hopeful4someday Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Ugh. So, a little over 6 months ago I broke up with my "ex". He hadn't wanted to be in a "serious relationship" although we had been seeing each other casually for over 4 years. It worked well for both of us, for him I guess because he had major relationship hangups and for me because I was/am staggeringly busy and I loved not having someone chew me out for not being around enough. The problem was, after years of waffling and being noncommittal, I finalized realized I was in love with him. I used to think he was a fling and I think once I told him I was glad he didn't have real feelings for me because if he ever did I'd have to break it off... and then one day I found myself contemplating a future together. Unfortunately, a future together means we'll both pretty much be stigmatized and I'd probably have to give up on having kids. He doesn't want me to give up anything I want... and he's probably right. Regardless, it's a moot point because as much as I think he's lying when he insists he never had feelings for me, he's got a lot more self-control than I do and if he wants it over, it's over. So I went NC for a long time and finally started talking a little while ago. We went out one day just casually and although I was glad to see him on better terms than the last time I'd seen him, it killed him. I'd planned not to touch him and he hugged me tightly goodnight and I sobbed my way back home and realized I was still totally not over it. I haven't seen him again since, and I'm trying to keep talk to a minimum, but it's such a pain. I fell for him the second I saw him those years ago and nothing has changed. Some part of me wants to just say it, because I've always avoided being honest about my feelings, tell him I love him and I can't stop thinking about him and that I want him to give me a real chance for once. I want to fight for what I love. But then the other part of me points out that I'm an idiot and that if he wanted to give me a chance he probably would have by now. So I mope. It's not like there aren't other guys, and it's not like some of them aren't cute. I lost a bunch of weight and blazed through a bunch of men a few months post-breakup, thinking maybe I just needed to sleep with other people or see what better guys are like, or whatever. I even managed to stop myself form comparing people to him, and I did enjoy myself. But... things never lasted with them either, and when it was over I found myself wanting what I had before. I still have a short list of prospects, but as time goes by I've found myself losing interest. It just sucks. You'd think that 6+ months later it would be old news, especially since we were off and on so often that I should be a pro at being permanently off by now. But it hasn't really worked out that way and it's really getting on my nerves now.
wilsonx Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It does get better with time and strict NC. That means no texts, no meeting up, no anything. You have to let go.
gluttonForPunishment Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 And, Six months is not long enough for it to get better. Especially if you have not stopped all contact. Every time you text, or talk or meet you set yourself back. Try to stop doing that to yourself.
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