't what you like. I think the spirit of LS seems to be more for those unhappy with their A. I didn't make it so...from ever since, the very last page of this forum shows that most threads since the site has existed has been a ong those lines. That is what it is. If you've been lurking, you know this. If you randomly Googled and then popped up here, you'll learn this. The smart thing to do is to either realize the spirit of the board isn't catering to your needs and take your "business" elsewhere or stick around. Clearly the board has MANY members and many people "viewing"...therefore, SOME people like it. Everything can't be for everyone and I sure as heck don't go into businesses I do not like and complain all day about why can't they serve this kind of food,how come they don't do this and that. If they've existed for years and have loyal customers who love them...great! It simply means it's not a place for me and I should go to another place versus go there everyday for lunch then complain. The beauty of the internet is that there are lots and lots of sites for every kind of lifestyle, fetish, problem, hobby and you can easily find something that has the flavor you desire and there is NO need to stick with what you do not like. Edited September 22, 2011 by MissBee
SoMovinOn Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I am gathering that what you mean by "positive discussion" you really mean "pro-A"... Nope, I just meant positive, which would include supportive discussions on getting out of an A or any other issues one might face. I think positive discussion is discussion that has value, adds insights, different perspectives and views, poses great questions, shares an experience, opens your mind etc. Excellent. We are in perfect agreement on this. I think the spirit of LS seems to be more for those unhappy with their A. That has nothing to do with LS, it's the nature of humans. If you go to any other section of this board, or anywhere else, you would most logically find that those seeking help or advice are dealing with some sort of problem or issue. However, one can be happy with their A and still have issues they'd like to discuss.
MissBee Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Nope, I just meant positive, which would include supportive discussions on getting out of an A or any other issues one might face. Excellent. We are in perfect agreement on this. That has nothing to do with LS, it's the nature of humans. If you go to any other section of this board, or anywhere else, you would most logically find that those seeking help or advice are dealing with some sort of problem or issue. However, one can be happy with their A and still have issues they'd like to discuss. I think I already said this...it's not the nature of humans, it's the nature of humans on a "support board". LS is a support board and the word support connotes a particular thing, so most people here are indeed in some type of situation that warrants advice and support. We agree. As for being happy with your A and having issues you'd like to discuss...welll....that's another matter as I'm feeling like we're going to be disagreeing there. No relationship is happy 24/7 but many relationships have temporary issues that come up....most of the "issues" discussed in As are built into the fact that it is an A and won't ever go away until it is not an A any longer...and IMO, if your relationship has issues that are inherent because of it's nature that will not go away unless the nature is changed....then how can you say you're happy with it? You're not, you're sorta-kinda-okay-except...there clearly is an "except" or "but" built in. But that's not only As...lots of relationships have inherent problems and issues that may not be fixable and you either have to leave or continue getting "support" about the same thing and I suppose there are forums catered to people staying in As and seeking support for the same things for as long as the A persists. I have a friend who for the past 5 years has been getting "support" for her relationship....needless to say, I am not envious of her relationship and I am not convinced she is happy, no matter what she says.
Recommended Posts