ThsAmericanLife Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes, but clearly, from your description, skinny women would reject the fat man because they have more options, being more attractive. The fat man can only date fat women, because he is physically unappealing. So he can only date physically unappealing women (most fat women are physically unappealing.) Am I on the right track with this? Is the choice to either lose weight, or lower your standards? The answer is yes. Why do you feel justified applying standards to others you can't abide by yourself?
Queen Zenobia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes, but clearly, from your description, skinny women would reject the fat man because they have more options, being more attractive. The fat man can only date fat women, because he is physically unappealing. So he can only date physically unappealing women (most fat women are physically unappealing.) Am I on the right track with this? Is the choice to either lose weight, or lower your standards? Attractive people tend to have more "options" in today's world than physically unappealing ones. But if there's one thing I've learned about dating (and business as well) is that people have all kinds of tastes. The world doesn't exist in a concrete fat-skinny dichotomy. I don't remember ever reading this in any of your threads, but how do you feel about being overweight?
Calutaxi484 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 OP, you just posted earlier in your other thread about how you wanted to get in shape. You're literally willing to quit the same day? That's the problem, not your weight! Seriously you want to lose weight, go read my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3635545#post3635545 Seriously losing weight is easy, it really is. Check out my thread LEARN how your metabolism actually works, how your body actually uses food. Plain and simple what it comes down to is laziness. If you're too lazy to actually learn how easy it is, you're certainly going to be too lazy to pull it off.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 You're right. I just need to get on the treadmill, walk every day in the neighborhood, and stop feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I'm a 28 year old virgin with no experience, but I have nobody to blame for that. It just happened. Just gotta move forward from here. The biggest problem isn't my weight, I agree. I generally feel crappy when out in public. That's what I've got to work on first: my social skills and self esteem.
Els Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Fair enough, aj. I just read all the time about how it's my weight that's stopping me from dating the kind of women I want. Every single thread I've created, it's somehow gotten around to my weight. I am frustrated, because I probably never will have the body that these women are looking for, so I probably should give up on dating. Or should I? You know, before I joined a relationship forum (ENA in 2007 until 2010), I never really questioned that attractive women would find me attractive. It wasn't until women started piling on checklists of "tall/handsome/buff" that I looked at myself, and realized I didn't match. I sometimes wonder if this forum is healthy for me. Discussion and helpful hints are fine. But when people say that I need to work out, and that it will solve all my problems...that takes a direct hit to my self esteem. And people wonder why I make so many whiney threads! I don't really get it. Why don't you like obese women? Why is it then unhealthy for people to suggest that women will not like you for that exact reason?
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I don't really get it. Why don't you like obese women? Why is it then unhealthy for people to suggest that women will not like you for that exact reason? Because I already beat myself up enough for not being the right weight. I see ugly whenever I look in the mirror. I have social anxiety, body dismorphic disorder, and bipolar. All diagnosed by psychologists. I therefore don't need to be told that women won't like me, because I'm ugly as I am. I was told that enough when I was a teenager and early 20's.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 And I have a fast metabolism, too. I was skinny before I went on antidepressants. However, I had a suicide attempt and was put on meds. I don't want to end up in the hospital again. Once was bad enough.
thatone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Exactly. Lose weight, or don't get a date. This is the exact kind of mentality that always sets me back and sends me into depression. so buck the system then. get another job for a few months so you have more money to spend. read a lot and get more education/wit/charm than the average gym rat has. get a hobby or interest that's rare but attractive in some way. there are lots of options for how and what you can be. but if the only thing you have in mind is what everyone else tells you to be, then you're treading water at best. no matter what you do someone else will always do better, or have more, or look more attractive.
Els Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I am sorry to hear that, OP. Don't you think it's hypocritical of you to berate people for telling you that women aren't attracted to obese men, when you personally aren't attracted to obese women, though?
oaks Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 There are no such things as "fat men" and "fat women" I'm fairly certain that there are! To answer the OP's point: I think that anyone should be able to date anybody else (by mutual consent, of course) regardless of body size/shape/weight/fatness.
oaks Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Listen: I pretty much have the body of a swimsuit model and I can barely get a date! Why do you think it should be easy for you? That's a great way of putting it! (and a great image, )
Els Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I'm fairly certain that there are! To answer the OP's point: I think that anyone should be able to date anybody else (by mutual consent, of course) regardless of body size/shape/weight/fatness. Oh, I agree. However, the OP is playing the victim card here - he claims it is hurtful and lowers his self-esteem for people to tell him that he will have a better chance with attractive women if he were to lose weight. I see nothing wrong with people saying that, and I see plenty wrong with him faulting people for telling him that when he himself only wishes to date women who are not overweight, as well. In short, it is possible for anyone of any appearance to date anyone of any appearance, but, IMO, eminently hypocritical for someone of a particular appearance to exclude others of the same, while faulting others for excluding him.
USMCHokie Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Listen: I pretty much have the body of a swimsuit model and I can barely get a date! Me too.....
iris219 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Me too..... We must have terrible personalities!
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) Fat men can date whoever they want to date but I think they will have trouble finding slim women who want to date them. I am slim and fat men do not attract me at all. Not only do I not like to watch a fat body, for me it also points out a character flaw because people are in general fat because they have a problematic/addictive relationship with food. People with an addiction are a turn-off. There are also the health problems that come with being fat. Edited September 21, 2011 by PinkInTheLimo
rafallus Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Listen: I pretty much have the body of a swimsuit model and I can barely get a date! :drool: Thanks for working up my imagination. @topic: No, it isn't required for fat men to only date fat women, or vice versa. If a handsome guy is attracted to a fat woman, or a supermodel is attracted to a fat guy, there's nothing really wrong with them dating each other. Attraction works in mysterious ways.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Thanks raf. I guess I should just listen to people of your viewpoint, and ignore all the ones that are saying that crap.
aj22one Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Two arguments some people are missing here: a) if the OP chooses to not lose weight and chooses to "settle" for fat women he'd essentially be dating someone he doesn't find attractive. Regardless of whether that's hypocritical or not, would that be fair to the woman he'd be dating? b) Does this mean that while fat, the OP should only date fat women (or at least be open to doing so) but when/if he loses weight he would then be eligible for an "upgrade"? And if he were to ever re-gain the weight does that mean a "downgrade"? Think about the logical conclusions here, not just abstract principles of reciprocity vs hypocrisy.
serial muse Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Two arguments some people are missing here: a) if the OP chooses to not lose weight and chooses to "settle" for fat women he'd essentially be dating someone he doesn't find attractive. Regardless of whether that's hypocritical or not, would that be fair to the woman he'd be dating? b) Does this mean that while fat, the OP should only date fat women (or at least be open to doing so) but when/if he loses weight he would then be eligible for an "upgrade"? And if he were to ever re-gain the weight does that mean a "downgrade"? Think about the logical conclusions here, not just abstract principles of reciprocity vs hypocrisy. There is truth to this...but it's probably also worth pointing out that what the OP says about fat women is, in a way, a form of self-loathing - so perhaps he needs to get past the "fat" label for men AND women and focus on the person? That includes the women, and himself.
coolheadal Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Too me if you find someone fit and your overweight and she loves you for who you are and not the outside then you got someone there who really cares. All this weight nonsense just not justified how loving someone is.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 There is truth to this...but it's probably also worth pointing out that what the OP says about fat women is, in a way, a form of self-loathing - so perhaps he needs to get past the "fat" label for men AND women and focus on the person? That includes the women, and himself. That's what I tried to tell him in another thread --- that his issue is very possibly a manifestation of his own "self-loathing". If he accepted himself, then perhaps he may be able to find himself capable of being more interested in an over-weight woman (at least less appalled) (among other things).
Wolf18 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I've seen really tall fat guys get girls. But if you're average height you got to lose weight.
FitChick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I have nobody to blame for that. It just happened. I'd report this to the police immediately! Obviously, someone repeatedly, over many years, held you down and force fed you junk food several times per day in large portions until you turned into a blimp. That's assault and battery!
Queen Zenobia Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I'd report this to the police immediately! Obviously, someone repeatedly, over many years, held you down and force fed you junk food several times per day in large portions until you turned into a blimp. That's assault and battery! He did write that he was thin until he was put on anti-depressants which slowed his metabolism. Granted, they don't "make" you fat, but the change in metabolism can affect one's weight and fat accumulation. You see it with athletes all the time.
FrustratedStandards Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes, but clearly, from your description, skinny women would reject the fat man because they have more options, being more attractive. The fat man can only date fat women, because he is physically unappealing. So he can only date physically unappealing women (most fat women are physically unappealing.) Am I on the right track with this? Is the choice to either lose weight, or lower your standards? I agree 200% with this. Although it depends on preferance (some women like heavier men, heavier men like thinner women) altogether its really about who you can get. A hot, tall, gorgeous sexy woman won't go for a fat man, because why do that when the town's brad pitt has his eye on you? Totally agree with the above.
Recommended Posts