TJ Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) I come here looking for the advice from my fellow human beings in regards to a relationship I am currently in this may be TL : DR post but if I am able to pass on the story honestly at least then you can give me your unbiased opinions and such. I hope you understand. In 2010, November, to be more accurate my girlfriend turned fiancee of 8 years decided that she wanted to find out if there was any more to life and no matter what changes she wanted she decided that i couldn't be there with her along the way; as you can understand I was devastated, I didn't see this coming, we had just moved interstate together, alone for the first time and it was a shock to everyone, me, her family, my family, friends, etc... needless to say it is almost 12 months now and she is dating someone else, talking about marriage, moving in with etc... so its a bit hypocritical. At the moment she and I are very good friends, with respect to our past and feelings for each other and meet up every now and tehn for coffee, chat, as we have no family here in this state. In 2011, March, I met a girl from an Australian version of a free Dating site called Oasis.com.au and we spoke a little online but met quite soon afterwards at a cafe for coffee and a long chat. I found myself drawn into her eyes and words, it was quite nice... Her name is Daisy (English name only) and she is a Chinese International Student studying down here in Tasmania. She is the same age as me, speaks relatively good english (bus is still learning) and came across as a decent, loving and interesting woman. She was also innocent at heart and mind, not immature, but not fully mature at the same time. Everything was going fine, she was working when she could according to her student visa and studying and I was working full time (although that had been changed to part time not longer after) and generally keeping house as I had taken over the lease of the house my ex and I shared and she moved out. However, little things started happen, at the time I didn't think much of them but upon reflection they were more then what met the eye and the issues became bigger as time moved on, I will dot point so that continuation is easier. - I always told Daisy where I was going after work if I did go anywhere and on the first incident I had told her I was going to my Ex's house to pick up some items she had taken by mistake and some money she owed me. While this was fine on both accounts I found out that Daisy had in fact followed me from my work to my Ex's place and sat in the shadows listening through the window at what we were talking about. Which was nothing short of lives, our partners and work. She left a total of 36 post it notes on my car windows explaining how angry she was for me not seeing her walking behind me and that she was angry I had come out to see if she was there (how was I supposed to know, she never told me). I looked around my Ex's apartment building and found no one, but she was still there when i left because she texted me later saying she was surprised when I didn't stop to pick her up when leaving. What made the whole incident more creepy is that she had tied a plastic bag around my car door handle with a present for my new bird and I had to cut it off with a pair of scissors, whilst getting the scissors she was able to post two more notes... He response in the end was, no problems, it is fine, all over... and that was it. I was both hurt and angry by this... - Second incident involved her sorting through my personal belongings one night she stayed and found the engagement ring that was bought for my ex girlfriend, it was hidden at the back of a draw because it is a very expensive ring that I bought and i don't want it stolen, but I don't want to be rid of it. Upon coming to bed that night and attempting to hold her, for warmth and affection, I was shunned away without reason and upon pressing the subject I got no response. she then moved from the bed to the couch and lay there in silence, even when I came out to try and find out why. In the end she never truly told me the truth about the ring and how it made her feel, but she went on to say that there was no problems, it was fine, end of it all... and went back to bed. I tried to tell her I was hurt by this invasion of privacy and that she can ask me anything as I have no reason to hide, but she acted like nothing happened. It was this that lead to our first break up. - Third incident that I am still pondering over is that somehow, I was able to get her pregnant, which in turn lead to an abortion that she said she wanted to have, I discussed this with her and wanted to make she it was what she wanted to do as I would be supportive regardless. Firstly, I have no idea how she got pregnant in the first place, the age of the fetus says that conception happened the night we came back together and yes, we had sex but I use protection which i put on myself and which I bought myself. Daisy knew which drawer I kept my prophylactics in and had been in that drawer often, once she closed it suddenly as I walked into the room. We split the cost of the abortion because neither of us knew what had happened, I had and still very much have my doubts. But since then she has blamed me for it, said that I pushed her to have it and that she only did it because I wanted her to have it. This is entirely false, I was going to suggest it but she beat me to it stating situations and the cost of pregnancy/raising a child was well out of our range at the time. That and adoption fees in Australia are huge. She has blamed me numerous times since then, I understand it is guilt, I feel the same, I hate myself for it and being Wiccan it reflects more so... I want to be a father but I want to bring a child into a world that is stable and happy which it wasn't at the time. - In August (Daisy was in Shanghai with family) she pushed the idea of marriage, she said her parents could no longer afford fees for university and fees that the government required her to have as per her immigration certificate. Her job was only 20 hours a week, that was all she was legally allowed to do whilst under her visa. And her second illegal job was commission, cash in hand pay that was inconsistent and illegally paid anyway. She asked me bluntly if I would consider marriage at this time and I said quite bluntly back with 'no'. I couldn't, I am not stable myself (Bipolar disorder) and am nowhere near ready to be committed like that just yet. She knew this but asked anyway. All of a sudden she is now, 'I won't marry you now, not ever, you don't have to worry' even though I have said, 'It's not that i don't want to marry you, I am just not ready yet' - Final event (She is still in Shanghai at this time) was a fake Facebook profile that was made (supposedly) by someone else, using all perfect details of Daisy, with photos and likes/dislikes that matched entirely. This profile had become friends with everyone in my friends list, mostly family and close friends, Ex's family also. And her own friends. There was a statement in the first post which you should be able to view here: Makes it easier then typing it She came back from Shanghai today and I know she wants to see me as soon as she can but my mind is worried about the next thing that will happen. And being someone who is Bipolic, Anxious, Paranoid and so forth it isn't good to be constantly worrying about this. My Ex, my family, the Ex's family and friends have all said that I should leave her, full stop, they have no faith in her or the relationship and see her as bad news for my future. They feel she is only with me to get married and get a Full Australian Citizenship and any money that I may have (none whatsoever, lol). My brain knows that I must leave, that I should spend some time alone and truly heal after the break up from my Ex Fiancee as the shock is still there and there is still guilt over it, guilt that makes me feel like I did something... I want to know, given what I have told you, what you out there in the big wide world think. Please be honest, don't judge me, I can only tell you what happened... Thank you TJ Edited September 21, 2011 by TJ Editing and formatting, link checking
somethingsimple Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Well if you want my honest opinion, that girl is crazy psycho. The whole 36 post it notes? I don't even think I need to explain,I can see why she might be upset or jealous, of you visiting your ex. But that's stalking, mate. If you want my opinion, did you go with her to the abortion clinic? Go ask to see paperwork, there must medical paperwork for that kind of things. I mean at least a receipt. Fake facebook profile? Psycho. You already don't trust her, your confused and more likely than not in a lot of pain. You're not happy, leave. Everyone is telling you to leave her. I'm telling you to leave her. Everyone else has a clearer mind than you at this point. Once you have a clear mind, you'll beat yourself up for being so stupid. If you're using her as a conduit to get over your breakup, that can't end well. Besides there is always Oasis, again.
Author TJ Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 In regards to the abortion, I was there, I was the interpreter for the whole thing... was there when booked, there when paid, there when procedure done and there when she needed comforting. Thank you for your words...
somethingsimple Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Also, you might want to take down that facebrook profile link. As it probably gives away yours and hers anonymity. That's if, you care Tim.
Author TJ Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Well I censored it and will repost it once Loveshack.org lets me edit again in 4 hours, lol.
Author TJ Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 We broke up today at 11am, lol. I explained to her how she hurt me, but I have forgiven her, however I feel that a relationship cannot continue and that friendship would be better, so we are friends now.
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