gbadboy Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 My story might be very familar to a few posters on here - check out my previous threads. I have been in like severe depression these past 2 months - unable to focus on my work and Ive been neglecting my family and my friends. Dealing with the break up with my bf has really taken a toll on me. Unlike most people here though - I am not the victim. He is the victim. I unfortunately did the wrong in the relationship - not him. But, I have showed more than remorse and have tried to move mountains to fix things - I think that should count for something , rather than not take responsiblity for my actions. He hated me 2 months ago , would give me the time of day to even talk to him. But recently we've made some progress in speaking to each other and while he's adament on not getting back with me, he is hoping to be friends eventually down the road. Anyway, long story short, Ive been in so much depression these past 2 months but tonight my ex out of the blue texted me and said "im outside our condo" I did NOT reply as Ive been going NC. And all of a sudden his friend calls me and she says , "we are in the lobby of your condo" I was shocked. I told them to come up - and my ex came through the door. He wasnt happy at all and didnt want to come inside (but that was him being stubborn, in fact he's the one that asked her to take him there) Well we argued as usual, but we once again made a lot of headway... he said he can't get back with me but he wants me to call him tomorrow. Im so excited because I know this means I might be getting another chance. He wants me to work for it though. He's the one that showed up at my door. So, I dont know what this all means. I told him I cant be his friend and he got scared. Keep in mind, Im the one that did him wrong ( i was unfaithful) but he's trying to ammend, so technically I need to do all the leg work. I just wanted to give everyone an update b/c Ive been depressing these forums for the past few weeks here and I must say almost all of the advice you've all given me has been excellent - you all certainly know what you're talking about. I dont know if this means we'll get back together, but its a very very very positive sign and I just wanted to let everyone out there know not to ever give up hope. I stuck with my NC and didn't give in. NC really works......being the bigger man and not being the clingy pyscho stalker bf is unattractive. The key is to be the bigger person -that's what I did. In my encounters with him previously, I showed up , didnt go pyscho on him, had mature conversations and most importantly I ADMITTED TO MY MISTAKES. That is so imporant. If you know you did wrong - ADMIT IT. Once I began admitting things - the doors started to open. Thank you all for listening to my stories. I too have been listening to yours and Ive been commenting alot on your stories and trying to give you my opinions. I will continue to do so. I hope my advice can help at least 1 of you find happines. Please, if you've done your ex wrong, sometimes its good to just swallow your pride and just apologize (dont except him to apologize) - just apologize on your behalf. Love is more imporant that your pride.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I dont know if this means we'll get back together, but its a very very very positive sign and I just wanted to let everyone out there know not to ever give up hope. I can see a lot of hurt people sticking around the forums with this advice. Congrats on your experience though.
EgoJoe Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I think it depends on what you're hoping for.
Author gbadboy Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Ok I suppose that wasnt right for me to say. Because its not good to give someone false hope. I humbly retract that statement. I suppose what I meant was in my case where I've been the "bad guy" and where I've done the wrong, try your best to fix it - try as hard as you can because you know you are the one that wronged them and the onus is therefore on you to make it right. Respect their wishes if they tell you to back off (as I did) - but if you see they're given you subtle green lights then go for it......just make sure to go for it knowing you must admit your mistake and not try to find excuses for what you did. Making excuses just pushes them away. Taking responsiblity is the proper thing to do. As it pertains to my situation, allow them to yell at you and give you hell b/c you deserve it.
EgoJoe Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I believe there is a fundamental thing you're not quite addressing though. What caused you to stray etc. Also, I'd like you to keep in mind that you're dealing with a guy that loves you and was hurt. He's being direct, open and honest. You may have a chance because he's dealing with you and you have to prove things. Because as guys we reserve the right to be direct and to change our mind with logical conclusions determined by an emotional backdrop with regard to attachment etc. If you the sexes in this were reversed I'd be harping at you to be wayyyy more careful.
Author gbadboy Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I agree. I understand that I wouldn't be the most favourite person on this site. But unlike most posters on here who unfortunately had jackasses for partners who did them wrong, I (also a jackass) am trying so hard to fix my wrong - I think that should count for something. And yes, if I were him, he has every right not to take me back. He has every right to continue to give me hell until hell itself freezes over. He has every right to hold me to account - always. Further,you are right - before I could even get back with him (if he so chooses it) I need to fix myself and take huge steps to make myself right before I could even ask him to consider me. I appreciate your input man.
EgoJoe Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) "If you the sexes..." Should just read: "If the sexes..." I also just realized that you two were in a homosexual relationship. I posted in your other thread and remember reading that I just did not make the leap of recognition with regard to your forum name. I stand by my other statement with the obvious correct of "If your ex was a woman and you were a man..." it sounds odd but it makes sense to me! Keep working on yourself my friend. Edited September 21, 2011 by EgoJoe
Mack05 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 gbadboy, I hate to be the spanner in the works but I gave read your posts and this relationship looks toxic to me. You have both cheated. You have both been really immature many times in the relationship. To me, I can't see what changes when you get back together. People go through horrible breakups and get back together because they missed their partner or felt lonely. These are not good enough reasons to get back together. Couples kid themselves that "I will change, He will change, we both will change. We will learn from our mistakes. It will perfect". The couple tend to have an amazing honeymoon period, only to be met with the same problems or new unforeseen problems down the line. There is a reason the success rates of couples getting back together is extremely low. In my opinion (and I appreciate you do not want to hear this) you and this guy do not belong together. I hope you post here in 5 years and say "In your face Mack". I would be totally amazed if you did as I don't think you and this guy are right for each other. Sadly when it comes to matters of the heart we ignore the signs..
Author gbadboy Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I appreciate your feedback Mack. You are a straight shooter - no doubt about it. I believe we both have a lot of growing up to do, I believe we both made huge mistakes and I believe a lot of what has went on has been "toxic". I believe now is NOT the time to re-unite. But this has also been such a huge learning and eye opening experience for me that I would never never never rush into anything with him. Nor will he. Especially given the toxic nature of this relationship - it would be absoultely foolish to rush back into it. But I believe people can change after time, after life experiences, after soul searching, after self improvement, after we gain more knowledge and wisdom -this is what I believe. We're not getting back together tomorrow, nor in a few months but all I'm saying is that the dialog of reconcilliation began and its a starting point - maybe it will just be a dialog and nothing more will come of it, or maybe in a year or even more so, after we've learned and grown more, after we've recongized the root causes and remedied accordingly we might (might being the operative word) be able to give it another go provided we have no one else in our lives at the time. We both have a lot of soul searching to do , who knows, maybe we won't want to get back after we work on ourselves, or we might want to give it another go. There is a lot more to the story then I've mentioned on these posts which is the reason I believe in giving the dialog at least a chance.... I guess all im saying is thats in my opinion (and this is just my subjective opinion) it doesn't hurt whatsoever (if both parties) are in agreement to start at least start a conversation with the understanding that these conversations must be first based on our desire to fix our own internal issues before we could ever think about re-uniting. Whatever comes out of these conversations (weather it be reconcilition, friendship, part our ways, or if we happen to meet someone else ) - then so be it but that doesn't mean a dialog at minimum shouldn't at least begin.
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