Hot Chick Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) I have had 2 successful dates with a guy and I'm enjoying his company. He called me last evening and asked if I would like to spend his birthday on Saturday with him. He wants to drive down the coast, checking out the beaches, kitschy little towns, eat, etc., whatever the day brings. The question is: since it's his birthday, should I get him something small or not? He is an ex-pro athlete and eats sweets very rarely (although he did share a dessert with me on our first date). I thought I could bake some cupcakes (I make really good cupcakes) since it is his birthday. Or is this dorky and inconsiderate since he rarely eats sweets (but a birthday might be different as our first date was???) My other thought is to give him a bottle of Prosecco or other sparkling wine - not cheap but nice. he doesn't drink a lot either, because he is really health-conscious, but will drink wine now and then. Or - just a card or nothing? No sex is happening so don't suggest a bj or anything like that. I'm waiting to see where this goes before sex happens and right now I'm just enjoying the dating and anticipation. So - small gift or no? he's the real gentleman type - won't let me pay for anything (I do offer)....don't know if this makes a difference in that he might not be ready to receive a gift yet this early in the game.... I am late 30's and divorced, he is turning 41 and also divorced....if this helps with suggestions..... Edited September 20, 2011 by Hot Chick add more info
FitChick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Something small related to his sport or something fitness related? If he's a former pro-athlete, google him and see if there are interviews or fan clubs and any special hobby is mentioned. Is he planning a trip somewhere? Perhaps buy a little something related to travel that is useful but inexpensive.
ChessPieceFace Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I have had 2 successful dates with a guy and I'm enjoying his company. He called me last evening and asked if I would like to spend his birthday on Saturday with him. He wants to drive down the coast, checking out the beaches, kitschy little towns, eat, etc., whatever the day brings. No sex is happening so don't suggest a bj or anything like that. I'm waiting to see where this goes before sex happens and right now I'm just enjoying the dating and anticipation. He is spending his whole birthday with you and it's the 3rd date. Pretty sure he is expecting some kind of sex at the end of this. This is coming from a guy who doesn't believe in cheap sex. Personally I would want to spend my birthday with family & friends, but if I spent it with a 3rd date with a girl (I wouldn't, but I can imagine it) I would be expecting or hoping for something sexual to happen at the end, and if it didn't I would seriously question whether she was interested in me.
FitChick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) The Rule of 3. That was my first thought until she ruled it out. Why not have sex if you are both attracted? You're adults, not teenagers. At least do some heavy petting! I had a similar experience with a famous director years ago. We had barely started dating and it was his birthday. He was going away on location in winter so I bought him a cashmere scarf. Later in publicity photos of him on location, he was wearing it. Made me feel good! I think birthdays should be acknowledged. Edited September 21, 2011 by FitChick
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) No, it is too soon for sex. I like to be in a relationship. I don't believe that he is "expecting" anything. I am sure if it. I really like to get to know a man before having sex. I don't go by 3rd date "rules" and such. The fact that he asked me to spend his birthday with him tells me he really likes me. It doesn't mean that he is "expecting" sex. Like I said, I wasn't looking for that, just if I should bring a gift of some sort. I like the idea of googling him, but I don't know his last name. He said it once, but it was an unusual name and I don't remember it exactly or how to spell it. That's not really a concern because I met him through a good friend who knows him well. So I can call her and find out. Edited September 21, 2011 by Hot Chick
thatone Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 having met a few pro athletes that were forcefully retired with financial problems, i would tread lightly with such a thing. maybe just me, but the ones i met were jaded about their former lives. one day they have it all, they next day the light switch just goes off, and they struggle with it. i wouldn't bring that up unless i knew what his situation was. food or drink idea is a safer one, imo.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Yes that's why I need to get to know a guy before getting naked with him. He was a "pro" in his sport, but it was not a mainstream sport (in the U.S.) and it's not like a bunch of people would know who he is, like Koby Bryant or something...I think he made a living at his career but wasn't super rich or famous or anything. He is successful financially because of his current career (completely unrelated to sports.) I only mentioned the "pro athlete" aspect to stress that he is into eating healthy and doesn't drink much (even though he is "retired" he likes to stay in good shape.) I do think I'll find something nice but not over the top, possibly related to his former pro-athlete status.
laotzu Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 A small gift to a guy on the third date isn't a bad idea, particularly if he invited you out on his birthday. The cupcakes are probably not a bad idea, really, because it shows you spent time on him. I'd think it was cool.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Thanks, I was thinking that about the cupcakes, also. Anyone can go out and buy something but spending time to do something like baking for him on his special I think might be a bit more special....
EasyHeart Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I think the cupcakes are a great idea. It's not expensive or over-the-top, plus it shows thoughtfulness and skillz. Cupcakes are small, so even if he doesn't eat a lot of sweets, I'm sure he'll eat a cupcake. And even if he tosses them out as soon as you leave, he'll appreciate the effort. Cupcakes!!
make me believe Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 That sounds like such a fun date! Cupcakes are a great idea. I made my husband cupcakes for his birthday shortly after we started dating and he LOVED them. I think your guy will definitely appreciate the effort.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 That sounds like such a fun date! Cupcakes are a great idea. I made my husband cupcakes for his birthday shortly after we started dating and he LOVED them. I think your guy will definitely appreciate the effort. That is good to know.
Art_Critic Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 No sex is happening so don't suggest a bj or anything like that. I'm waiting to see where this goes before sex happens and right now I'm just enjoying the dating and anticipation. First off.. just a card.. maybe something yummy to eat.. say a couple of great cookies from a bakery.. The other thing is that his B-day and third date = him trying to have sex with you
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Thanks! Like I said, sex isn't on the menu for Saturday.....so he'll have to be satisfied with just a baked treat and my company. I am confident he will be
veggirl Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I would say pay for lunch and bring a small treat for after.
ChessPieceFace Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 No, it is too soon for sex. I like to be in a relationship. I don't believe that he is "expecting" anything. I am sure if it. How are you sure? You've only been on 2 dates with him. Who do you spend your birthdays with? I spend mine with family and friends. Is there some reason he can't be with family and friends, like they live far away or something? If so, maybe you are correct. However, if he's giving up being around a group of friends and family on his birthday, just to be with YOU, on your third date ... I dunno, I'm really thinking he is expecting a romantic day with his new GF which leads to your first time in bed. That's really how I see it.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) How are you sure? You've only been on 2 dates with him. Who do you spend your birthdays with? I spend mine with family and friends. Is there some reason he can't be with family and friends, like they live far away or something? If so, maybe you are correct. However, if he's giving up being around a group of friends and family on his birthday, just to be with YOU, on your third date ... I dunno, I'm really thinking he is expecting a romantic day with his new GF which leads to your first time in bed. That's really how I see it. You are you and he is not you. Some guys do not necessarily want to be with their mommy and daddy on their birthday. They might call, etc. He would rather spend it with me. I am not sure if his parents are alive or where they live. See, I don't even know this man enough to know these type of details about his life. I am not going to get naked with him just because we are spending several hours together driving down 101 and dining together, and it just happens to be his birthday. My body is not a birthday gift. I know on this board there is this "3 date rule" and that is how it is for a lot of people but it is NOT that way for a lot of people. He is popular and has a lot of friends, but....he wants to spend the day with me. Why? Because he can only see me on weekends because we live an hour away from each other. So...instead of spending his birthday with his friends he is spending it with a woman he likes who he started dating. there is not an expectation that there is sex at all......it is a date. Like I said, you see sex as a given in this situation....not all people do. If he does in fact see it that way, then he will have to take "No, thanks. I'd like to get to know each other better." If he doesn't like that answer, he can choose to not date me and lose out, or he can choose to keep seeing me and let more develop between us to see if we are right for one another and if feelings are there. yes you are going to say "well he won't know if feelings are there until he sleeps with you" that is total bullcrap. I have been married and have had other romantic relationships and I know that your line of thinking is total bullcrap. There are decent guys out there who don't think that if a girl doesn't sleep with them by the third date she is not interested, and there are plenty of guys who stop seeing a woman simply because they haven't had sex with them by the third date. It is not a really foreign concept to really get to know someone before getting intimate. Three dates is not enough for me. AND there are plenty of guys who feel the same way! The ones that don't - have a great life getting laid by the third date with the next ladies you take out! Edited September 21, 2011 by Hot Chick
OliveOyl Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 there is not an expectation that there is sex at all......it is a date. Have you talked about this? How do you know? There may not be an expectation for you, but there may be for him. Just sayin'.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) I addressed this. If he expresses that he expects this, then he will get the response "I would like to get to know you better." There is such a thing as not putting out for a guy just because he wants it. It's not like I'm being mean to the guy or anything....if I have a wonderful time and want to see him again, I will definitely let him know this. However, if he chooses to not see me again because I don't get sexually intimate on Saturday - his loss and "next" for me. If he invites me to stay over, I just say "Oh, it's late. I had a great time!" This isn't rocket science. Edited September 21, 2011 by Hot Chick
OliveOyl Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) I addressed this. If he expresses that he expects this, then he will get the response "I would like to get to know you better." There is such a thing as not putting out for a guy just because he wants it. It's not like I'm being mean to the guy or anything....if I have a wonderful time and want to see him again, I will definitely let him know this. However, if he chooses to not see me again because I don't get sexually intimate on Saturday - his loss and "next" for me. If he invites me to stay over, I just say "Oh, it's late. I had a great time!" This isn't rocket science. Actually, my question wasn't what you will do if he wants sex. You said you will just move on. However, you just seemed pretty confident that he isn't the type who would be expecting sex (on a 3rd date which happens to be his birthday), and I was wondering whether you'd discussed it or what makes you think he isn't expecting it. Personally if I knew I didn't want sex on a 3rd date I wouldn't spend hours and hours, driving with a guy on his birthday... it's along the same lines of not taking a date to one's apartment... sure you can go to one's home, but it's best not to even "go there" until you want to... go there. Edited September 21, 2011 by OliveOyl
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 (edited) Eh - I didn't put that much thought into it. I'm going to have fun with a guy who asked me on a date to drive the coast on his birthday. I like him, he likes me, we connect so far....what you would do or wouldn't do doesn't really matter. Spending a Saturday with a guy you are dating really isn't a huge deal! Lighten up! If he is "expecting it" he will be disappointed, I guess. If he thinks that inviting me to spend a Saturday with him is setting the scene for sex, then he is incorrect and he will have to have a plan B. This man is 40 years old and he treats me very well. I have an instinct that this is not the case, that he is similar to me about relationships and dating....but if he's not, then he's not! His loss! Edited September 21, 2011 by Hot Chick
Cracker Jack Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I also really like the cupcake idea. Little things like that mean a lot, in my opinion. Anyway, hope you have a great date on Sat. Please enjoy yourself.
Author Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 thanks, Cracker Jack. I think I will do that, and I also like veggirl's idea about treating him to lunch. guys, just to let you know, for further clarification so everyone doesn't think I'm a big tease - my sister lives in the same town that he does and he knows I go there to visit alot, and he knows that I am planning on staying there overnight. He did NOT ask me to stay overnight with him! He did drive to my city for the first two dates....all is good here, people. I am not some big tease leading him to believe that he will get sex from me because I accepted his invitation. Also....who knows? Maybe I will sleep with him, I am not a seesayer....I do not think in absolutes....at this point, though, I am just looking forward to this date!
serialgf Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Hot Chick: The cupcakes are a cute idea. My suggestion, if you're into it, would be to make them healthy, like use agave syrup or make them whole grain or something else that shows you pay attention to his interests! I have had some amazingly delicious healthy desserts! good luck on your date!
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