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Would you get back with ur ex, knowing they were with someone else?

Kuite09

By Kuite09
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

Posted
Posted

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

I have some questions......if they would come back to you.....

 

Would you forgive them?

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Has anyone experienced this?

SugarLily Established Member

SugarLily

Posted
Posted

I reconciled with my ex after we had both dated other people for a few months.

 

It was really difficult to process - and it was really hard to move forwards with our relationship.

 

But in our minds, we genuinely 'loved' each other - we were 'crazy' about each other - we wanted to make it work. The reality was that the other relationships were rebounds - there wasn't any substance to them - and there was no future for us with those people.

 

Me and my ex did get through it - which was a miracle because we were both crazy jealous.

 

I think it helped to know that the girl he dated didn't mean anything to him, and the guy I dated didn't mean anything to me.

 

But it is also important to remember that this guy is now my ex.

 

 

x

gluttonForPunishment Member

gluttonForPunishment

Posted
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I did and I wish I never had. But, simply because she left me for another man and then realized he was a jerk and she came back to me. Now she left again, so she can find multiple men. Some women and men have no feelings inside, and plain and simple only care for themselves. I was married to one of them.

stillhurt Established Member

stillhurt

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Sadly, I know how that feels. My ex is currently in a relationship and although he has said that he does not love this woman, he thinks he can. But, this is of course after I showed how much I still cared.

 

I think it's hard to go back and still feel like the relationship between the two of you is what it used to be. Because, one of you, decided at some point, that the other is expendable, and that they want to find someone better. Is that something you really want to go back to? I used to think maybe, but now I know I would never truly feel secure in that relationship.

Ginger Beer Established Member

Ginger Beer

Posted
Posted
Sadly, I know how that feels. My ex is currently in a relationship and although he has said that he does not love this woman, he thinks he can. But, this is of course after I showed how much I still cared.

 

I think it's hard to go back and still feel like the relationship between the two of you is what it used to be. Because, one of you, decided at some point, that the other is expendable, and that they want to find someone better. Is that something you really want to go back to? I used to think maybe, but now I know I would never truly feel secure in that relationship.

 

This. It's horrible being with someone when you know you're not their first choice.

M2155 Established Member

M2155

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Knowing they were with someone else doesn't bother me since people my age (30-40) are going to have some baggage/history/children/ex-husbands etc... I'm thinking I should date younger men;)

 

When I was younger I always had guys come back around but it never worked, but I don't think we were ever that serious and we are growing and changing. I would forgive the ex if he came back BECAUSE sometimes you have to leave the nest to appreciate it. I know that isn't a good strategy in general but eventually when I hear from all my exes, they tell me they did not appreciate what they had in me at the time.

 

I'm realizing now with my recent ex, I was very much in love with him and I don't think he loved me- although I do think he wanted it to work. I'm not sure at what point he gave up and fell back into the arms of his ex, so there's an example for you. They've been together a couple months and by all accounts seem to be very happy. I don't know if he just always loved her or she strokes his ego the way he apparently needs. I find it hard to imagine this won't last, they look like the super-cutesy happy couple that are always doing sweet things for each other it makes you gag, yet they seem sincere. He also has daughters and granted she knows them already, he was extremely slow to let me into their lives. Now they are just a big happy family, oh by the way, before I was informed of any of this!

 

Would I take him back? I would consider it. I'd be lying if I said no. I know I have a strong flame for him and knowing all the things I've learned I think I could handle myself better. But I'd have to make him work to regain trust and give him time to let her go. It feels like if that were to ever happen it would be years down the line. I can't see that burning out in a couple months and plus I think he really determined to settle down with her :( But if that were to fail and I was single and fully healed, maybe.

mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
Posted
I reconciled with my ex after we had both dated other people for a few months.

 

It was really difficult to process - and it was really hard to move forwards with our relationship.

 

But in our minds, we genuinely 'loved' each other - we were 'crazy' about each other - we wanted to make it work. The reality was that the other relationships were rebounds - there wasn't any substance to them - and there was no future for us with those people.

 

Me and my ex did get through it - which was a miracle because we were both crazy jealous.

 

I think it helped to know that the girl he dated didn't mean anything to him, and the guy I dated didn't mean anything to me.

 

But it is also important to remember that this guy is now my ex.

 

 

x

You mean the guy you got back with, the one you loved is now your ex? What happened?

SugarLily Established Member

SugarLily

Posted
Posted

Mike - Go read my threads.

 

Though the story isn't all that complex - he wasn't a very nice person - but I was very dependent on him. He was emotionally abusive - i've never said that before, but he was. It sounds like a strong statement - and it is - but he broke me in many ways.

 

Ultimately, he left me. I was never strong enough to leave him.

 

x

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

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Knowing they were with someone else doesn't bother me since people my age (30-40) are going to have some baggage/history/children/ex-husbands etc... I'm thinking I should date younger men;)

 

When I was younger I always had guys come back around but it never worked, but I don't think we were ever that serious and we are growing and changing. I would forgive the ex if he came back BECAUSE sometimes you have to leave the nest to appreciate it. I know that isn't a good strategy in general but eventually when I hear from all my exes, they tell me they did not appreciate what they had in me at the time.

 

I'm realizing now with my recent ex, I was very much in love with him and I don't think he loved me- although I do think he wanted it to work. I'm not sure at what point he gave up and fell back into the arms of his ex, so there's an example for you. They've been together a couple months and by all accounts seem to be very happy. I don't know if he just always loved her or she strokes his ego the way he apparently needs. I find it hard to imagine this won't last, they look like the super-cutesy happy couple that are always doing sweet things for each other it makes you gag, yet they seem sincere. He also has daughters and granted she knows them already, he was extremely slow to let me into their lives. Now they are just a big happy family, oh by the way, before I was informed of any of this!

 

Would I take him back? I would consider it. I'd be lying if I said no. I know I have a strong flame for him and knowing all the things I've learned I think I could handle myself better. But I'd have to make him work to regain trust and give him time to let her go. It feels like if that were to ever happen it would be years down the line. I can't see that burning out in a couple months and plus I think he really determined to settle down with her :( But if that were to fail and I was single and fully healed, maybe.

 

 

Yea I feel the same, if it was to ever work out it would be years down the road and by then I may have someone new in my life and happy.

In a crazy way though I just feel like that prob won't ever happen, yea 7 yrs of history is a long time but people get tired and rather move on with their lives I guess.

Thieves Established Member

Thieves

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Posted
Has anyone experienced this?

 

Would you forgive them? Depends on how much they've grown as a person, and whether they've learned from their mistakes they made with me in the past. If they fail to take responsibility for their faults in the relationship, like I do for mine, then I'd most likely forgive them BUT, would I be with them again? Most likely not.

 

If you still had feelings would you still want them back? Of course I'd still want them back. It's like having a delicious dessert in front of you, taking a small bite and then having it totally snatched away from you. Of course you still long for it, to savor it and finish it since you never had the chance to.

 

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option? Honestly, yes, I would. Yeah, there's the phrase 'You don't know what you got till it's gone', but you don't always get to get back what ya got. You know? :laugh: I feel like especially in today's fast consumerism society, it's not only spread to material stuff but to relationships too. I feel like people throw away other people too easily sometimes, since they think they can get what they want 'for less' from someone else. And if they don't get it, they throw the other person out and move onto another... etc. It's kinda sad that some people see others as so expendable. Like paper dolls you can just throw out or something.

 

Would you even take them back? Depends again. Have they grown? Have they learned from whatever other relationships they had in the meantime? Did the relationships they had mean anything? To be honest, I'd be reluctant. It's more rewarding to fall in love and be with someone who recognizes how great you are from the beginning to end. :)

The_Good_Me Established Member

The_Good_Me

Posted
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Quick background before I chuck my 2 pence in... Was with my ex for 10 years, first loves, late proposal (last year), just about to get married and she left, potentially gigs (all the signs are there) but can never be 100% about these things...

 

Would you forgive them?

 

In time I will forgive her as I have accepted several things since I was dumped in April. I have realised that she, as a human, is fully entitled to do whatever she likes. I am not her keeper afterall. If she felt like the relationship wasn't working and wanted someone else then she is totally free to make that choice. It still hurts that it happened and at the moment I do not forgive not getting a proper reason why she left me. Forgiveness will come, I am strong enough to forgive but I am not ready just yet.

 

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

 

In my time apart from her I have also accepted that I am going to have strong feelings for her for a long time while not being with her. If she were to come back while I still have those feelings then I would want her back but I know the right thing to do would be to tell her that I am not strong enough to be in a relationship with her while I fear she'll run out on me again. It would break my heart all over again and I'd be in fits of tears telling her no but it would be the right thing to do! I think I'm going to need a few years to get over it and I think getting back together so soon after someone ups and leaves is dangerous. The dust needs to settle and for a 10 year relationship, the dust will not settle for a long time.

 

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

 

I think it would all depend on the reasons for her coming back. If she were to tell me that she hasn't felt with other men what she felt with me, says that after exploring other men she feels that I am the one for her then I would feel better about it all. Yes in essense she will have chosen other people meaning I have been the second option, but coming back to me in that context would make me the first option again. I could forgive her being with other people if I thought she was truly back in love with me and wanted nothing more than to be with me. That might be my age (I am 29 soon) and I think the younger you are, the less likely you are to forgive. Could be wrong there, it's just my interpretation so far and as always, there are expections.

 

If she came back to me after getting dumped or suffered from an abusive relationship then I would consider myself an emotional crutch, a family member without being a family member with benefits for a short while. In my eyes, dumpers that come back for that reason only stay until they find someone better again. You end up being used.

 

Would you even take them back?

 

Again it would depend on her reasons for coming back, how she genuinely feels about me and what she has done since the break up. I will want her to come back for a long time, that's the emotional side of me as it's still attached to her in a big way. I would, however, approach the situation logically as it is the only way to protect your emotional self in the long run.

 

Of course if I were in a stable and loving relationship and she were to come back, the current relationship would take priority for me. I'm only going to get involved with someone else when I am truly over my ex and ready to move on.

GG3 Established Member

GG3

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I did and don't regret it. We both dated and other people and he was involved with another woman briefly. I can be a little jealous but it does not bother me that he was with her. I am in my 30's and he is in his 40's and people are going to date when you are apart and have sex with others, you can't escape it. I feel like being apart SOMETIMES can provide clarity or make one person appreciate what they had.

danny1972 Member

danny1972

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need some more details ... you never told us about the circumstances that surrounds your situation

danny1972 Member

danny1972

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dude this forum is for genuine people with genuine problems , i wish all i had to worry about was hair type

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

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Yea, I know it all depends on why we broke up in the first place.

He had trust issues on my part and also sometimes I would act too clingy, immature and like a brat.

He always told me that all he ever wanted me to do was to just chnage my ways but I guess he just got tired.

 

We were together for a total of 7 yrs and we also had a previous break up over 2 years ago for a whole year but we've been in each other lives for a total of 7 yrs.

We are no longer kids, I am 28 and he is 36.

 

I guess I was just curious in knowing because even though he is with someone the few times we've spoken he continues to tells me that he cares, loves me and that you never know what can happen in the future.

He was honest from the jump and I know I need to appriciate that but I feel like sometimes I wish I never knew if he was or was not with someone.

What always had me confused is that if you still say you love me, miss me etc why can't you just be with me when I am willing to do whatever to make it work but I guess like he stated he couldnt do it anymore and maybe one day things can be different and you never know what happens in the future.

Its 7 yrs of history and the thought of him being with someone else kills me inside.

He even told me theres things about the new girl that hes already questioning. He said hes happy with her life right now with no drama and worries but he is cautious on whats going on with this new person.

 

 

The thought of him coming back to me one day has crossed my mind but sometimes I feel like why come back after you were seeing someone else?

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

Posted
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I did and don't regret it. We both dated and other people and he was involved with another woman briefly. I can be a little jealous but it does not bother me that he was with her. I am in my 30's and he is in his 40's and people are going to date when you are apart and have sex with others, you can't escape it. I feel like being apart SOMETIMES can provide clarity or make one person appreciate what they had.[/QUOTE]

 

GG3,

Its funny you even stated that because one of the last convos my ex and I had he stated has his moments of clarity and makes him rethink about a whole lot.

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

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Let me also add.....

 

He told me back in May that he was seeing someone so I decided to go NC/LC until August he started calling, texting here and there and then stated he wanted to see me real soon but I was here thinking maybe it didnt work with the person he was seeing but comes out to be he was still seeing her while he was trying to see me.

I know he doesnt have bad intentions, my ex is not a jerk or the player type he just was honest when he stated he wanted to see but it never got to that point because when i found he was still with the new chick I flipped and started going crazy on him, calling, texting etc asking how could he do this to me etc.

 

I know that begging and all that crying stuff prob pushed me back a whole lot but I was hurt knowing he was still with her and telling me I love you, miss you and want to see you soon.

 

That was 2 weeks ago and havn't spoken to him since then.

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Kuite09 Established Member

Kuite09

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I had to bump this thread to continue getting opinions :cool:

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