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! It's been 3 years since the break up. I was doing well, now It's like I'm falli

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health Established Member

health

Posted
Posted

Help! It's been 3 years since the break up. I was doing well, now It's like I'm falling apart again.

 

Quick background - we were to together for 5 years and 4 months.

I left her cause I was angry she was hanging out with one guy alot while

I just a got a new job - she hooks up with tsaid guy 3 days after our breakup.

I don't believe she cheated physically but I feel replaced.

 

From there I started a plot for success.

 

I got promoted at my work, I went to New York, Europe and California for vacations. I had 3 small fling type relationships, completed 4 major projects.

 

Now this is where I am - I ended up getting laid off, I was on unemployment for the last year - waiting on this one job, and recently it didn't go through.

 

I started drinking and embaressing myself in front of friends even losing one.

 

I am still sometimes so angry at what happened in my relationship - angry at her and angry at almost all women < and I'm scared for it!

 

They say it's not good to get in a relationship if you still have anger at your ex < I do.

 

I've been no contact for over 2 years here as well. SOmetimes I just miss her so bad.

 

I feel like I liked her more then she did me sooooooooo - I hate approaching women now - if I don't see they like me at all I run away. I think rightfully so too!

 

I feel like I could never suffer through a break up again.

 

I see a talk councilor, I'm looking for work and decided to quit drinking.

 

Positively I look at this like it was my first major grieving situation and no never to put a person in the center of your life.

 

I will heal, it's just I feel set back. Any suggestions?

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health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted

3 years later and I still feel so hurt - at her for jumping into a rebound and replacing me. After us being together for 5 years. We knew each other for 7 years. She met that new guy for just 3 months - I guess if it's that easy for hook up with others that's very bad. I thought she respected me, I thought it was a great partnership. I feel like she was so insecure she couldn't handel being alone. I just want this all out of my head.

 

It's like I don't ever want to be in a relationship again < but that's the biggest fail because it's like I let this event victimize me.

 

At the same time I feel so desparate to be in one. I tried so much and met girls I thought would be good - but they always had boyfriends or didn;t like me. I feel like it's so hard for me to find a girl, and so easy for others to meet.

 

I feel like giving up on relationships. man, I need to calm down.

immitable Established Member

immitable

Posted
Posted (edited)

So you gave up on your girl (you left her, you said),

it looks like getting promoted at work and seeing the world on your own compensates for lot of stuff. With the limited information you provided imo (and sorry if it isn't so) you come off as little -- selfish.

Edited by immitable
gbadboy Established Member

gbadboy

Posted
Posted

I dont know your situation so well, but based on what you've written......

 

It sounds like when you were off on your trips worldwide and meeting ppl and life was good - you weren't stressing her.

 

But the moment things started to turn sour in your life, you started to reflect and all of a sudden you want her back.

 

You reached a weak point it seems.

 

If you haven't been in touch wit her since the break up, then you've done well with NC and really its just your low point you're going through thats making you think about her.

 

I truly dont believe you miss her. I think you miss her only b/c you're having a weak point.

 

Were you missing her when you were in Cali?

 

2 years NC and still pining for her is a really long time and honestly you shouldnt still be pining for her after so long (despite your 5yr relationship). Do you keep in touch with ppl who are associated with her? IMO NC is about not only cutting off the source BUT ALSO CUTTING OFF EVERYONE AND ANYONE (even mutual friends) who have a close connection to the source - otherwise, you'll be reminded of your ex everytime you come in contact with these people.

 

I wouldn't suggest contacting her after 2 years to break NC, but if you feel you have no other choice, do it with the knowledge that she might not respond or give you the response you're looking for.

 

Times are tough but maybe contacting her will throw you down even more. The best way to get over someone is to cut all contact with the source and all associated with them. If not, you'll be pining for years.

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health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted

immitable - I left her because she was killing me.

I explained how hurt I was and it's like she didn't care anymore.

+ She smoked, didn't finish high school couldn't hold down a job

- a monster right? When your in love non of that matters. lol

 

I agree with you though, all of this does seem selfish and

like I'm looking out for my best interests. I will try to change that.

Thank you.

 

gbadboy - Meh - when I was in Europe there was a point

where I was alone on an empty beach drinking

at 10 am just pissed off - it's all in the head,

doesn't matter where you go - the problems remain

unless solved.

 

I agree with you where now that life is challenging

I miss her. In Cali I wasn't thinking of her

so much, but I did talk to friends about it there.

 

I know 2 years pinning is alot - but know this:

 

I am still committed to healing and this is just recent.

 

There are married people out there still thinking of

their exes, because they thought replacing

them would work when it doesn't. They didn't do the healing work.

 

I want to be fully cleared of this.

 

I have cut off everyone, but sometimes

I end up in the same areas we used to hang

out. We were all over the city together. Triggers are hard

sometimes.

 

I would never break no contact.

 

Last I heard less then a year ago she was talking

to a mutual friend I dont even talk to

and she was asking a million questions

about me, if I'm single, live at home,

etc. My friend told me

she's doing very bad, on welfare and always fighting with

that guy. It kinda made me happy but it's still bad.

Its not good to wish bad or laugh at others misery.

 

Thanks again.

 

My decision is this

1. quit drinking completely

2. Continue therapy

3. keep busy

4. Find a steady job - that's number 1

EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

Posted
Posted

I think you would do well to go to AA before it gets worse.

stopthemadness Established Member

stopthemadness

Posted
Posted
immitable - I left her because she was killing me.

I explained how hurt I was and it's like she didn't care anymore.

+ She smoked, didn't finish high school couldn't hold down a job

- a monster right? When your in love non of that matters. lol

 

I agree with you though, all of this does seem selfish and

like I'm looking out for my best interests. I will try to change that.

Thank you.

 

gbadboy - Meh - when I was in Europe there was a point

where I was alone on an empty beach drinking

at 10 am just pissed off - it's all in the head,

doesn't matter where you go - the problems remain

unless solved.

 

I agree with you where now that life is challenging

I miss her. In Cali I wasn't thinking of her

so much, but I did talk to friends about it there.

 

I know 2 years pinning is alot - but know this:

 

I am still committed to healing and this is just recent.

 

There are married people out there still thinking of

their exes, because they thought replacing

them would work when it doesn't. They didn't do the healing work.

 

I want to be fully cleared of this.

 

I have cut off everyone, but sometimes

I end up in the same areas we used to hang

out. We were all over the city together. Triggers are hard

sometimes.

 

I would never break no contact.

 

Last I heard less then a year ago she was talking

to a mutual friend I dont even talk to

and she was asking a million questions

about me, if I'm single, live at home,

etc. My friend told me

she's doing very bad, on welfare and always fighting with

that guy. It kinda made me happy but it's still bad.

Its not good to wish bad or laugh at others misery.

 

Thanks again.

 

My decision is this

1. quit drinking completely

2. Continue therapy

3. keep busy

4. Find a steady job - that's number 1

 

 

Wow I agree about the part that their are married people still pinning over their ex's because they didnt heal. Some times (most times) I just feel like getting into a relationship would be too much of a risk. And right now my heart just couldnt go through that again soo soon. And its been a year sence my breakup. Iam getten there. Just not there yet.

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