Superconnected Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I'll start at the beginning. It's quite a long story, so bear with me! I was 21, in my final year of University and I met the love of my life. She was 19, gorgeous and we had so much in common. I saw her around at Uni and spoke to her on Facebook during last Christmas and we really hit it off. We then became a couple almost as soon as we were back at Uni in January. Things were going so well and we were both very serious about each other. We would often speak about spending the rest of our lives together and getting married. We both felt that we were soulmates. We were together for just over 7 months, but they were truly the happiest of my life. A couple of times, in the middle of the relationship, she would get down and she explained this was because she missed a friend. She explained that this friend was a 38 guy who used to help out at her school and they became very close (it may sound a little dodgy to you, but her parents were very supportive of the friendship and I could really trust hers and their judgement). Her and her friend were both very much into travelling and they met up in America during the past 2 summers. They were very close friends until he decided to tell her that he had feelings for her. She explained to me that she got confused and then told him that she didn't have feelings for him. He then basically told her that they could never be in contact again and decided to go travelling to some dangerous countries. This left her feeling very guilty and sad at not having the friendship. This guy also 'accidentally' sent her a text during his time away. My girlfriend replied to it asking him where he had gone. He sent a single word reply saying 'Africa'. She said she hoped he was OK and for him to text her when he is back home safely. This was the only contact they had at this point. I found this a little difficult at first, but came to terms with it. At the start of summer, we had to be apart from the longest time during our relationship. One night she got very depressed and rang me and said she missed this guy again. I didn't take it so well and asked whether she had feelings for him, she said she was confused. I was devastated and ended up going up to see her to talk about it. She explained that when she told me she was confused, she was in a very bad state of mind and didn't know what to say but that she knew that she didn't have any romantic feelings for this guy (but was unsure what these feelings meant) and that she still loved me and wanted to be with me. I told her that I thought she could be feeling a mixture of guilt at the way this guy made her feel after she rejected him as well as feeling sadness and nostalgia since it had been a year since the last time they travelled together so it was on her mind a lot more. I also suggested that she could have associated her feelings for him with her feelings of excitement and freedom during travelling. Things soon went back to normal, but we were arguing a little more than usual. I then went back home and we were apart again (this was the last time I saw her face to face, a month ago). While she was out drinking at a friends house, she received another text from him saying he was back home safely. She asked him how he was. He said that he was really messed up after the way she treated him. She told him sorry. She explained to me that night when she got home (still slightly tipsy) that she felt really numb when she received the texts from him and that she felt down again. She then got quite depressed and told me that she wanted some time on her own to think this whole thing through. I said that I thought we were strong enough to get through this together and that I would support her, as long as her feelings for him were not romantic. She told me that she really didn't think they were. We spoke on the phone a few times and one time she explained to me that she had not been entirely truthful about how close her and this guy had been. She told me that when he told her how he felt about her, she got confused and thought she felt the same way. They held hands and kissed for about a month before she felt it wasn't right and broke it off. She felt like the age difference (18 years) was too big a barrier for it to work. I didn't take this very well, but then came to terms with it after she explained that she found it difficult to tell me earlier as it is such a strange situation and she didn't know how to tell me. I appreciated how difficult it was for her to tell me and actually felt relieved. It also explained why she was feeling so guilty. Things weren't really the same from this point on, we would argue more and she was down a lot of the time. The distance was putting strain on the relationship. However, we wrote each other letters which cheered both of us up. I sent her a package with a long letter, some gifts and made her a video with some footage of us driving around together and a piano song I wrote. She then told me that she was sorry for forgetting how important we were and that I had really cheered her up. A few nights later she got down again and told me that she wanted to be on her own to get her head around this. I said that we should stay together as long as she didn't think she had feelings for this guy. She then explained that she was feeling really confused again and that it wasn't fair on me. I told her that her feeling guilty is not a good enough reason for us to split up and that she probably wasn't thinking clearly. She said that she was thinking clearly and that she felt the same way about him as she did after he told her that he had feelings for her (last summer) so she needed time and space to think about it.. She explained at this point that she had emailed him 6 weeks before asking him how he was and he had emailed her back making it clear that he was still very much interested in her. I was very upset at this point, but tried to handle it well. She expected me to hate her and never want to contact her again, but instead I told her that I was willing to wait for her to get her head around this. I said that I just wanted her to be happy and if being with this other guy was what she wanted, then she should go for it (that was very difficult to say). I told her to really have a good think about this and make sure she did what she felt was the right thing for her and to not let either myself, or her 38 year old friend to influence the decision. I also told her that it was best for us not to contact, but I still loved her and missed her. She then ended the relationship and we finished the call. Since then, we have messaged each other a couple of times on Facebook (I also tried to call the first day after we broke up, but she didn't answer). I explained that I was finding it very difficult without her and that I'm very much still in love with her and want her back. I said that if she decided that she wanted to be with me, it hadn't ruined anything. I told her that I was willing to wait as long as it took until she decided. She replied saying that she was so sorry for what she had done and that I deserved better. She said that she wasn't going to go running off to this guy or anything, but she just needed some time to think. She said that she really missed me too and that it was really hard but she felt she had to do this so she didn't feel like she was lying to me. She also said that it might take a long time, but she would work it all out eventually. I was finding the temptation of messaging her too much so decided to cut contact and block her on Facebook. I sent her a text saying that I didn't do it out of spite, but that I felt it would be easier this way. That was earlier today. I am going back to the same University as her in a weeks time to do a Masters and we have arranged to meet up to exchange each others things and have a chat. This year will be a tough one as I don't know what will happen next. I wish I knew how she was feeling, how long I will have to wait and whether I should wait at all (although she means so much to me that I feel I really want to wait)...Can anyone shed any light on this one?
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