sensitive1 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I have caught my husband in too many lies lately. I just dont know which battles to choose. We are really strapped for cash. He is self employed and working from home. I have a 60 hr per week job. He spends all day on his PS3 and lately has started to use our joint credit card to buy points and games to the tune of 500-600 in just 2 weeks. when I ask him to stop....he says he will. Every night I ask him to stop and he says he didnt charge anything to the card, yet the next day I see more charges on the account. the same thing goes for Casino's. whenever I go out of town on business, he goes to the casino. When I ask him if he went......he says no. I thought it strange that what is normally a 45 minute ride home from dropping me off at the airport took him over 2 hours. When i reached my destination I called to let him know......and he told me he has been stuck in traffic for 2 hours! Really??????? Then I look at the bank statements and he dropped 400 bucks at the casino after dropping me off. I guess the money is a big part of it.......but the LIES! How would you handle this situation?
Linda9999 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Does the man work and have his own income? If not, I'd be taking away ALL his credit and bank cards and getting my own account that he doesn't have access to. Is this a recent thing or is it ongoing? If he has his own income I guess you can't really dictate what he does with it as long as the bills are paid. Are your bills at least paid before he spends this money? As for the lies, he may have a gambling addiction and an online game addiction. He may feel he has to lie to you because he's afraid of your reaction (which I know makes no sense, but that's the way they think). Have you talked calmly about it with him? Have you sat down with him and shown him the long term consequences, financially speaking?
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I would calmly tell him each time "You are lying. You were at the casino, bc you got a $400 cash advance. Why are you lying to me?" I would guess his underlying reason for lying is shame. He may not be making a lot of money or putting a lot of effort into his work, and he wants to hide his indiscretions because he knows he is doing the wrong thing. The casino thing could also be an effort to make a big win in order to help provide. As for the money, ask the credit card company to lower all of your limits (except for possibly one, if you need to have that for corporate travel expenses - and you can even ask your company for a cash advance against travel expenses, in order to lower that card's limit, too). You can also lower the amount of cash that can be withdrawn at an ATM each day. (Then again, that can be a pain for you if you travel a lot, though.)
Author sensitive1 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) The CC he is using is actually the only one he has in his (our) name. He uses it for business trips. I really think he has an addiction problem. Yes he brings in some money to help pay the bills........but on top of that we cant ge ahead if he just keeps charging for foolish things. At the casino he withdrew his account to just 15 cents! As a result he is using the CC for gas and travel expenses......hotels and dinner. I am in charge of our finances and try to show him that paying our bills 2 months in arrears is not a good thing. I feel like I am doing a juggling act just to not have things turned off. and here he blows almost $1000 in two weeks and lies about it. I am really resentful about the lying. and even worse......go to the casino and have all the fun himself while I work my a** off! An the nerve when I talk to him about the finances.....he tells me "don't worry about it, I will give you an extra $50 to pay on the credit card". At that rate we will never pay it off.......the interest every month is more than that. It just makes me wonder what else he is lying about. He used to have a porn addiction problem.........he told me he is done with that.....probably another lie. Edited September 21, 2011 by sensitive1
Author sensitive1 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Is there any help for people who lie so much? He wont go to marriage counciling.
justplaintired Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Wow, that is a lot of money! I would recommend addiction counseling, even though he says he won't go. Maybe if faced with an ultimatum, he will change his mind. Hopefully he wouldn't want to see a marriage go down the drain over some games....
bigmomma1974 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I would take all the money out of the checking accounts, cancel all CC cards that he has access to and open up an account with just your name on it.Then I would sit him down and explain these actions and tell him he either gets help for his lying and what seems to be like a gambling/game addiction or your walking out and filing for divorce. The lies are there most likley because he has an addiction to these things and he doesn't want you to know that he has an issue and can't stop, thats how all the addicts I know are. Good luck and stand your ground, dont let him run your credit into the ground with his problems.
KathyM Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Your husband has a gambling addiction and needs your help to fight it. Insist that he contact a gamblers anonymous group, and they will help him fight the addiction. There is also a support group you could go to for family members of those addicted. Don't try to fight this yourself. He cannot fight this himself. He is too pulled into the addiction to fight it on his own. Call the gamblers anonymous group and drive your husband over there. I know how difficult addictions can be. My father was an alcoholic for most of his adult life. Unfortunately, my mother did not have the guts to put her foot down and insist that he go to AA meetings. I also know a man who is addicted to online gaming, and a woman addicted to shopping (and I mean seriously addicted). Call Gamblers Anonymous before you do anything else. If you try to control it on your own by monitoring his behavior, the addict will just figure out other ways to engage in the activity secretly.
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