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Dealing with death while "just" dating


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Posted

So I am still going back and forth with this commitment phobic guy and I guess I'm just not ready to let go.

 

I feel awful because I was so frustrated with him the past two days only to find out that a very close friend of his passed away on Monday. He has not been in contact with me and I texted him yesterday to say I was thinking about him. Guessing I should just let him be and not contact him anymore, but that is not really my nature. I like to be supportive and caring.

 

If I don't hear anything should I call him in a few days to see how he is doing? or just wait for him to reach out to me?

Posted

If his friend just passed on Monday, he will likely be busy all week with visitation and funeral and spending time with family and friends. You did the right thing just to let him know your thoughts were with him. He knows where to find you if he needs you so just wait til maybe next week and call him and see how he is doing.

Posted

Did he respond to your "thinking about you" text? If not, then no, do not reach out to him again.

 

While I've never subscribed to the notion that men should initiate all contact between dates, I do subscribe to the one text/phone call rule. You send one text or phone call. After that it's up to him to respond.

 

If he's still grieving his friend, perhaps he needs more time before he is ready to reach out to you. But the fact that he was hot/cold before the death indicates that maybe that's just the way he is. Up to you to decide whether or not that works for you (it wouldn't work for me, personally).

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Posted

Thanks for the advice! Yes I agree it might just be best to let him be at this time. I'll let him reach out to me when he is ready.

 

He's been a tough one to let go of. He is wonderful man but can not make me a priority in his life at this time for reasons I understand and reasons that are hard to explain on here (work MUST be #1 and I wouldn't change that) and to top it off he is a commitment phobic because of his family history. We shall see what happens, I can't sit around forever...that I know.

Posted

Oh HeartOnSleeve,

 

I've been reading your posts regarding this guy since some time now. I think you deserve so much better. You deserve at least a guy that can fully reciprocate, someone that returns the effort that you yourself put into building a relationship.

Posted

Ummm is that you in your avatar, heart? Because you are unbelievably beautiful and with what I gather from your personality and compassion, I'm not sure why this guy wouldn't want you right next to him throughout this difficult time.

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