insaneinthebrain Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Someone from my distant past left me.... at one of the lowest points in my life....she actually left when i needed her the most.... for someone else... (Anti scrapper text.... Posted at loveshack dot org under breaks and breaking up) There was a lot of love there, but she was diagnosed with a PD. I have had a few relationships after her ..but none are as good as what i had with her. I know that what she did was because her PD. Deep down inside she is a good person. But she is just incapable of putting other peoples need ahead of hers. Could you ever take someone who did you wrong back, even if it in the end it just wasnt their fault ?
USMCHokie Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 You shouldn't be assessing fault after a breakup. Sometimes sh*t just doesn't work out. Yes, they may have hurt you, but breakups aren't supposed to be peaches and cream. Don't try to put an explanation on the breakup...you attribute it to her PD...at the end of the day, it doesn't matter the reason...just that it happened... The only wrong I would never forgive is infidelity. No chance of reconciliation.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 If they're seeking treatment and seem to genuinely regret their actions... I would support them in that. I still don't think I would allow myself to get very invested, not until thoroughly groping out their intentions... but if I loved them, I would give them another chance...
Thieves Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I thought I could, but I keep going back and forth on this every week. Sometimes it feels like I'm able to forgive, and other times... I'm more reluctant. It's natural to not want to go anywhere near fire after being burned so viciously and painfully, right? But "fire" (and therefore, getting burned) is a natural part of life, and you can't avoid it forever... I'm really trying to work on this. I don't usually hold grudges against people at all, but this time around is different. Something is holding me back from forgiving completely and letting go of any left over anger/sadness. Part of me thinks it's because I believe he knew was hurting me at one point, and purposely did it to prove a point. So he could've knowingly caused me pain, which is hurtful in return. And I can't believe someone who said they cared for me would do that. I'm not sure. I wish I knew what it was exactly...
gbadboy Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I am an optomist. The glass is always half full. Every problem has a solution. When a problem arises, there aren't "obstacles" but "solutions". Absolutely , if you love them - give them another chance. Especially if this was something not of her fault. Take her back but before you commit your heart to her, try to help her fix the problem so that it wont happen again. And know that if you do get back into it, than the risk is still there. If you're ok with that, then go with it.
SugarLily Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Of course you can forgive someone for leaving you. "I know that what she did was because her PD." - This is not an excuse for what she did, but it is an explanation. I've 'forgiven' my ex for leaving me - and he doesn't have a PD. It's better for you to learn to forgive and let go of the past - and focus on your own future, as an individual. Although I don't think my ex is a very nice person - I don't have any negative feelings towards him. I forgive him. x
ConfusedT Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 you can forgive someone for anything, trust me. i was literally destroyed and shattered by this man. i love him still, unconditionally and forgave him for everything he did... we will never be together, but he is and will be for a long time, the love of my life.. sad to say, but love hurts...
radiodarcy Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I thought I could, but I keep going back and forth on this every week. Sometimes it feels like I'm able to forgive, and other times... I'm more reluctant. It's natural to not want to go anywhere near fire after being burned so viciously and painfully, right? But "fire" (and therefore, getting burned) is a natural part of life, and you can't avoid it forever... I'm really trying to work on this. I don't usually hold grudges against people at all, but this time around is different. Something is holding me back from forgiving completely and letting go of any left over anger/sadness. Part of me thinks it's because I believe he knew was hurting me at one point, and purposely did it to prove a point. So he could've knowingly caused me pain, which is hurtful in return. And I can't believe someone who said they cared for me would do that. I'm not sure. I wish I knew what it was exactly... i'm in the same boat. because i too am not convinced that he didn't know that the way he was treating me was wrong. he knew and he still did it. until his guilt got the better of him and he finally ditched me after 2.5 years. and yes i stuck around and that makes me just as -- if not more culpable as he is. but with all the mixed messages i honestly didn't know what to do and i loved him so. i just couldn't bring myself to leave. not to mention this was the first kind of - - any situation like this i had been in ever. which he was well aware of. he was always talking about all the experience he had had with sex and relationships compared to the zilch experience i had in that field. as we started out as friends before anything happened. so i felt that i could trust him. but he betrayed that trust and continued to string me along anyway. oddly enough i've forgiven myself because i know my problem was a profound lack of self-esteem which i've made a point to build inthe past six months. but as much as i know that forgiving him is important in my healing, i still can't bring myself to forgive him for the reasons outlined above.
ConfusedT Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 radio- im sorry you cant forgive. for me, it simply took the realization that the way i was coping with everything was completely wrong, for me. i wasnt forgiving him because i had so much hatred built up instead of the love that i really had for him... i was not allowing myself to feel the true emotions behind everything and i think that has played a major part in my downfall over this relationship. yes, he hurt me, but you know what it takes two.. i am not saying i am to blame, because clearly, if you read my story, you know that he deceived me since day 1, but for some reason the faking it til you make it **** just didnt fly with me. i needed to express how i felt, i needed to show my sadness, my anger, my rage, i needed to really be me!!! BUT i wasnt being me, =(, i was pretending to be this strong ass woman, when i was really breakin down. i continued to smile, but my eyes were so sad. i never faced the truth of the situation- i love him, but he doesn't love me, but that doesn't stop me from loving him in anyway! i thought it did, i hated him for it, but really, i hated myself for falling for him. i cant hate anymore, ive used so much negative energy that is was totally sucking the life out of me and for what? what has this given me but heartache and mourning? nothing, so i decided to let him know how i felt & leave it at that. he knows my number, he knows i love him and he knows what he did. if he is ever ready to apologize, i will be there to listen, but my forgiveness of his actions has nothing to do with him anymore, it has to do with me. this is my first step towards the real healing that i needed. maybe talking to him helped, maybe being able to actually have him listen to me for 20 minutes helped, i know it did. more than anything, i needed a reality check & i got it. i wish him all the happiness in the world and wish no more bad karma on him or her. i hope that he is happy, even if that happiness has nothing to do with me... =) i finally found my place... <3
Author insaneinthebrain Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 it took lots of therapy for me..... i also learned a few things about my self.... But in the end ... you have to do what is best for you .. its all anyone can ask of anyone else....
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