Ladies - You Give Him Your Number After a Quick Convo, Would You Go Out With Him?

[spinaroonie]

You're a college student. It's late afternoon and you're walking on campus, on your way home from class.

 

A student whom you don't know approaches you and asks for directions to the nearest bookstore. He then asks if you're good with relationship advice. Intrigued, you say you're not sure. He then launches into a story of his friend and his friend's cheating gf. You counsel him.

 

He thanks you for the advice, teases you, makes you laugh, compliments you on your smile, and asks you a few questions to get to know you. He shares a few things about himself, but then says he has to leave to meet with his friend and relay the advice you just gave him. He says he likes your energy and would like to get in touch later. He asks you for your number. Since he was polite, funny, flattering, and kinda cute, you give him your number.

 

All of this occurs in the span of 5 minutes.

 

You come home and reflect on what happened earlier. A few hours have passed and your emotional state is now different. You think to yourself "Ya he was cute and charming, but I don't know hom. He could be a serial killer." He texts you that night - "nice meeting you". You're not sure what to do - "If I respond, he might think I'm interested. I don't want to lead him on." So you don't respond.

 

He texts you again the next day - "how's your day going". You respond out of courtesy. You exchange a few more courtesy texts. He calls later that evening without warning. Since you want to avoid awkward phone conversations, and you're still on the fence about him, you don't pick up.

 

Question for the ladies - given that you've actually only known him for 5 minutes, what would compel you to go out with him?

[Cypress25]

He then asks if you're good with relationship advice. Intrigued, you say you're not sure. He then launches into a story of his friend and his friend's cheating gf.

 

This is an obvious pick-up line and any girl would see right through it. No one walks around asking random strangers on the street for relationship advice, especially when that advice is for their "friend." Even if the story of his friend's cheating gf was true, he'd be a terrible person for gossiping about his friend.

 

So if a guy did this to me, the conversation would end there. He wouldn't even get my phone number. I'd rather date guys who know how to have a real conversation and don't rely on lame pick-up lines.

[spinaroonie]

This is an obvious pick-up line and any girl would see right through it. No one walks around asking random strangers on the street for relationship advice, especially when that advice is for their "friend." Even if the story of his friend's cheating gf was true, he'd be a terrible person for gossiping about his friend.

 

So if a guy did this to me, the conversation would end there. He wouldn't even get my phone number. I'd rather date guys who know how to have a real conversation and don't rely on lame pick-up lines.

 

"Hey, quick question. I'm meeting a friend at Starbucks, do you know where that is?.... BTW are you good with relationship advice? I know it sounds random."

 

How is this an obvious an obvious pickup line? The guy's asking for relationship advice. He's (presumably) in a relationship. He's got a girlfriend. He's not trying to pick me up. It's a fairly innocuous and disarming question.

[laotzu]

You gotta have a balance between cynicism and rationalism. If this guy were in his thirties, I'd say it was a pick-up line - but not in college. It's a possibility, of course, but it's a little sophisticated for a college pick-up line; that's why it's usually older guys who are using it, because they're trying to appear more genuine.

 

OP: there's a possibility this was a guy using a pick-up line. It's not a bad one, and I often consider using it. In your circumstance, being younger, it's an absolute possibility it wasn't. The only thing that makes me suspect otherwise is his aggressive behavior after the fact. Many guys might not write a text again if they didn't get at least one reply. Why would a guy who met you for five minutes two days before, and to whom you didn't respond previously, want you to have a good day?

 

Bottom line is, if you're single and attracted to him, meet him out for coffee or something - but be prepared to have some boundaries if he gets really interested, and you're not.

[FrustratedStandards]

Well the only thing to go on would be sexual attraction. The going out part would consist of actually getting to know them and see if they are interesting enough.

 

Thats when we make the decision if we actually want to go out with them.

[spinaroonie]

You gotta have a balance between cynicism and rationalism. If this guy were in his thirties, I'd say it was a pick-up line - but not in college. It's a possibility, of course, but it's a little sophisticated for a college pick-up line; that's why it's usually older guys who are using it, because they're trying to appear more genuine.

 

 

Why do you say it's sophisticated? He sounded sincere. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[january2011]

Question for the ladies - given that you've actually only known him for 5 minutes, what would compel you to go out with him?

 

He piqued my curiousity and I found him charming enough that I'd want to see him again.

 

If he persists, you can either tell him to stop because it's harrassment or you can think life's too short and why not take a chance and at least meet him for a coffee in a public place. But given that, so far, you've responded only out of courtesy and have avoided interacting with him, it suggests that there was not enough there for you to want to see him again.

[spinaroonie]

He piqued my curiousity and I found him charming enough that I'd want to see him again.

 

If he persists, you can either tell him to stop because it's harrassment or you can think life's too short and why not take a chance and at least meet him for a coffee in a public place. But given that, so far, you've responded only out of courtesy and have avoided interacting with him, it suggests that there was not enough there for you to want to see him again.

 

Well I gave him my number so it's fair for him to assume that I'm interested in him right? If he's persistent I wouldn't blame him.

 

Perhaps I should reconsider giving out my number to guys I'm not serious about meeting later, and leading guys on like that. It's not fair to them.

[january2011]

Yup and yup.

[counterman]

I have asked about relationship advice from women I do not know before. Sometimes it's good to get a female perspective on something, especially if it is on my mind. I feel comfortable enough to approach girls and am genuinely interested in what they have to say. A girl that really piques my interest with an insightful response and furthers my interest as we get to know each other, I would ask her out.

 

If a guy asks you to go out with him and you don't want to, don't give out your number. Simply say "I'm flattered but sorry, I'm not interested". If you unsure and willing to test the waters, then go out with him once and see how it goes. If you're unsure and unwilling to give him a go, don't give him your number or another thing you can say, if you are up for lying, is "I have a boyfriend". If you're interested, then go out with him and see how it goes.

 

Usually when a girl doesn't reply to me, I move on. I don't believe in being persistent and do not wish to harass her. However, if this gentleman does persist, you can keep ignoring until he gets the point or just stand your ground and tell him to stop, and that its harassment - it usually doesn't get to that point.

[spinaroonie]

I have asked about relationship advice from women I do not know before. Sometimes it's good to get a female perspective on something, especially if it is on my mind. I feel comfortable enough to approach girls and am genuinely interested in what they have to say. A girl that really piques my interest with an insightful response and furthers my interest as we get to know each other.

 

Yup I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask - perhaps he wants the input of someone who wouldn't be biased in the matter.

 

Anyhow if this was a ploy to strike up a conversation I have to credit him for his ingenuity. He's better than most guys who approach with "hey you're really cute what's your name?" I admit if he had approached that way he would have been blown off.

[counterman]

Yup I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask - perhaps he wants the input of someone who wouldn't be biased in the matter.

 

Anyhow if this was a ploy to strike up a conversation I have to credit him for his ingenuity. He's better than most guys who approach with "hey you're really cute what's your name?" I admit if he had approached that way he would have been blown off.

 

Coming from a guy who talks to his girl friends and asks them questions to get their perspective on matters, it usually is a great way to start conversations, hence why I tend to start conversations with girls that way. Most of the time I just try to go with the flow, that's when I'm most natural.

 

I did not know many guys approached girls the way you have said until I spoke to some of the girls I did approach. Apparently many go up and say "hey hot babe, what's your name?" and for example. I have, however, approached a girl and complimented her on her appearance before. I do not do this often and only do it to the girls I find striking (there's not many I that catch my eye). But, I find that this often puts some girls on guard as they think I am just interested in them because of their looks. So, in future approaches, I won't compliment them but rather just converse naturally.

 

I can only speak for myself but when I do approach a girl and things go well, I will ask her out. Now, this next meeting that I do set up will give us a chance to get to know each other. It certainly isn't a contract to a relationship. Bare in mind that if you do find that you are not interested, you can easily say so and move on.

[Lucky_One]

Doubtful that he really has a friend with a cheating GF and that he is so worried about this situation that he would ask a total stranger about it in a 5 minute conversation.

 

So either HE is the guy with the cheating GF, or he made it up.

 

Personally, I'd meet him for coffee or a coke in between classes. See what you think. If you find he is the guy with the GF, then you know to delete his number. If he used it as an excuse to talk to you, that's sort of cute.

 

But yes - if you are not interested in a guy, don't give him your number. If someone asks and you don't want to give it, then just say "Sorry, I promised my Dad that I wouldn't do two things. Run up my phone bill, or give my number to strangers. Oops I have class. Got to run. Bye. Oops you want to walk me to class? I have to pee. There's a bathroom. Bye."

[Nexus One]

When hitting on a girl/woman, just hit on her. Don't make up ridiculous stories or excuses to get her attention.

 

Just 3 questions are enough.

 

Hi, what's you're name? Are you single? I'd like to take you out on a date to get to know you better. Do you want to exchange numbers?

 

Making up a story makes you either look weird or insecure.

 

Being direct like I'm suggesting can also scare her though, because you can startle a girl/woman by coming out of the blue and firing those questions at her and making her make split second decisions.

 

So if she answers with I'm not sure or no, then just give her a card or post-it note with your contact details. That gives her time to think about it.

[spinaroonie]

When hitting on a girl/woman, just hit on her. Don't make up ridiculous stories or excuses to get her attention.

 

Just 3 questions are enough.

 

Hi, what's you're name? Are you single? I'd like to take you out on a date to get to know you better. Do you want to exchange numbers?

 

Making up a story makes you either look weird or insecure.

 

Being direct like I'm suggesting can also scare her though, because you can startle a girl/woman by coming out of the blue and firing those questions at her and making her make split second decisions.

 

 

Disagree. You're forcing her to make a split second decision on the basis of your looks. Really good looking guys can get away with this. Average guys will just come off creepy.

 

This guy didn't approach by complimenting looks right away (it's flattering but some girl's see that as objectifying, and attractive girls hear that all the time). Far better to make a girl laugh first, then flatter her. She'd be much more inclined to get to know you rather than walking away if she doesn't find you physically attractive.

 

And I think girls would be forgiving of a guy's initial approach if she later gives out her number and dates him.

 

The bottom line is that there are girls who will reject your direct game that would have eventually dated you had you gone indirect, but not the other way around.

Edited September 25, 2011 by spinaroonie

[Nexus One]

Disagree. You're forcing her to make a split second decision on the basis of your looks.

 

Hence my card/post-it proposal. It allows her to think things over while she has your contact information.

 

This guy didn't approach by complimenting looks right away (it's flattering but some girl's see that as objectifying, and attractive girls hear that all the time). Far better to make a girl laugh first, then flatter her. She'd be much more inclined to get to know you rather than walking away if she doesn't find you physically attractive.

 

And I think girls would be forgiving of a guy's initial approach if she later gives out her number and dates him.

 

The bottom line is that there are girls who will reject your direct game that would have eventually dated you had you gone indirect, but not the other way around.

 

With that direct approach I'm assuming two things:

 

1. There's little time. (there often is, people move, people have to be places)

2. It's the only time we meet. So this one chance will be the only chance I have.

[AHardDaysNight]

I think it was a pickup line.

 

That doesn't mean he wasn't genuine. Serial killers can be charming, or they can be socially awkward.

 

You're reading too much into this.

[rafallus]

With that direct approach I'm assuming two things:

 

1. There's little time. (there often is, people move, people have to be places)

2. It's the only time we meet. So this one chance will be the only chance I have.

 

How is this working for you?

 

I have tried to do such "hit and runs", but I've been failing consistently. In the bigger picture, you approach a woman, ask her three simple question, even if you GET her contact data, what does she know about you? What do you know about her? What's her incentive to go out with you over those 20 other guys who hit on her this week?

 

I prefer to just find stuff you can, ehhh... connect/get a woman on a little emotional high with.