stillhurt Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 The ex has let me down, hurt me, and I degraded myself to be with him one more time even when all his actions showed that he was just using me. It's like I was stupid enough to question if he was a douche or not so I had to make sure. What a retard! Many of you have told me that I allowed it all to happen and that I was the problem this time around. Sadly, I agree. I gave him all the power in our last meeting and now feel that I defeated myself. It wasn't him that put me where I am now, it was me. I do know that I will not reach out to this person again. So, why the hell do I still feel sad? I still feel like he let me down. Worse of all, I let myself down. I should no longer feel anything when it comes to him and our past. Only anger and resentment should be left in me. This guy pisses me off, because after all the crap he pulled on me, he still wanted to act like he cares for me, up to his last words to me! He's not a good guy, why pretend? It's his act that led me down the path of self-degradation. I feel like a fool. I went out last night with someone that had similar values and a seemingly good head on their shoulders. And, it was nice. I have no expectations as I know I am just trying to heal and get out there to clear my head. But, this morning I still felt sad that the ex and I ended up the way we did. I guess I just had so much hope tied into that relationship and it feels like I will never have that again. I don't know if I will ever trust someone that implicitly again. I feel weird and weak that I should feel this like over someone who treated me with no respect and care, forget about any love. What the hell is wrong with me? Shouldn't I feel nothing but happiness that I finally realized he's a selfish jerk?
geegirl Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Still, you're being too hard on yourself. You love this man. No matter what he did, those feelings are still there. You are thinking with your heart. I saw my ex having sex with a woman in his driveway and eventhough I thought he was the biggest scumbag at that moment, the next morning, my heart bled. It's normal to feel this way. You are blinded by your emotions. If you give yourself time, those emotions will diminish and your attachment will lessen and that is when you mind will kick in. When that happens, the reality of who he really is will make sense to you. Right now, your sense is clouded by your feelings. It is perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with you.
BrokenLaw Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) Personally, granted im new here, but have you accepted that you will always feel something for him? My first bad breakup was similar, and I thought I shouldn't feel anything eventually, and kept wanting for eventually to come, which made me always think of the good and bad. This is a visicous cycle, that is very hard to get out of. Accept your feelings of hurt and anger, let them their due course. Learn from this and use it as experience to find your true love. Take time for yourself, do things you want to do, and when your least expecting it, eventually will be there. Go out with your friends not trying to get with anyone, just to look around, and you'll realize that their are other people out there and that helped me a lot. Edited September 21, 2011 by BrokenLaw
Author stillhurt Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Gee Girl, your ex is just as bad as mine! How did you ever reach the state you are in? Is it really just NC? What else helped? BrokenLaw, I have done all the things you mentioned above, but I think I will probably always feel sad when I look back at this relationship. It was my first one, and it ended ugly. So, I guess that sense of disappointment will never leave. I just don't want to be sad about it anymore. I don't need it and he doesn't deserve another second of my thoughts. His ego loves that I am suffering and I don't want to give him the satisfaction anymore! I wish I could just punch his face! But, that would entail me breaking NC...maybe it's worth it...lol
BrokenLaw Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Are you still in school? If so, make it your mission to be the best you can be, not only to show that you don't need him to succeed, but to show yourself you can without him. My first bad one was in HS (8 years ago), and damnit it felt great and empowering when I getting A's. Set goals for yourself everyday and REACH THEM. It may be as simple as running a mile or doing laundry or cleaning out that dresser you've been putting off for too long. Show yourself you can still be you, and be great at you without anyone else, especially him. A doctor told me once to print out a picture of the person that hurt me, tape it to a pillow, and let out all that anger. Before you do this, think of this as the final barrier to moving foward, and once you break through it, you cannot go back.
Author stillhurt Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 LOL! Broken Law, I am in my 30's with a graduate degree and in a career where I can continue to grow and be successful. I have a wonderful family that has tried to be supportive through this whole break up and has put up with my grouchy mood. When we broke up 7 months ago, I threw myself into eating healthier, exercise, finding hobbies, and making new friends. I succeeded in all of that and in many ways am happier. But, at the end of each day, I was still lost and hurting. It just proves that no matter how together I may have it to the outside, when it comes to the matter of the heart, I was a total idiot/mess. I thought this guy was great even after our break up, until like Gee Girl said in another one of my posts, he had to practically smear crap all over my face for me to see him for who he really is. I have been through this stage already of disappointment and anger, but I really hope that this is the last time.
BrokenLaw Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Ah well i'm glad I gave you a laugh! It really is the best medicine... If you could, would you comment on my post? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298791/
Author stillhurt Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Broken Law, I am not laughing at your comment, I am laughing at myself because I know how inexperienced I sound for someone my age. I even took kickboxing where I imagined my ex's face as I punched and kicked away. No matter what, the care and love I had for him did not disappear. I guess I just take relationships more serious than most people these days. I will definitely read your post and comment!
EatPrayLove Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 The ex has let me down, hurt me, and I degraded myself to be with him one more time even when all his actions showed that he was just using me. It's like I was stupid enough to question if he was a douche or not so I had to make sure. What a retard! Many of you have told me that I allowed it all to happen and that I was the problem this time around. Sadly, I agree. I gave him all the power in our last meeting and now feel that I defeated myself. It wasn't him that put me where I am now, it was me. I do know that I will not reach out to this person again. So, why the hell do I still feel sad? I still feel like he let me down. Worse of all, I let myself down. I should no longer feel anything when it comes to him and our past. Only anger and resentment should be left in me. This guy pisses me off, because after all the crap he pulled on me, he still wanted to act like he cares for me, up to his last words to me! He's not a good guy, why pretend? It's his act that led me down the path of self-degradation. I feel like a fool. I went out last night with someone that had similar values and a seemingly good head on their shoulders. And, it was nice. I have no expectations as I know I am just trying to heal and get out there to clear my head. But, this morning I still felt sad that the ex and I ended up the way we did. I guess I just had so much hope tied into that relationship and it feels like I will never have that again. I don't know if I will ever trust someone that implicitly again. I feel weird and weak that I should feel this like over someone who treated me with no respect and care, forget about any love. What the hell is wrong with me? Shouldn't I feel nothing but happiness that I finally realized he's a selfish jerk? Nothing is wrong with you. I still feel sad that me and my ex ended up the way we did as well. I had so much hope tied up in the relationship and I am also afraid I will never click with someone the way he and I clicked or love someone the way I loved him. He was horrible to me yet I still miss him sometimes. You and I are just two of many people who still hurt for the past relationship even though the ex is a jerk. My ex contacted me for the first time in almost 6 months this past Saturday at 4 am and now I'm feeling the pangs of loneliness, sadness and want again. I know I won't feel happy about the relationship being over for at least another 6 months. I need time to heal and I think you need time, too. I think you need to take the pressure off yourself to get over him so quickly. Really, 7 months isn't that long to heal. You need more time and so do I. Give yourself that time and don't push the healing process.
Author stillhurt Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 EatPrayLove, I think that's what I am afraid of. I think that if he were to text me in 6 months it would still shake me up. And, I have a bad feeling that I would be just as affected as you are now. I am in a place where none of it seems to make sense. I know that relationships are not black & white, but I just feel that if it has gotten so ugly and I let myself down, then it's obviously time for me to put it all behind me. There shouldn't be anymore regret and definitely pointless to look back. But, my heart still aches. It literally pains me to breathe sometimes when I think about him. You are obviously very strong for maintaining NC for 6 months and I am sure those pangs of loneliness, sadness and want will leave you once again. I hope there will come a day that they leave me forever. It's not easy as I still want to reach out, but for what? I am no longer sure. I just have to constantly remind myself that he is capable of cheating and if I allowed myself to get so disrespected, there is something wrong with me. I need to work on myself so I am never put in the same situation again. I am sure that you will win this battle.
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