thatone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 You know, Princess, I'd LIKE that! I have a gay friend who is one of my favorite people on the planet. We can talk about anything and have a deep emotional bond. In fact, I would much prefer a close friendship with this man I speak of now, who is likely using me as a beard, than a distant physical bond. i was thinking that but wasn't sure if you were repulsed by all of this or not. if that's the case, it's a pretty simple thing. tell him you know, you've figured it out. he's gay and you're not offended by it. tell him you're willing to go out with him and hang out with him. you can tell any men you meet that he's your gay friend so they won't care. unless he's an emotional wreck he should go for that i'd think.
Author Katrina65 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 The problem is, Feelsgoodman, is if I stay in the "girlfriend/beard" role, I don't think he's going to develop too much emotional intimacy with me, as he needs to keep me at an arms length to ensure I don't think we're going to be committed partners...because, if he's gay,he really CAN'T be my committed partner. Yet at the same time, I also don't think he's ready to come out of the closet, so I don't think it's something that I can openly talk about with him. At this point, he'd probably have to either laugh it off and deny it, or get defensive. It's definitely a delicate issue! One that I don't have much experience dealing with and will have to just use trial and error over time. In a perfect world, we'd just magically become gay best friends and be done with this issue:)
Calutaxi484 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 He is still having sex with her, though. I think he is just the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay a lot, but he really is not. That is why he keeps making it clear that he is NOT gay. I know guys like that - who keep getting hit on by gay guys, they just have a gay vibe about them....but they are not gay. Or they might have a profession where there are a lot of gay guys in the profession - like hair styling or fashion stylist...doesn't mean they are, though. I know a couple male hair stylists who are NOT gay. I'm pretty sure she said they've had sex, but it's anything but regularly. If he's going on dates with a woman it should be OBVIOUS that he's not gay. Straight guys don't usually have to reassure their dates that they're straight. Have you ever dated a guy that's had to tell you every single date that he's not gay?
Author Katrina65 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Good point, Calutax--and not only is it every single date, it's up to dozens of times per date!!!
Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Honestly, I think you're clinging onto the fact that he MIGHT be gay rather than face the fact that he's just not that into you. The gay thing makes a perfect, convenient excuse as to why he is not consistent and makes you feel better.
Author Katrina65 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 No, you're not getting it, Hot Chick. I've been with guys who have not been into me, and this is VERY different. He's almost "faking" being into me with the expensive dates, introducing me to family, while definitely not being into me other than for appearances sake. That's why I posted on here--because it's not normal, and my gut instinct is saying something hasn't been adding up. I think everyone has been pretty spot on with their closeted gay theory. I'm not sure why you're so against it, because it actually DOES make sense.
Author Katrina65 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Sex with a girl alone doesn't make a guy hetero. A lot of gay men have been married with children. My friend's dad was gay. I also have a friend who is a lesbian, who has a child. But it's not their preference and what they really want. They were trying to fit into what they thought society demanded of them. He's made so many excuses when we have sex as to why he might not be able to perform at some point. This kinda goes to show me, that it's been a problem in the past, and he's trying to cover for when it may be an issue again. And again, the most obvious sign, is the nonstop talk about how he's not gay, when nobody is saying he is gay. If you're not gay, you don't need to convince people you're not gay.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 That's quite a story. Out of curiosity, I looked at your posting history. Have you ever had any involvement with a man that didn't resemble an episode of a daytime television drama? You certainly never seem to have any emotional reactions to all of these ... unusual ... situations.
Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It's a possibility but you're really grabbing on to labeling him as gay when he's really not. It makes for an interesting post and people jump in on the bandwagon on this board saying "absolutely, he's gay. that's it." But....we still don't know if he's gay or not. It's very possible that he's not. If he is having sex with you, there is a strong possibility he is not gay. It seems you are really hoping he IS gay...but you don't know that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It's not difficult to conceive that he could be gay. It is, however, really hard for me to buy that you have just had this "light bulb moment" about the possibility because somebody here on LS suggested it. Really? That just triggered your memory of how he mentions he's not gay a minimum of 5 times per night, and all the other (;)) hints?
ascendotum Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I bet his family really turned on the hospitality for you, so glad to see their son bring home a woman. This guy wants to reassure you he's hetro, but has to keep doing it all the time (lol), talks about having a gaydar, loves talking for hours and to top it off, wears pastals. Pastals, for f****sake. He should have gone with street gang look or wear a black heavy metal t-shirt or ed hardy gear even to help throw you off the scent, though it seems he's managed to get by till just now somehow. You should ask him what his idea of FWB is. Its up to you what you want in a relationship, but if its not working for you, tell him you want more and if doesn't want to live up to it, then give him the 'lets still be good friends' break up line.
Maggotface Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 You do seem overly excited about the fact that he could be gay. It's really not a big deal what his sexual preference is, he can be your friend regardless of his orientation the only thing in this situation is he just wants to casually date and he isnt interested in a relationship. THAT is the situation, if you suspect hes gay, as him, if you dont believe him when he tells you no (and he will) then it's up to you to believe him.
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