Author BrokenLaw Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 Well, I don't want to not go, hell were hosting a pregame for it. Avoid as in avoid her at the bar, not the bar completely. Im not giving her the pleasure to see everyone there except me, which she'll know I didnt go to avoid her. I'm gonna go, have a blast, well prob say hey and I'll move on. Her loss remember? It's gotta happen at some point, just like that phone call, once it happened I felt soooo much better. I feel I'll be drunk enough to play it cool, move on, and stay with the group I'm gonna be with. I re read and damn I was a weak minded softie.. I grew a pair. when people tell you, that they always thought you could do better, unsolicited, it helps! Yes it takes some randoms on an Internet forum that helped me get over this, and I thank each and every one of you.
jfLip Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Well holy frickin' crap, I'm going through pretty much the same situation (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299701/)... It's like there's a frickin' template/timeline for what we're going through. Something about the 4 year mark and girls in their early 20s... I haven't read through many GIGS cases and certainly each share a similar overview with variations, but has there ever been a case where 2 people got back together?
lymtal1 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 BL, So picture the scene where you will see her. You there. Her there. Her with new guy. You by self or with friends. Now remember the most pain you had at the moment you realized you two were over. Congrats, you are back to that exact place in time. But might feel worse this time. Now start the clock over from that day. It just seems that this is what you are looking for. Now picture this one. You not there. Her doing whatever she wants because she can and it needs to start not mattering to you because it does not to her. You are starting to heal and move on with your life. You are doing no contact because it is the ONLY way you can move on and heal. Your choice. Good luck. We hope you will do the right thing. We can only advise you based on our experiences, you have to act on it. Let us know how it goes at the bar.
Eeyore79 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 Currently I feel like the whole next level thing and her grandparents calling me her fiance freaked her out. She's only dated one other guy (in HS nonetheless), and wants to make sure I'm right? Classic case of GIGS, I think. I doubt if the "next level" thing has anything to do with it. To her, you were less than ideal, and she met someone else who is a closer match to her ideal, so she dumped you so she could date him. The fact that she left you so abruptly and started dating someone else right away shows that she was probably thinking about breaking up for some time, and has already come to terms with you two not being together. I don't think there's anything you can do except go NC and wait... but don't hold your breath because I doubt if she'll come back. Sorry
Author BrokenLaw Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Hahaha I'm really not worried about getting back with her anymore. I sounded so damn pitiful because I'm a very outgoing guy, and that comes from self-confidence. When this came out of nowhere, my confidence was shattered and at the time, the only way I thought to regain it was to get her back. I had to nut up and this made me realize how much **** I did for her and she never did for me. Basically I know now I was treated like **** while not even questioning it, and I never want to go back there. This also made me realize there are two correct ways to play the next move: not go, and go. Not go would be the choice if I was still in that depressive stage and still trying to get her back. If your not ready to see her or them, dont do it, you'll take steps back. I'm gonna go. Why? My confidence is back, am I still healing? Yes! But I know what I went through and I can honestly say seeing her or them would make me laugh. She's taking a step down while I'm looking to step up and have a great time being single. I don't care about what she thinks anymore, I'm doing things for ME for once. She left me remember? I'm also the one her friends are saying got the raw end of the deal, so outside of her little click, I'm better thought of currently. I was the life of parties, not her, so it would be more out of place for me to not show up than her. Plus did I mention I have girls (some her classmates) blowing my phone up? I'm not worried about it. It's her loss and my gain. Im going to have a great time tonight and I couldn't care less (anymore) if she was there or not. The biggest **** you I could do is have a great time without her, right in front of her. So that's what I'm going to do. BL Ps I'm willing to wager she comes back by christmas. This is when I will turn her down. Edited October 3, 2011 by BrokenLaw
Mack05 Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'm gonna go. Why? My confidence is back, am I still healing? Yes! But I know what I went through and I can honestly say seeing her or them would make me laugh. You are deluded mate..How do you think you are kidding? besides yourself. No one
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'm gonna go. Why? My confidence is back, am I still healing? Yes! But I know what I went through and I can honestly say seeing her or them would make me laugh. She's taking a step down while I'm looking to step up and have a great time being single. I don't care about what she thinks anymore, I'm doing things for ME for once. She left me remember? I'm also the one her friends are saying got the raw end of the deal, so outside of her little click, I'm better thought of currently. I was the life of parties, not her, so it would be more out of place for me to not show up than her. Plus did I mention I have girls (some her classmates) blowing my phone up? I'm not worried about it. It's her loss and my gain. Im going to have a great time tonight and I couldn't care less (anymore) if she was there or not. The biggest **** you I could do is have a great time without her, right in front of her. So that's what I'm going to do. Personally, I've seen guys and girls that have said that they have their confidence back only to get it ROCKED when they see their Ex with another person. Also, if she's going to this event and she KNOWS you're going to be there, I think it's in bad taste that she would bring the OM with her. So, we'll see how you do. Personally, I don't think it's going to be as easy as you think it will be.
TheGrimSweeper Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'm in the same boat as these guys. Though you may feel like your feeling better and your confidence is getting back, nothing is going too hit home more then seeing another guys arm around her or the other guy taking her home at the end of the night. Add alcohol to the equation and you will for sure be feeling down.
Author BrokenLaw Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 If I see them, it'll hurt for a second, I expect that. Then I'll lock eyes with some hottie, phone blows up with texts, knock another back, then realize I wouldn't be doing this if I was with her. I'm being me for once, not us. I go out, flirt, drink, and have fun. Sorry if I'm not down in the dumps anymore, but I pulled myself out quicker than most. Alternating my life still means she has me, and it couldn't be further from the truth.
geegirl Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I'm not sure how long you've been broken up but it seems like barely a couple of weeks have gone by. Your post comes of as someone trying to get themselves to believe they're in a better place and ready to fight the fight. If you didn't care, you would not be on here, reiterating why you're ready. You sound as if you are more concerned about proving a point to her, do or die more than anything else. That in itself is not a good sign. These feelings come in waves. One moment you're gung ho believing you're better off. The next you're on the floor crying. Don't mistake the former for confidence and that you're over her. If you say you are still healing, then that means you are not at a stage of indifference. You may feel safe and strong speaking from behind your computer and at a distance from her but you don't know what you are going to feel when the source of your discomfort is right infront of you. Two different situations that will render you two different reactions. Why put yourself in a situation that is volatile? The only point you should be proving is to yourself in that you need to completely heal before placing yourself in a situation that MAY hurt you all over again. If you truly feel you are over it, there wouldn't be a need to list a host of reasons as to why you are ready. You would not even be posting. If you go, good luck and I hope you walk out of there feeling indifferent and relieved that you're really moving on.
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 . Sorry if I'm not down in the dumps anymore, but I pulled myself out quicker than most. Alternating my life still means she has me, and it couldn't be further from the truth. Hey! We're not trying to kill you buzz here...If you feel like you can handle it. Great! Peace! We're just concerned because we've seen it before and we just want to give you a heads up and a warning. Nothing more. Because, let's face it. It's your life and you're gonna do what you want to do. You don't have to take anything we say as it being written in stone. All we can do is offer advice. So, I'm just saying....be careful. I would also suggest that you try not to go out there TRYING to hook up with every girl in the joint. I mean, if you meet someone, then sh*t happens. But trying to make your Ex jealous by hooking up with someone for the sake of hooking up. Well, that isn't fair to you and it's certainly not fair to the girl you hook up with.
wilsonx Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Hahaha I'm really not worried about getting back with her anymore. I sounded so damn pitiful because I'm a very outgoing guy, and that comes from self-confidence. When this came out of nowhere, my confidence was shattered and at the time, the only way I thought to regain it was to get her back. I had to nut up and this made me realize how much **** I did for her and she never did for me. Basically I know now I was treated like **** while not even questioning it, and I never want to go back there. This also made me realize there are two correct ways to play the next move: not go, and go. Not go would be the choice if I was still in that depressive stage and still trying to get her back. If your not ready to see her or them, dont do it, you'll take steps back. I'm gonna go. Why? My confidence is back, am I still healing? Yes! But I know what I went through and I can honestly say seeing her or them would make me laugh. She's taking a step down while I'm looking to step up and have a great time being single. I don't care about what she thinks anymore, I'm doing things for ME for once. She left me remember? I'm also the one her friends are saying got the raw end of the deal, so outside of her little click, I'm better thought of currently. I was the life of parties, not her, so it would be more out of place for me to not show up than her. Plus did I mention I have girls (some her classmates) blowing my phone up? I'm not worried about it. It's her loss and my gain. Im going to have a great time tonight and I couldn't care less (anymore) if she was there or not. The biggest **** you I could do is have a great time without her, right in front of her. So that's what I'm going to do. BL Ps I'm willing to wager she comes back by christmas. This is when I will turn her down. I am going to call bull**** on this post. One of the best things to do from starting to heal from a breakup besides NC is to stop lying to yourself and accept what has happened. That lie will eventually unfold and smack you in the face hard down the road. There is absolutely no way you have recovered from a 4 year relationship because you think you have confidence. You dont have confidence. If you had confidence in yourself, you would have realized a long time ago that your relationship wasn't 50/50 and would have ended it. You stated in an earlier post that you did everything for her but she rarely did anything for you. Thats not a relationship, thats you give she takes. I will take you up on that bet for christmas. Its not going to happen, if it does shes going to use you for sex for a couple weeks tops and be long gone again. Also stay away from her, if she is known to go to one place go another. Why would you want to hurt yourself? Dont be masochistic! Edited October 3, 2011 by wilsonx
Author BrokenLaw Posted October 3, 2011 Author Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) I'm definitely not trying to get with everything that moves, if it happens, it happens. I am not trying to make her jealous, I easily could, but I really don't give a **** anymore. I know it sounds so extreme so soon, but I took it so hard because I immediately started the "it's over" process. I know my posts say different, but those were made in haste and weakness, and looking back I looked like a pathetic loser who only had her going for me in my life, which couldn't be more wrong. It took me some time to realize that, but I did. I knew the relationship was not 50/50 a long time ago, I'll be the first to admit I made excuses for her, and still catch myself today. I live 100yds from her and pass her house every single day, hell once the leaves fall I'll be able to see it from my bedroom window. I have no intention getting back with her and do not even entertain the idea of it anymore. Why? Because I know what I want, and she had some of the qualities, but this ended up a blessing. Now that i've settled down, It'll be a game time decision. I'll have scouts out to lmk, but we'll see. It might be something where I sit inside and she sits outside lol. I have confidence in seeing her and not taking steps back, it WILL hurt, but I can take the blow. The biggest shock of this whole thing was how I saw my future and she was always in it, and boom she wasn't, and I was left grasping at straws. That's what screwed me up the most, not the fact that she was out dating. I know it sounds like it, but this ain't my first heartbreak. And why am I posting all this? Its for others who were left in the dust just like I was and asking wtf. I'll be more than happy to report afterwards either way. p.s. def not masochistic lol It will hurt either way, the sooner the better for me to move on. I want to still be friends eventually, and this is the first step towards that as well. Edited October 3, 2011 by BrokenLaw
wilsonx Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 I have confidence in seeing her and not taking steps back, it WILL hurt, but I can take the blow. This is masochistic by definition. Instead of doing something to solve the hurt and make the hurt go away, you are putting yourself on the front line saying HURT ME. LOL It doesnt matter if this is your first break up or your 15th, a long term relationship ending hurts like a bitch. Thats why you did not end it earlier. Why do you want to be friends with someone that left you for another guy? Because she wants to be friends with you? I have enough confidence in myself that I dont need a friend that hurt me by leaving me for someone else. I do not need my ex. What you will learn from this is if you just disappear off the face of the planet, she actually needs you. By the time she realizes this, you will be long gone and moved on. For me though, the pain of this breakup is a REMINDER that its not worth it and that there are better people out there that wont put me through that pain
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 This is masochistic by definition. Instead of doing something to solve the hurt and make the hurt go away, you are putting yourself on the front line saying HURT ME. LOL It doesnt matter if this is your first break up or your 15th, a long term relationship ending hurts like a bitch. Thats why you did not end it earlier. Why do you want to be friends with someone that left you for another guy? Because she wants to be friends with you? I have enough confidence in myself that I dont need a friend that hurt me by leaving me for someone else. I do not need my ex. What you will learn from this is if you just disappear off the face of the planet, she actually needs you. By the time she realizes this, you will be long gone and moved on. For me though, the pain of this breakup is a REMINDER that its not worth it and that there are better people out there that wont put me through that pain Kinda agree with Wilson on this. Not entirely sure why you would want to see her if you KNOW it's gonna hurt. Is it to see if you can "just handle it" and see if you come out the other end stronger? I've seen people state that they are completely over their Ex's and the first time they see them, they stated that a flood of emotions came over them that they didn't expect.
TheDovic Posted October 3, 2011 Posted October 3, 2011 4 years!!! It always seems to be 4 years for GIGS!
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