BlueLP Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Today is a week since I've had any contact with her, and almost 3 weeks since we've talked. I'm holding out talking to her because she needs the space. Last time she emailed me, she said she knew she could pick up the phone and call me, but she wasn't ready yet because her feelings were still confused. We're broken up, but it's too ambiguous for me....I spend half my time imagining that she's completely gone and moving on, and the rest hoping with all my heart that with no contact she'll regain the feelings she used to have. All I can do right now is wait until she calls. I'd like to wait for this while absorbing myself in other things, but it seems impossible for my mind to do. I go to the store and ache because I remember her being there with me. I go to get a movie, and suffer from browsing past about 15 movies we saw together. I read the news and notice stories from her home state. I watch TV and listen to music, but every show/song seems to be about love, or something that she used to watch. I go shopping, and think of her complimenting/making fun of me for my new clothes. Yuck. I know reminders fade eventually, but it's so hard when everything reminds me of her. I just want to sit around and cry, I miss her so much. I hope she calls soon, I miss her company and love. One more day down until she does call to talk.
dreaming4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Thanks...reading this just gave me what I was looking for. So there ARE nice guys out there still....good to know! Thanks. Sorry about your breakup, I'm going through one right now myself and yes it sucks because on one hand I want him back so bad and on the other hand I want to move on and be over him. And I agree that everything reminds me of him as well. I'd suggest just trying to busy yourself with other things, that's what I'm doing. I know stupid quotes don't exactly help but it's true "time heals all wounds". Good luck!
LILUIL Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by BlueLP Today is a week since I've had any contact with her, and almost 3 weeks since we've talked. I'm holding out talking to her because she needs the space. ..... All I can do right now is wait until she calls. I'd like to wait for this while absorbing myself in other things, but it seems impossible for my mind to do. Sigh! Comforting once again to find someone in the same boat as I am. "Love... that exploding cigar we willingly smoke" "Giving someone all your love is never assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be contented it grew in yours" I've been reading that every morning for the past 3 days.
Author BlueLP Posted May 13, 2004 Author Posted May 13, 2004 I decided to send her a short email today....I had a 6 hour drive to think about life and about her and to process my feelings. I really felt the need to have some kind of contact with her afterwards, but to do it in the right way. She probably would not have been happy about a surprise phone call. I'm doing a lot better than a few weeks ago. You know, I really do think there's a good chance she'll be back...there simply isn't anyone out there who's going to treat her better than me. Previous girlfriends have come back to me for that reason, I hope she feels the same. And if she doesn't I know that I've given her my best, and we both know that it's her loss. I told her in the email basically that I understood and respected the space we are having right now, and that I'm doing well. Then I mentioned my trip and that I did a lot of driving and thinking today and I just missed talking with her. I missed talking with someone who was my best friend for so long and understands me like she does. I wished her luck on finals, etc and said then goodbye. Pretty short and sweet. So we'll see if she responds or not (I told her not to worry about responding). I've been expecting a phone call from her this weekend or a little after because her major final is due friday. I'm looking forward to hearing her voice again, but pretty damn worried what she's going to say about her "confusing feelings."
Author BlueLP Posted May 14, 2004 Author Posted May 14, 2004 So she emailed me back and first asked me some pretty neutral questions about my trip and then she said: I also miss talking to you- it is hard to suddenly not talk to someone who i talked to for about 1-2 hrs every day for about a year. You are one of the few people in this world who knows me very well and it is hard to lose that. Well, I should prob go. I hope everything is going well for you and that you are happy and relaxed. I bet summers in VA are beautiful. Talk to you later, X I know that I haved my nutcase filter going, but I took these as the words of a sweet girl who's getting over me, still very happy with her decision, but trying to be nice. I haven't talked to her in three weeks so I have no basis for anything, but my negative interpretation is that she's thankful for what we had, but done. Do you think I should be interpreting this as bad, as good, or just letting it go? I'm really not sure, but it's take me out of the good place I've been in the last couple days. I guess I was still expecting us to need a lot of time apart right now regardless of what happens later, but it's hard to hear her the person I love trying to be neutral and nice to me right now.
MESO Posted May 14, 2004 Posted May 14, 2004 Im sorry to say but it does sound like she is moving on.... maybe she does miss you but i think all of your assumptions are right that she is still happy with her decision Still give it time...worrry about yourself and not her If it was meant to be shell come back...but after while you will see tehre is more out there Best of Luck
dreaming4ever Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 I agree that it sounds like she is moving on and that she misses you but is happy with her decision. That's the same kind of things my ex said to me when we had contact. He said he loves me more than anyone in the world and he thinks we'll always be best friends but that's it, we just don't work in a romantic relationship. He said he misses our closeness but that's to be expected and he also hoped I was doing well and that I was happy. I was dumb and momentarily interpreted "I REALLY miss you" as being that he wanted to get back together. Well, I was wrong, don't do that to yourself....just move on. There's other nice people out there for you....just give it some time.
Author BlueLP Posted May 15, 2004 Author Posted May 15, 2004 Thanks guys. It's really hard to hear that, but I'm glad I have some objective opinions from people outside the situation. She's never felt so gone as right now. It feels so harsh. She hasn't even called me to explain why she seems to be moving on. The last time we talked, she thought it was good we weren't together, but she was going to think and deal with her emotions. Later she sent an email that she wasn't ready to talk yet because of confused feelings. I just want some explanation of what her "confused feelings" have yielded now, because that's where I was left. If she's just been trying to nicely break up with me all this time, I wish she would just screw it and tell me why I'm not right for her. If not (and it seems like she was genuinely confused to me), I want to hear what has happened during this time apart. I suppose it doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, she appears to be moving on for now. I'm not going to contact her because I don't want to beat myself over the head hearing from reasons why we shouldn't be together. But geez, just give me a call already, don't leave me in a place like this.
sanjnyc Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 I feel for you man. I'm in a similar situation myself. Its been 3 weeks today since I last spoke to my gf. The last conversation was okay - she was like maybe we could go out to dinner this week or something. That was 3 weeks ago and I havent called nor has she called me. We've been broken up now for about 2 months and were together for 31/2 years. I have my pride so I'm not calling even though it kills me some days not to call. I keep thinking about her being with someone else and that makes me sick to my stomach. I keep thinking since she has not called that maybe shes with someone else. Im not sure if that makes sense but thats how my mind works. I really dont see her jumping into something else with someone but who knows........All I know is I am thinking about her too much and when I talk to my friends, they feel like I should be over it by now and to let her go, and that shes not worth it. They are probably right but why am I thinking about a girl who wasnt even that great and wasnt even nice to me. She was such a cold hearted bitch to me but Im still missing her. What the hell is wrong with me? Some days are good but the days I am by myself and noone is around I think about her more and about calling her but I havent which Im glad about. I just wonder if its bothering her at all that Im not calling.
Author BlueLP Posted May 17, 2004 Author Posted May 17, 2004 Giving time and space actually works with the right situation!! Tonight I talked with my ex-girlfriend after 3-4 weeks apart, because I needed to have more closure or clarification. This whole time I've been patient and left her alone mostly, but I knew that I'd reached a spot where we both probably had enough time to reflect on our situations and make personal changes. I just needed to talk, and going into it I realized that while I was going to get some resolution, there was about a 95% chance it would be the end with her. Lo and behold, it was fantastic! We talked for an hour....lightly for a while, catching up on all that has gone on and then we felt each other out as far as our relationship. She was so friendly and wanting to talk to me, and me the same. We were so comfortable immediately, even after so long not talking. I told her all that has changed for the better for me, and all that I've thought about, and how even with all this good I still genuinely missed talking with her. She said the same to me. Later she asked me where I thought that left us or was going. I said that I didn't know, but I'd like to just have a visit between us and see what it was like...no guarantees or anything but it would just be really good to spend time with her. She was really excited about it! I could tell she was nervous in a good way about how I felt. She wants to see me! So she wants to spend even more time together than I expected, maybe even a week she suggested. This from the same girl that didn't have any desire to see me a couple weeks ago because she was so confused and emotionally drained. Who didn't want to spend a weekend together in case it was bad, because 2 days would be a long time. I don't know what to do, I'm just feeling so fortunate and lucky and back in control of my half of the relationship. I'm not going to get too high, because there is a long way to go, but geez there is hope again for us. This might be a major turning point day in my life that I'll remember forever,
sanjnyc Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 thats really great man. Just watch out for yourself when you do see her. I wish I could take control of my half of the relationship but Im not really sure how to do that. The only thing I have been doing is not calling and Im not sure if that is even bothering her one bit. Now Im starting to feel like if I dont call, we will never speak again. I guess if that happens that I should be glad cus that means she doesnt care about me but it still hurts. I really hate this. She comes online and doesnt even say hi. Doesnt forward me anything or email me. Btw, I still have her email and I check it from time to time to see if shes emailing someone else or something. I know its pretty pathetic. I hope Im doing the right thing right now. I dunno.
MESO Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 I was also with a girl that didnt treat me the best....people are telling me that they didnt like the way she treated me and i know its true...but just like you i still mis ss her... we still talk tho and see each other once in a while... And Im with her and i think why am i missing this she is so cold..and just not a nice person...but it just seems like a front to me...because she was also the girl that loved me so much. and treated me so good at one point...so while i think i can do better i still see her do things that make me melt and make me miss her so much.... im confused nothing is wrong with you, im there too
Author BlueLP Posted May 17, 2004 Author Posted May 17, 2004 Yes, I'm going to be very careful. I was proud of myself for staying calm and light on the phone and taking it slow even though I wanted to shout out how happy I was and how much I still care about her. Ok, so I hope this development doesn't damage my credibility in your eyes but hang in there man. People kept telling me during all of this that I was in control of myself and my half...that I controlled the way I reacted to the situation and the way I chose not to contact her. I was really never able to totally absorb that, it felt like I wasn't in control of my half of the relationship. I think maybe the difficult part of that feeling is the way we look at the other's perspective as a measuring stick of "control." I think it takes tons of growth (which I was moving toward, but I'm still not there yet) to conduct yourself in a decent way for your own benefit. For the same reason you would do an anonymous act of kindness, I think that dealing with such a tough situation so properly shows you a lot about yourself, and is something to take pride in even if the other person doesn't notice or care. Ok, so this probably sounds like a bunch of rhetoric but at least know that all the people posting here see how hard it is and how great a person you must be to treat your ex like you are.
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