AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Be honest. Should someone who is overweight only date someone who is overweight? Do looks for men really matter that much?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It sure would be nice if the obesity misinformation and prejudice would cease. People who are over-weight are not "one of THEM", they are one of us. Deem it so that nobody finds obesity appealing to the eye. So why not deem it equally so that no one chooses that for themselves? It's a struggle the unafflicted CAN'T understand--you just have to have a leap of faith that not everyone has your body, your chemistry, your uprbringing, your experience. An obese person need not see him or her self only limited to "one of them". They probably struggle and lose weight at times and lose the battle at others. Compassion doesn't cost anything. How 'bout some? There are no such things as "fat men" and "fat women", there are just obese individuals facing the ignorance and judgementality of others.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Yes, but clearly, from your description, skinny women would reject the fat man because they have more options, being more attractive. The fat man can only date fat women, because he is physically unappealing. So he can only date physically unappealing women (most fat women are physically unappealing.) Am I on the right track with this? Is the choice to either lose weight, or lower your standards?
laotzu Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Not necessarily, but it's like any other sort of cohort: it's where they should spend most of their time trying to date, unless they're willing to undergo a significant amount of rejection. If you're a significantly overweight male, it's unlikely you should spend most of your time pining away over thin girls and wondering why they often reject you. Either go for girls who are more similar to you from a physical perspective (i.e. can identify with you) or engage in self-improvement, so you're more comparable to the girls you're attracted to. That might take a lot of time, but it's better than the alternative.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Yeah, that boils down to... Lose weight, or don't get a date.
thatone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 invent a time machine. in the early 20th century obesity was a sign of wealth. you can pick up the nerdy chicks and the gold diggers, two birds with one stone.
aj22one Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Be honest. Should someone who is overweight only date someone who is overweight? Do looks for men really matter that much? *sigh* Look, there is no "should". As in there is no "should someone only date (fill in the blank)". Whether you are normal weight or overweight you should look to date whoever you are attracted to. Will some (most?) women be turned off by your weight? Maybe, possibly, probably. Who knows? Are you going to let that stop you from trying? Fact is women and men reject people for all kinds of reasons. Some like to date outside their race only, some only inside their race, some only date older people, some only date hipsters, some only date "manly men". You can never be sure whether a girl will reject you for your weight or whether it would be for ninety million other completely arbitrary reasons. You can either fret about it or simply carry on (while continuing to work on you for YOU). I've seen fat guys with really beautiful women and I've seen thin guys with not so great looking women. And I'm sure I'll continue to do so. Be the best you you can be, don't worry about what people think you "should" do. People don't get ahead in life by always doing what everyone else thinks they should.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Fair enough, aj. I just read all the time about how it's my weight that's stopping me from dating the kind of women I want. Every single thread I've created, it's somehow gotten around to my weight. I am frustrated, because I probably never will have the body that these women are looking for, so I probably should give up on dating. Or should I? You know, before I joined a relationship forum (ENA in 2007 until 2010), I never really questioned that attractive women would find me attractive. It wasn't until women started piling on checklists of "tall/handsome/buff" that I looked at myself, and realized I didn't match. I sometimes wonder if this forum is healthy for me. Discussion and helpful hints are fine. But when people say that I need to work out, and that it will solve all my problems...that takes a direct hit to my self esteem. And people wonder why I make so many whiney threads!
Cypress25 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 But when people say that I need to work out, and that it will solve all my problems...that takes a direct hit to my self esteem. Losing weight won't solve all your problems. And you don't need to lose weight to be happy. I never really questioned that attractive women would find me attractive. It wasn't until women started piling on checklists of "tall/handsome/buff" that I looked at myself, and realized I didn't match. Women don't have checklists. They just want to date people they find attractive, just like men. They're no different from you. You think some women are attractive and some women are unattractive. You're drawn to the attractive ones. Why should women be any different?
aj22one Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Fair enough, aj. I just read all the time about how it's my weight that's stopping me from dating the kind of women I want. Every single thread I've created, it's somehow gotten around to my weight. I am frustrated, because I probably never will have the body that these women are looking for, so I probably should give up on dating. Or should I? You know, before I joined a relationship forum (ENA in 2007 until 2010), I never really questioned that attractive women would find me attractive. It wasn't until women started piling on checklists of "tall/handsome/buff" that I looked at myself, and realized I didn't match. I sometimes wonder if this forum is healthy for me. Discussion and helpful hints are fine. But when people say that I need to work out, and that it will solve all my problems...that takes a direct hit to my self esteem. And people wonder why I make so many whiney threads! Well, unless you have a thyroid/glandular problem of some sort (which do exist) if you want to get in shape you can. And for guys it's usually a lot easier than it is for girls (for physiological and aesthetic reasons). So the question is do you? The reality is that there are women out there who do not wish to date a fat guy. Happens. It also happens that there are women who prefer fat men, and women who could care less about a guy's weight so long as he's not about to have a heart attack. From what I've read in your threads I don't get the feeling that it's your weight that holds you back.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 No, fat men "should" not only date fat women. Like anyone else, fat men should date people they find attractive. And, as per the norm, the most attractive people of BOTH genders have the most selection and the most success with dating other attractive people. I would hope, however, that a especially a fat person of any gender is understanding about the weight challenges of other people. I've been disgusted by hearing some fairly portly men criticizing the figures of passing women.
Stung Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I like what FF had to say and wish more people would keep those sentiments in mind on these often angry forums. That being said, it's not a big secret that losing weight will widen your options. However, they wouldn't be widened from a nil set. There are also plenty of chubby chasers of both sexes out there, or people who just don't care that much if they like other things about you. They're a bit thinner on the ground, but they're out there.
iris219 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 But when people say that I need to work out, and that it will solve all my problems...that takes a direct hit to my self esteem Why the heck would this effect your self esteem? Why do you think you get a free pass to eat junk and not work out? You, like everyone else, should work out and eat healthy. Have you even tried to get healthier? Have you made any effort or significant changes? If not, you're probably lazy, and I wouldn't date you mainly for that reason. Attracting the right person is very, very hard. Why would you want to do things (i.e. be fat and unhealthy) to make it even more difficult?
Author AHardDaysNight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Why the heck would this effect your self esteem? Why do you think you get a free pass to eat junk and not work out? You, like everyone else, should work out and eat healthy. Have you even tried to get healthier? Have you made any effort or significant changes? If not, you're probably lazy, and I wouldn't date you mainly for that reason. Attracting the right person is very, very hard. Why would you want to do things (i.e. be fat and unhealthy) to make it even more difficult? Exactly. Lose weight, or don't get a date. This is the exact kind of mentality that always sets me back and sends me into depression.
laotzu Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Exactly. Lose weight, or don't get a date. This is the exact kind of mentality that always sets me back and sends me into depression. Sheesh, this is silly - it's a false dichotomy even based on your initial post, which was about overweight men only dating overweight women. Now you're saying either you lose weight, or you never get a date? How about: Either lose weight, or date someone who's of a similar physical stature as yourself? I go to the gym six freaking times a week, and so no, I'm not interested in someone who isn't also into fitness and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Why do you think that a thin girl would be interested in someone who's overweight, particularly when the insinuation of your thread is that you, an overweight man, wishes to date thin girls, and - since you cannot - you can never get a date? You can. With non-thin girls who can't get dates with thin or in-shape men.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Attraction is a strange thing. I've seen so many paired off couples that just don't seem like they "look" like a match- but who knows what brought them together initially and continues to keep them together. I've seen: Really hot guys with very average girls and vice-versa Fat women with thin attractive men Fat men with really attractive women... The list goes on. The weirdest pairing I ever saw was a couple I knew from my old dog park. The guy used to come by himself- and he was very sweet, thin, attractive, and thoughtful. I got to know him a little (he was younger- I wasn't wanting to date him or anything)... The first time he brought his gf, I was shocked. She was obese, and just generally angry and unfriendly everytime she came. She would always bitch him out constantly in front of all of us, and I don't think I ever saw her smile. He would just hang his head and not say anything. It was a very odd pairing. I felt really bad for him all the time. I didn't see what the attraction for either of them was in that situation. He obviously annoyed the crap out of her and he was always getting verbally abused or nagged. I guess atractive is relative. I would date a guy a little overweight, not a lot overweight, but a little is fine (and I'm thin). I care about health though. I like to eat healthy and be active, so someone that is interested in the same lifestyle is someone I would gravitate to.
iris219 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Exactly. Lose weight, or don't get a date. This is the exact kind of mentality that always sets me back and sends me into depression. Why doesn't it motivate you? Why doesn't it make you want to take action, immediately? We're not talking about some physical deformity you can't change here. Listen: I pretty much have the body of a swimsuit model and I can barely get a date! Why do you think it should be easy for you?
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I'm not over-weight and I've been with over-weight men before / been attracted to them (The ones that were witty, intelligent and amusing). I would remain with my current boyfriend if he began putting on a lot of weight (although I would probably suggest we do more vigorous activities together for health reasons [i'd still shag him all over the place in the meantime]). However, there was one such overweight man --- witty, intelligent and amusing --- who chased me for several months and whom I was not interested in (he knew this)... but he would bring up how he just couldn't see himself with an over-weight woman (nor any he found to be ugly) and I found that really off-putting. Not his weight. He also told me a few stories about "fat" girls trying to get with him and how he was just disgusted (and he ridiculed them in very unsightly ways). He himself did not have symmetrical features and again, was over-weight. It wouldn't have mattered to meeee, except for that he still focused on it within others and that part of his personality just didn't resonate with me very well... Plus I wanted to be sought after / valued for something besides my physique =P For some women being over-weight may be deal-breakers, but definitely not all.
Art_Critic Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 It sure would be nice if the obesity misinformation and prejudice would cease. People who are over-weight are not "one of THEM", they are one of us. Deem it so that nobody finds obesity appealing to the eye. So why not deem it equally so that no one chooses that for themselves? It's a struggle the unafflicted CAN'T understand--you just have to have a leap of faith that not everyone has your body, your chemistry, your uprbringing, your experience. An obese person need not see him or her self only limited to "one of them". They probably struggle and lose weight at times and lose the battle at others. Compassion doesn't cost anything. How 'bout some? There are no such things as "fat men" and "fat women", there are just obese individuals facing the ignorance and judgementality of others. I hate to say this but FF has nailed it with his post.. most people never reply to a thread like this with his type of proper post... Which is why I quoted it...because he said it perfectly...
thatone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 my gf nags herself about losing 10-12 pounds. i could easily lose 30-40. /shrug
carhill Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I wouldn't agree with 'only' on either side. I'm not 'skinny' and my exW would probably be considered by LS'ers to be obese (see our pix). Her new boyfriend is 160 lbs if he's lucky. She probably weighs more than him. What I will opine is that dismissing people, for either side, on the single data point of weight, can be short-sighted, regardless of one's own 'heft'. If one sorts by such preference, otherwise healthy potentials can be missed. Is it 'wrong'? Nope, not IMO. It is what it is.
iris219 Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I don't think overweight people are dismissed based solely on aesthetics. It's about lifestyle for me. Someone who's inactive (watches tv, surfs Internet, plays video games for hours) and/or has a diet which regularly includes junk like processed foods and fast food would not be a good fit for me. It wouldn't be a problem for me if a man was active and had a healthy diet, but still had a few extra pounds.
Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 You can't dictate to someone else who they "should" date. Attraction happens, and if it happens between an overweight man and a thin woman, good for them! And vice versa! You might not like to look at an overweight man dating a thin woman, or vice versa, but it really doesn't matter what you like. You are free to date a thin woman or a thin man, or an overweight one of each. I don't understand the point of your question.
USMCHokie Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 You can't dictate to someone else who they "should" date. Attraction happens, and if it happens between an overweight man and a thin woman, good for them! And vice versa! You might not like to look at an overweight man dating a thin woman, or vice versa, but it really doesn't matter what you like. You are free to date a thin woman or a thin man, or an overweight one of each. I don't understand the point of your question. I don't think he's referring to one's choice to date overweight or thin, but one's "obligation" to date overweight because of societal "norms"...I feel a similar obligation not to date all all because of my race. It's not because I want to, but because I feel I have to... That being said, no, you don't have to target exclusively overweight women simply because you are overweight, though society has certainly made it tougher for you.
FitChick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Overweight people dating each other could only be a good thing. They could diet and exercise together and relate better. I had neighbors who did that. I hadn't seen them for quite a while and when I finally did I was shocked at the change. The woman especially was quite beautiful. The man said they started walking together and had gotten up to 7 miles a day. That plus eating less. Setting a goal and achieving it together make them closer. Of course, it's always easier to whine and complain and be a victim. OR... you could move to one of these countries and fit right in.
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