LadyWriter Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I, and many of my girlfriends, have found ourselves attracted to men that only had maybe 50% (or less) of the physical traits we like, AFTER we've gotten to know their personality. We could see ourselves giving these guys a real chance. However, of the men I know, they all seem to want a woman who is at least 90% of their ideal in the looks department. I know everyone has their deal breakers and things they are willing to let slide. But, IN GENERAL, are women more willing than men to date someone who doesn't match their ideal physical traits?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Definitely. Everything about women makes it so--not to say that any or all act the same way, just that the nature of women is less testosteroned out. Guys will make snap judgements and be dismissive and also worry about what their wing man is going to think and all that. I think women are more likely to start compromising sooner. Guys need to get old and look at themselves before they realize they've been jack assess about a lot of things. Me excluded of course. I have it good source that I'm perfect in every way.
carhill Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 In general, in my life experience, both in my own relationships and those of my circle of friends over the decades, I haven't seen any such commonality. I was reminded of this the other evening, when my best friend had his company president and wife by, a lady I hadn't seen in years. Her H is a suave, educated, attractive man fitting of his position and his wife, while equally talented and smart, reminded me of Melinda Gates. Her shining strength was not in her appearance but rather in what one sees in her eyes. As the two men talked business, his wife and I got reacquainted and were soon talking like the years hadn't passed at all. Her openness, care and genuine interest made her far more attractive than her relatively plain appearance. One example. IME, women are pretty picky about appearance. Even my exW made comments that her friends thought I wasn't up to her 'standards'. That's real life, carhill-style.
wilsonx Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Go for those lookers, watch what happens in the end, they are always looking for something better. Id rather date someone cute with an amazing personality then have this physical attribute checklist.
Sanman Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 My current gf is very cute (to me) and has a pretty face. However, she us heavier than I prefer by about 15-20 lbs. Even she she slimmed down she would still be rated as average by most guys bodywise at best. I more i got to know her, the less I cared. She is an amazing person and puts a smile on my face everyday. She has all the traits that make her fun to live with and is as fiscally responsible as myself. In 20 years, she will have all those things including the pretty face. How many of the 'hot' women will still have the all the same attractive traits to their men?
AD1980 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Both genders can be very picky especially online women even more I know Men who may prefer bigger breasts but wont turn down a prety women because she doesnt have c or d cups I know women who refuse to date a man under a certian height no matter how many other positive traits he has Theres no evidence Men are more picky or shallow they just get more sh*t for it then women do
USMCHokie Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I ended it with the last girl I dated last spring because I thought I could "do better" in the physical department. Jackassery on my part, I admit. I was heavily influenced by my friends and believed that I could attract the women they were attracting...as always, life is just one big d*ck measuring contest...definitely not one of the finer periods of time in my life... But in general, people have told me I always dated down...
Emilia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I've seen picky men and picky women. Less likely to see a very handsome man with a more average looking girl than the other way round but overall I think men experiment more and are more into variety. I think very good looking people learn to compromise on looks somewhat because their dating pool is small. IME some men are not aware of how good looking they are, those are a delight
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Her H is a suave, educated, attractive man fitting of his position and his wife, while equally talented and smart, reminded me of Melinda Gates. Are you for real? You make it sound like Melinda Gates is some monster!!! I just looked her up on the internet because I wanted to doublecheck what her looks are and I think she looks totally OK. Not drop-dead gorgeous but pretty. I think Bill is a very lucky guy to have found her, she is pretty and smart. This reaction is very telling of how some men - most probably very average in looks themselves - are extremely brutal when jugding a woman's looks. Makes me think about this ex-boyfriend I met 20 years after we dated, who told me that I had gotten so many wrinkles. Whenever I tell this to a friend they burst out laughing because if there is one thing typical for the way I look is that I have a beautiful skin with hardly any wrinkles (my secret: hydration, hydration, hydration). So there he was sitting in front of me, almost completely bald and with grey hair (which I would never hold against a man), pointing out to me how "wrinkled" I had become .
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 IME some men are not aware of how good looking they are, those are a delight They are a minority, most don't realize how average looking they are.
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 that's possible I mean: most who reject a lot of pretty women on the basis of their looks, don't know how average they look themselves.
Emilia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 They are a minority, most don't realize how average looking they are. Most people don't realise anything. It takes a strength of character to deal with what you have
laotzu Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It's always a struggle, right? I've often found that the slightly less attractive girls are more interesting and (importantly) have a great sense of humor, whereas the "hot" girls can be sort of vapid and narcissistic. It's somewhat of a letdown when you meet a pretty, interesting and comedic girl who's in a relationship, because it makes you realize they're out there. It's tough, on the other hand, when you're dating someone and you don't have a strong desire to be physically intimate with them. For the most part, yes: I think girls are more likely to look beyond physical appearance than men are, but there's a lot of room, there, for it to go the other way depending on the circumstances. I still think women are more likely to care about financial success in a partner than men are, so the old gender roles aren't always as fluid as we'd like to assume.
rafallus Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 No, I have not noticed women or men to be less picky than another, when it comes to deviation from the ideal. Ideal doesn't matter. "Attractive enough to get turned on" does.
Emilia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I mean: most who reject a lot of pretty women on the basis of their looks, don't know how average they look themselves. Because that's not how it works. The male definition of attractive is often different from the female. Plus men usually want the best they can get because they are competitive
carhill Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Because that's not how it works. The male definition of attractive is often different from the female. Plus men usually want the best they can get because they are competitive Yep, that's pretty much it. Observing what other men say and do and commenting on it does not imply that I agree with it. Such was the basis for my comments prior.
GoodOnPaper Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I think this is one of those questions where a person's viewpoint can be heavily dependent on his or her experiences. As a guy who always struggled to attract women . . . But, IN GENERAL, are women more willing than men to date someone who doesn't match their ideal physical traits? . . . my answer is a flat NO. I've always shown much more flexibility in that regard than any of the women I tried to attract. Is that flexibility a good thing, though? I don't know . . . It's interesting that in this thread, people think average guys shouldn't be picky about the attractiveness of a woman they date, while in some other threads, these same average guys are knocked down for dating or even getting into an LTR with an average woman just because she seemed interested -- as opposed to there being something particularly special about HER. Seems paradoxical.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 To expand on the last poster's viewpoint, is it hypocritical to date someone who you don't find attractive, because you aren't all that attractive, just to not be alone? That person already was rejected by people they found attractive, probably, so they're coming out of desperation, too. And if you suddenly become more attractive, does that mean you should cheat on your girlfriend/spouse with a girl who's now in your attractiveness level, aka hot?
Imajerk17 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Looks are to men what "chemistry" is to women.
GoodOnPaper Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 To expand on the last poster's viewpoint, is it hypocritical to date someone who you don't find attractive, because you aren't all that attractive, just to not be alone? I actually met one woman who was much more interested in me than I was in her. I struggled with the notion that it would have been hypocritical to NOT give her a chance when so many women had never given me a chance -- presumably because of lack of attraction on their part.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 What is chemistry, though? I've asked the question before, and get no answer. Is it a fat wallet?
Dusk1983 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I've always shown much more flexibility in that regard than any of the women I tried to attract. Why should they be flexible? There's a better looking guy around the next corner and he's horny enough to lower his standards. If sex is on the table most men have no standards. Supply and demand. Supply and demand skewed by the blind male libido.
tigressA Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 No, I have not noticed women or men to be less picky than another, when it comes to deviation from the ideal. Ideal doesn't matter. "Attractive enough to get turned on" does. I agree. Also, someone else said some people are not aware of how attractive they are. I have seen this before. I very briefly dated a drop-dead gorgeous man, my physical ideal in every way, but he seemed to be unaware of how attractive he was. And that made him even more attractive. I seem to have a history of getting involved with guys who don't consider themselves very attractive, as well. I think they're the hottest thing around, and some of my friends will think they're at least cute, but the guy himself is a bit more difficult to convince--he thinks he's on the 'OK' side, while I think he's more than just OK.
Emilia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I seem to have a history of getting involved with guys who don't consider themselves very attractive, as well. I think they're the hottest thing around, and some of my friends will think they're at least cute, but the guy himself is a bit more difficult to convince--he thinks he's on the 'OK' side, while I think he's more than just OK. This is why I'm open minded about guys' height. A man can be gorgeous but if he is 5'8'' our shorter he frets about his height. You can have a gorgeous thing who doesn't realise just how hot he is because he isn't tall
SteveC80 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I think Men have more dvierse tastes the women, most women find only a small amount of Men attractive Until women hit a certain age msot of em usualyl go after the same small percent of women, i know becasue i was oen of those Men in my younger days
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