Is my girlfriend's anger justified, or is she being overly jealous/controlling?

[shamrockisland]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year, we live together, and I love her very much. But she has always had issues with trust and jealousy. I think that a lot of this is my fault... in the first week that we knew each other, I 'hooked up' with 2 other girls (both meant nothing, were alcohol induced, and didn't go past kissing - it was my last year of college). I also am the type of person whose eyes tend to wander (towards attractive women). I'm trying my hardest to cut this out, but sometimes I slip. I would never cheat on my girlfriend, and I don't want to do anything to hurt her... but I can't lie and say that I am not attracted to other women.

 

Recently, she saw that I had 'Babes' listed as one of my interests on stumbleupon.com (I edited my interests like 2 weeks ago and added a whole bunch of things, she knows that I added 'Babes' then also). She got very mad, said she hated me (although she took it back and said that she hated the way I make her feel sometimes), and wouldn't touch me all night. I wanted to kiss her goodbye in the morning, but she wouldn't do that either. Is her anger justified? Is looking at girls lustfully considered cheating? Is she just overreacting? And most importantly, how do I make things better?

 

Thanks

[GG3]

I don't think it is cheating but it probably feels disrespectful to her. I think it's something you should try to "turn off" when around your girlfriend. We like to feel special and like we are the only one you look at.

[HappyFlower]

I don't think looking at other women is cheating, but I think you should try not to be so in-her-face about it, so to speak. You're supposed to be looking at her when you're with her, not other women.

 

Try putting 'my girlfriend' as one of your interests instead of other 'babes'

[make me believe]

It's immature and disrespectful for sure. You put "babes" as an interest? Come on.... how do you think that's going to make her feel?? You need to keep your focus on your girlfriend when you are with her and don't do stupid things like advertise your interest in attractive women. You are a guy, we know you like hot girls. No need to rub it in your girlfriend's face.

[nofool4u]

I'd say you are giving her a reason to feel the way she does.

 

even if there was no commitment in the first week of dating someone, if I found out they went out and screwed 2 other guys, it wouldn't sit well with me, and I wouldn't consider her for a serious relationship.

 

As she probably found out with you. And the overly wandering eyes don't help your cause much.

 

And I doubt you'd feel real good about a girlfriend that boffed other guys when you started dating, commitment or not, and then kept checking out other guys in front of you throughout the relationship.

 

there is no way for her to know you WON'T cheat on her given you seem to be a horn dog. no offense, and not saying you are a bad guy, but you need to see this from her perspective.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Your behavior is disrespectful at best and hurtful and selfish at worst.

 

There are some women that don't mind the roving eye in their presence, but many more seem to.

[CarrieT]

There are some women that don't mind the roving eye in their presence, but many more seem to.

 

I guess as a woman, I am one of those. I don't mind the guy looking at the menu, but as long as I'm the one being eaten, there is no harm in glancing over the offerings...

 

But that comes from YEARS of knowing the difference and being older and more secure in who I am. I know I was not like that as a young woman so I can understand how your girlfriend feels.

 

Older men might have the same interests, but they hide it better and don't flaunt it as well.

[Vanessa-Anne]

If you were my boyfriend, I would have left you there and then. So yeah. I think she did really well with just being 'angry' ... I know myself and many other girls wouldn't have even give it a second chance.

[Sazerac]

There's quite a bit of difference about being honest about "liking babes" and being in your face about it. Being honest means not lying when she asks you a direct question in regards to it. Putting it up on Stumbleupon or FB as an interest is "in your face" and quite frankly trolling for trouble.

 

Unless you're really planning on acting upon finding "babes" in the future, I see no reason why that should be up there. As was pointed out earlier, it is frankly disrespectful to your girlfriend, who is, I think, being a saint to take this as well as she has.