IceIceBaby Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 What would your reaction be to this situation? You see a facebook message between your boyfriend and a girl he used to hook up with who lives about 5 hours away. She asks when he'll be coming to visit her. His response is that he's really busy. She then says to let her know when he'll be coming down and she'll get a hotel room for them. He says ok sounds good. The visit does not happen and your boyfriend has no intention of going to see her. Is this inappropriate in any way? Should he have mentioned he has a g/f? She clearly wants to share a hotel room with him...has he led her on to believe this is ok? Said boyfriend is 33 years old and has been with his girlfriend for 9 months at that point. Thoughts?
wilsonx Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 If thats your boyfriend it sounds like that's the beginning of the end. Do you have any personal boundaries? For me this is relationship ending material. It shows no respect for you if you are his girlfriend, absolutely none. He can play it off how ever it is but he did not stand up to her and say no thanks I have a girlfriend.
KathyM Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 He's obviously keeping his options open and stringing her along. Not boyfriend material. Very inappropriate. I would be fit to be tied if I were in your shoes. Time to call off the relationship and tell him he's obviously not sure what he wants if he's giving some other girl messages like that.
somethingsimple Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I feel a bit differently from everyone else. Possibly saying ok sounds good. Ends the conversation the quickest. We don't know if the other girl knows he has a gf anyways. But like the OP said the girl lives 5 hours away. I would probably say the same thing, not cause I want to keep my options open. Because its the path of least resistance. Saying I have a gf, might cause another string of questions or the other girl's feelings getting hurt. Just saying "ok sounds good" brings it to an end quickly with no one's feelings getting hurt. Just me I guess.
Titania22 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I feel a bit differently from everyone else. Possibly saying ok sounds good. Ends the conversation the quickest. We don't know if the other girl knows he has a gf anyways. But like the OP said the girl lives 5 hours away. I would probably say the same thing, not cause I want to keep my options open. Because its the path of least resistance. Saying I have a gf, might cause another string of questions or the other girl's feelings getting hurt. Just saying "ok sounds good" brings it to an end quickly with no one's feelings getting hurt. Just me I guess. I understand what you mean by the path of least resistence, but I think it is cruel to let a girl think she is going to get some, if she isn't.
keepsmilin74 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Also it's not true that "no one's feelings getting hurt" ... obviously his girlfriend of 9 months was hurt that he didn't stand up for her. And he's a grown man of 33, not a clueless highschooler.
oaks Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 What would your reaction be to this situation? Was this a 'private' facebook message? In which case, what are you doing snooping on your boyfriend's messages? Feel free to discuss with him that an ex seems to be hitting on him, so long as you start the conversation with "I've been snooping on you".
somethingsimple Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I understand what you mean by the path of least resistence, but I think it is cruel to let a girl think she is going to get some, if she isn't. I understand, but she's 5 hours away. If a girl 5 hours away expects that much from me, I'll be rather creeped out. Besides, the statement is so general and if they think they're actually going to get some with just that alone and gets hurts, then its on them.
Titania22 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I understand, but she's 5 hours away. If a girl 5 hours away expects that much from me, I'll be rather creeped out. Besides, the statement is so general and if they think they're actually going to get some with just that alone and gets hurts, then its on them. "I'll get a hotel room" "ok sounds good," is an affirmative to the stated offer. It might not be anything set in stone, but it is still hope. If something just isn't going to happen, you men should fess up and be honest about it. This does in fact constitute 'leading someone on'.
somethingsimple Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 "I'll get a hotel room" "ok sounds good," is an affirmative to the stated offer. It might not be anything set in stone, but it is still hope. If something just isn't going to happen, you men should fess up and be honest about it. This does in fact constitute 'leading someone on'. Factually, yes you're right it is leading someone on. Contextually, it complicates it a little more. I just felt that the distance alone (5 hours), should be reason enough not let anyone get their hopes up. Saying no nothing is going to happen, might seem a little rude and cocky. When I assume they were talking in a light manner since the chances of anything happening is minute based on distance alone. So just saying something like "cool" or "ok sounds good", boom done. If she gets hurt on hope, then that's totally on her, there is no other way around that since she'll get hurt on rejection anyways if that's the case. Might as well go with the path of least resistance and least effort and least thought, especially if I have a gf. But best believe, if she lived close by I'll be telling her differently.
madjac74 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Should he have mentioned he has a g/f?Thoughts? Any friend male or female that is OK to visit (as in there would be nothing to worry about) would already know about a GF he has had for 9 months!
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