Would you get back with ur ex? if you knew they were with someone else??

[Kuite09]

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

I have some questions......if they would come back to you.....

 

Would you forgive them?

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Has anyone experienced this?

Edited September 21, 2011 by Kuite09
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[HappyFlower]

Firstly is totally depends on the reason for the breakup and if improvements had been / were being made in between.

 

What the ex does when you're not together anymore isn't something you can hold against them, its up to you to decide if you're uncomfortable with it or not.

 

If I wanted my ex back but they slept with someone like a week after we split, then I'd still take them back if everything else was ok. If they'd been seeing someone else for a while and that didn't work out and they came crawling back, then no, probably not. But again, that depends on the person and the situation.

 

You should treat getting back with your ex as an entirely new relationship, especially if they've seen someone else in between

[KathyM]

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

I have some questions......if they would come back to you.....

 

Would you forgive them?

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Has anyone experienced this?

If people have broken up with each other, they are free to date others. It is not cheating to date someone after you have broken up. If the parties decide they still have feelings for each other and want to make the relationship work after a period of separation, I would not hesitate to get back together. There is nothing to forgive. People move on with their lives after a break up or separation.

[Kuite09]

Firstly is totally depends on the reason for the breakup and if improvements had been / were being made in between.

 

What the ex does when you're not together anymore isn't something you can hold against them, its up to you to decide if you're uncomfortable with it or not.

 

If I wanted my ex back but they slept with someone like a week after we split, then I'd still take them back if everything else was ok. If they'd been seeing someone else for a while and that didn't work out and they came crawling back, then no, probably not. But again, that depends on the person and the situation.

 

You should treat getting back with your ex as an entirely new relationship, especially if they've seen someone else in between

 

I know what happens during the break up its no ones problem any longer...I guess just the thought of them being with someone and dating someone else for months etc and then trying to come back makes me feel like I would be their second option etc.

Then again if they do come back its basically because they realized that they truly did love me and wanted to be with me..right?

 

Its so confusing!

[Kuite09]

If people have broken up with each other, they are free to date others. It is not cheating to date someone after you have broken up. If the parties decide they still have feelings for each other and want to make the relationship work after a period of separation, I would not hesitate to get back together. There is nothing to forgive. People move on with their lives after a break up or separation.

 

I know its not cheating to date others but the fact that they are just makes me feel like they truly didn't care etc.

 

If the ex comes back I don't know if to believe him that he truly loves me etc.

 

I was just wondering because I hear some people say, Hell no never I will take them back but then again I hear others say if theres been positive changes etc then yes.

[othersideofthepillow]

Kuite09 this situation really depends on if the things that lead to a break up in the first place have been corrected and are no longer a issue. if they are not than its doomed for a break up again.

 

yes it can be difficult to accept that your ex dated someone else but like others said they were single so they werent cheating on you. in actuality a lot of people jump into relationships right after a break up cause they dont want to be alone - there can be some feelings attached however they are usually quick fading and nothing of substance.

 

it depends on how you are as a person as well....if you can forgive and forget than cool. if not and its something that you can never get over than its best to just let them keep going.

 

for me, i can forgive and forget....but i learn from the past and know that some people do make mistakes and need forgiveness....but in the end its all on if the things that caused the break up in the first place have been taken care of

[KathyM]

I know its not cheating to date others but the fact that they are just makes me feel like they truly didn't care etc.

 

If the ex comes back I don't know if to believe him that he truly loves me etc.

 

I was just wondering because I hear some people say, Hell no never I will take them back but then again I hear others say if theres been positive changes etc then yes.

The fact that they tried to move on with their life after a break up does not mean that they never had feelings for you. It just means that they are trying to move on with their life, or that they are trying to get over you. If they want to get back together later on, then that shows that they do care about you. Of course they should want to work on whatever it is that caused the breakup so that it doesn't create problems in the future. I do believe that some people realize after leaving a SO that it was a terrible mistake to do so, and they then want to have that person back in their life and they can make it work sometimes. Of course, it depends why you broke up in the first place if it makes sense to try it again. If he decided he wanted to explore his options, and that is why he left, then I would not take him back. That shows he does not value you enough. But if you had some kind of other issue, it may be possible to work on that and get back together.

[name goeshere]

Finding out why they leave the new one is good also. If it is due to then realizing it couldn't compare to what you had it is a good sign. If they got dumped and a few hours later they try to contact you then I would back off and make them work more and prove why they want to get back together.

[othersideofthepillow]

def agree with what that last post!

[Kuite09]

Thanks so much for your responses guys.

 

Yea, I know it all depends on why we broke up in the first place.

He had trust issues on my part and also sometimes I would act too clingy, immature and like a brat.

He always told me that all he ever wanted me to do was to just chnage my ways but I guess he just got tired.

 

We were together for a total of 7 yrs and we also had a previous break up over 2 years ago for a whole year but we've been in each other lives for a total of 7 yrs.

We are no longer kids, I am 28 and he is 36.

 

I guess I was just curious in knowing because even though he is with someone the few times we've spoken he continues to tells me that he cares, loves me and that you never know what can happen in the future.

He was honest from the jump and I know I need to appriciate that but I feel like sometimes I wish I never knew if he was or was not with someone.

Its 7 yrs of history and the thought of him being with someone else kills me inside.

He even told me theres things about the new girl that hes already questioning. He said hes happy with her life right now with no drama and worries but he is cautious on whats going on with this new person.

 

 

The thought of him coming back to me one day has crossed my mind but sometimes I feel like why come back after you were seeing someone else?

[stillafool]

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

The problem is they usually do start dating others as soon as the breakup is over. So if you want them back you have no other choice but to accept it.

[Lis007]

If people have broken up with each other, they are free to date others. It is not cheating to date someone after you have broken up. If the parties decide they still have feelings for each other and want to make the relationship work after a period of separation, I would not hesitate to get back together. There is nothing to forgive. People move on with their lives after a break up or separation.

 

I agree with this! Yes it hurts but with love and understanding you can get past this.

[Kuite09]

I agree with this! Yes it hurts but with love and understanding you can get past this.

 

I know with love and understanding you can make it thru but I guess it will just be tough.

[Kuite09]

I need more input and advice so I just wanted to bump the thread.

[name goeshere]

I would not hop right back in but I would test the water and see if there was anything still left there.

[Kuite09]

I would not hop right back in but I would test the water and see if there was anything still left there.

 

Namesgoeshere:

Did you read above were I talk about why we broke up etc?

 

it seems as if he is confused or not sure if hes trying to keep me as back up etc. It was 7 yrs of history how can someone just forget you like that.

[goldengirl11]

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

I have some questions......if they would come back to you.....

 

Would you forgive them?

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Has anyone experienced this?

 

Hi Kuite 09,

 

When I first read your post I admit that my initial answer was yes, and still is;) However, I guess that I would have to know that it was over between him and the other person, particularly in my case when I am still waiting for my ex to come back who started dating someone else about 6 months ago.

Although it hadn't developed into a full blown relationship between us at that point though, I felt that it would probably/hopefully develop and wish I'd seen him in the last few weeks prior to when we last did, as think that's when he started losing interest, hence when this other business happened. I have wrote about this on another thread though so won't repeat myself.

[aerogurl87]

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

Possibly, depends on the issues that caused the break up and if I knew their motive behind doing so.

 

Would you forgive them?

 

Possibly.

 

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

 

Depends on how deep the feelings were.

 

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Depends on why they were dating the person. If it were to get over me quickly, I'd feel like the other person was just a rebound which does nothing to affect my ego or self worth. And in that case, if I still wanted them back and they said they wanted a second chance I'd consider it.

 

Now if they blatantly cheated for no reason and left me for someone else then I'd tell them "thanks but no thanks." I will never settle for being someone's back up plan. And yes there is a way to know the difference between the two if you know your ex partner well enough I believe.

 

Has anyone experienced this?

 

I experienced it. My ex left me for some random woman who was so innapropriately matched for him that his family and friends were wondering what the hell did I do to make him even consider dating this woman. Anyway, I knew the entire time that it was just an escape goat for him to get over me. Then a few weeks after our break up he called me and confirmed this to me. Almost a year and a half later after he went through a string of girlfriends he begged for me back and I said yes initially but changed my mind since I was kinda in a messy spot to be making such a decision. Fast forward 9 months later and he hasn't dated anyone else yet (just a few hook ups and f*ck buddies). I think he's still holding out hope, so I was right in the beginning like I knew I was. We'll see what the future brings but I'm not in a hurry to be his girlfriend again at this point in time.

[Kuite09]

Possibly, depends on the issues that caused the break up and if I knew their motive behind doing so.

 

 

 

Possibly.

 

 

 

Depends on how deep the feelings were.

 

 

 

Depends on why they were dating the person. If it were to get over me quickly, I'd feel like the other person was just a rebound which does nothing to affect my ego or self worth. And in that case, if I still wanted them back and they said they wanted a second chance I'd consider it.

 

Now if they blatantly cheated for no reason and left me for someone else then I'd tell them "thanks but no thanks." I will never settle for being someone's back up plan. And yes there is a way to know the difference between the two if you know your ex partner well enough I believe.

 

 

 

I experienced it. My ex left me for some random woman who was so innapropriately matched for him that his family and friends were wondering what the hell did I do to make him even consider dating this woman. Anyway, I knew the entire time that it was just an escape goat for him to get over me. Then a few weeks after our break up he called me and confirmed this to me. Almost a year and a half later after he went through a string of girlfriends he begged for me back and I said yes initially but changed my mind since I was kinda in a messy spot to be making such a decision. Fast forward 9 months later and he hasn't dated anyone else yet (just a few hook ups and f*ck buddies). I think he's still holding out hope, so I was right in the beginning like I knew I was. We'll see what the future brings but I'm not in a hurry to be his girlfriend again at this point in time.

 

Ive never been thru nothing like this so at 28, this is pretty shocking to me.

I guess I always thought no matter what we'll make it thru and becuz we have 7 yrs of history but when I found out he was seeing someone else I felt so horrible.

 

The fact he continued to tell me he loved me and still cared is what even confused me even more.

[smudge21]

I think it comes down to how the dumpee feels. If there's still a strong emotional bond for the ex, then it's a wrong decision as the dumper isn't thinking with a clear head - their heart is leading them, preventing them making clear choices. I know my heart is still very much leading me as I'm not over my ex totally yet.

 

Once that bond is broken and we, the dumpees, have moved on I reckon if the opportunity arises we can consider getting back with an ex, as now we can see the truth and think everything through. We no longer see them on that pedestal but instead we see the good and bad in them, and can go in with an open mind and be assertive when we demand that they prove that they're willing to make up for the way they treated us in the past.

[robaday]

This just happened to me. i was ok about getting back together, because i thought it was over because she was unhappy.

 

4 months or so after getting back together ive realized it was over because she wanted her ex boyfriend.......

 

now ive kicked her to the curb. for me at least, if a break ups for personal reasons, say depression, unhappiness, trust, moving away etc, then i would take them back. if its for another person, i wont. thats just me though.

[JohnP82]

I never would. I guess I just don't feel like I would want to be with someone who had to date someone else after me to realize how wonderful I was/am.

[Farrah]

Thats a tough one.Sometimes you gotta put your feelings on the side and do things unemotionally.Strategy should be how do I get him to be back for good.I read a post a lil while back think what he did id working.I quit all contct with his ex...when she called he ignored and when he finally responded he was short and curt now she wants to know how hes doing...sounds like shes coming back. Sometimes too much ttention is not good.

Reconcile with him if hes ready to commit to you exclusively. Dont let him rush back to you play a lil hard.Make sure hes over alll the bitchy venom.Compassion is key in relationship if hes really sorry its worth a try but keep an eye...

I spoke to a lady at the spa today her husband left her for 6 months for another, finally wanted to come bk..they are together now but it took its own course.Its your choice...if you love him its worth a shot but take your time.In the meantime dont forget to pamper yourself and treat yourself to nice things. Cause you deserve it. The problem was his not yours that he left.You are beautiful and could have anyone ..that how he should feel. He has a treat not a doormat.

 

 

Hi Loveshack

I am a little curious.....

 

Would you think about reconciling with an ex after you knew that right after the break up they dated someone else for weeks, months etc?

 

I have some questions......if they would come back to you.....

 

Would you forgive them?

If you still had feelings would you still want them back?

Wouldn't you feel like you were second option?

Would you even take them back?

 

Has anyone experienced this?

[Kuite09]

Thats a tough one.Sometimes you gotta put your feelings on the side and do things unemotionally.Strategy should be how do I get him to be back for good.I read a post a lil while back think what he did id working.I quit all contct with his ex...when she called he ignored and when he finally responded he was short and curt now she wants to know how hes doing...sounds like shes coming back. Sometimes too much ttention is not good.

Reconcile with him if hes ready to commit to you exclusively. Dont let him rush back to you play a lil hard.Make sure hes over alll the bitchy venom.Compassion is key in relationship if hes really sorry its worth a try but keep an eye...

I spoke to a lady at the spa today her husband left her for 6 months for another, finally wanted to come bk..they are together now but it took its own course.Its your choice...if you love him its worth a shot but take your time.In the meantime dont forget to pamper yourself and treat yourself to nice things. Cause you deserve it. The problem was his not yours that he left.You are beautiful and could have anyone ..that how he should feel. He has a treat not a doormat.

 

Thanks so much Farrah.

 

Theres no sign of reconciling but I guess I just wanted to know peoples opinions on this.

Its tough and its been 6 months out and I still miss him sooooooo much.

We were together for 7 yrs and just wish things could've been different between us.

I have so much going for me right now, work is going well, Just bought my first home and he has no clue and I wish I can share this experience with him but hes currently with someone else and we barely have contact.

Back in the end of August begining of September he called to tell me hes been thinking of me and wants to see me soon and here was I super cool about it and happy until I found out he was still with HER and I flipped out on him and that meet up never happened.

I got so upset because how can he ask me to hang out if he is still with her. I thought he was asking me to see me cuz so was no longer in the picture but I was wrong.

That whole week we argued back and forth and of course me asking him, how could you ? why? etc. I felt like the break up allllll over again.

We are no kids I am 28 and hes 36.

 

I just feel like I was replaced so easily, I havnt seen a sight of him since May.