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Does she have feelings for another guy?


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Posted

Ok so this is my first post and I seem to be in a little situation. (a little back story). Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and 8 months, we started dating in highschool but were friends before that. we both liked eachother but it took us a while to get together. while together things happened to both of us like she lost two of her best friends because of their jealousy and my good friend had moved so we began to hang out all the time. we did everything together and were and still are madly in love but she has recently moved away to college.. I took a year off, we started to argue a lot more over stupid things that we never fight about and ended up being rash and breaking up for a day but getting back together that next day because we decided it was stupid to just quit like that. a couple days later she came home to visit.. she took a shower and i had asked to use her phone so i could play a game, to which she replied yes. i turned on her phone and her messages were up. i looked through them i know i was being a bit nosy. i saw she texted to one of her better friends that she invited her "hot guy friend" that she has class with to go out with her and some friends. now i dont really care if she finds him cute because thats just natural but after that she said to her friend "I invited him out and he and one of my friends hit it off, I sucssesfully hooked up my friends, but i am kind of jealous and I just want to kiss him.. as soon as i read that my heart sank. i confronted her about it and she got mad at me for looking at her texts, she told me she had no feelings for him and we just continued with the day trying not to ruin our time together. she then sent me a long text that night and said she had a great time with me and she said she wanted to apologize for hurting my feelings and she has no feelings for him at all and she didnt know why she said what she did and told me she is fully committed to me and our relationship and wanted to make it work, she said she loved me with all her heart and she was sorry for saying those things. im just confused and i dont know what to do i dont want to be hurt and her just not telling me the truth what should i do?

Posted

Well don't really worry about it really if she said she wants to make it work you are going to have to take her word for it, if she was interested in the other guy she would have called it quits with you really quick.

 

Ladies say a lot of things really and you just got to look past them sometimes, we all say things with out thinking about the consequences of what we said.

 

If I was you I would be happy about that situation and looked at it as a positive you said she said "I am jealous and I just want to kiss him" well instead of him she will be kissing you

 

Be happy with what you got :-)

 

Hope that helps

Posted

shane. its natural for people to be attracted to others. its how one acts that makes the different.

 

and in my opinion, a girl that would comment to others about how hot another guy is deserves to be dumped on her ass.

Posted

1.) This is what happens when too much communication between people is via text message.

 

2.) Her joking with a girlfriend about wanting to kiss a hot guy is just that - fooling around.

 

I would suggest the complete opposite of what nofool posted. LDR's are hard enough without obsessing over whether or not your SO finds some else physically attractive. Take some time to think about your reactions to attractive girls you see in public. Chances are that you recognize when you find someone physically attractive as well. The only difference is that she conveyed that to a friend of hers in what she believed to be a private conversation.

Posted
1.) This is what happens when too much communication between people is via text message.

 

2.) Her joking with a girlfriend about wanting to kiss a hot guy is just that - fooling around.

 

I would suggest the complete opposite of what nofool posted. LDR's are hard enough without obsessing over whether or not your SO finds some else physically attractive.

 

its not about whether a SO finds others attractive. We'd all be fools to think than anyone we are with doesn't find others attractive. its natural.

 

But in my experience, a person that feels some silly need to profess to the mountains how hot someone else is, isn't very trustworthy.

Posted

See? If you had just not been so nosey you wouldn't have this problem right now. Since the 'problem' is all in your head. I wouldn't mind kissing that dude who works at the apple store but I'm not going to do it! Stop snooping!

Posted
its not about whether a SO finds others attractive. We'd all be fools to think than anyone we are with doesn't find others attractive. its natural.

 

But in my experience, a person that feels some silly need to profess to the mountains how hot someone else is, isn't very trustworthy.

 

 

Meh. My SO and I operate differently. Saying that you think someone is hot doesn't have anything to do with trustworthiness.

 

His girlfriend didn't exactly "profess to the mountains" as much as have a private moment with one of her girlfriends followed by the OP's discovering that private moment by reading her text messages.

 

I suppose being gay has its perks. It so happens when my SO or I see someone who's hot, we're more than willing to share that with one another understanding that it has little to do with having a trusting, monogamous relationship.

Posted
Meh. My SO and I operate differently. Saying that you think someone is hot doesn't have anything to do with trustworthiness.

 

uh huh. give it time.

Posted

Shane you will have to start watching her actions and words closely. Her text to her friend may be nothing, but theres been too many times around here where a smokescreen is laid out and behind it is the truth. So watch to see if she starts distancing herself from you. Watch to see if she distances herself but still tries to assure you that shes into you. Watch very carefully. if that starts happening, then you know to pull the trigger.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for the answers, we talked to eachother more on the subject and she assured me she had no feelings and she truly doesn't want to kiss him and that it was a joke between her friend. Her friend is very outgoing and i wouldn't say slutty, but she is friendly with a lot of guys. while my girlfriend on the other hand is more shy and laid back so i think sometimes she says things she doesn't honestly mean just to her. Also i have not really seen her being distant we talk on the phone daily and text throughout and she initiates most of the texting. she also initiated some dirty talking via phone and then text when her roomate came in ;) but i wont get into that. But thanks for the advice its nice to know i can come on her and have people that want to help without knowing me.

Posted
uh huh. give it time.

 

Dismissing your pessimism is easy enough when both of us have no problem checking out other people in public and recognizing when we see a person we find attractive.

 

For most adults, there is a very clear line between finding someone attractive and wanting to have sex with that person. Perhaps that's not your experience.

Posted
Dismissing your pessimism is easy enough when both of us have no problem checking out other people in public and recognizing when we see a person we find attractive.

 

For most adults, there is a very clear line between finding someone attractive and wanting to have sex with that person. Perhaps that's not your experience.

 

again, there is a difference between, "he/she is an attractive person" and "OMFG he/she is friggin' hot!"

 

the latter, in my experience, doesn't have a good track record of being faithful.

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

i think im going crazy so someone please help me out again, i recently saw photos of her, one of her friends, and this guy the whole thing was about on facebook (i know :rolleyes: ). i later asked her what she did that day and she told me what she did and that she had a study session with the other girl and guy. i was happy she at least told me.. we have luckily gotten time to hang out for a couple weekends since it happened and i just cant get this guy out of my head. I told myself i wouldnt look at her texts but i couldnt help myself due to paranoia now and she texts him a lot. it seems like almost everyday. i know she deletes his texts because sometimes there are different conversations and the ones before arent there. the only thing that makes me feel comftorable is that he asked her to hang out but she said she couldnt because she was with me that day. and he said oh thats cool well have fun. i just dont know what to think.. the distance is hard enough.. :(

Posted

are the convos between flirtatious?

I went to school with a lot of male classmates and currently work in a pre-dominantly male workforce because of my studies--so it's hard not to have a lot of male friends and exchange numbers and texts for plans. You can't keep her from every males friends she has.

I know that my boyfriend has a lot of female friends back home who talk to him via text and phone all the time--mostly about their love woes.

We have faith in each other and respect each other.

 

All that I ask of my bf is that he be honest with me. If he was to develop feelings for another girl there, I want out. I want to be told the truth and end this LDR because I do not want to be dragged into something that both of us won't be committed to and move on with my life...

  • Author
Posted

They didnt seem flirtatious to a sexual point like obvious flirting but she texted him about class and then just carried on a conversation and all the texts she send him are detailed and long but and thats how we used to text eachother now when we text its just simple whats up, nothing and so on, just one or two word replies. i have no problem with her being friends with guys i just know that she thinks hes attractive because she told her friend and i dont want her to be friends with guys for the wrong reasons. and when she was coming home one weekend she got stuck in traffic and texted him i just want to be home im stuck in traffic... it makes me think wow the first person you text when your sopped and bored is him and you cant call me and talk?

Posted

Creighton0123 - how did you mean when you said this is what happens when most of the communication is via text message?

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