Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Ok, so on Saturday I made a new profile and have been messaging with guys again. I deleted the old profile awhile back because I find the whole experience pretty confusing/ frustrating. My goal is to find ONE guy to date regularly and get off of there as quickly as possible. So give me some feedback people! Here's what's going on so far. I've gotten like 200 messages, I've responded to about 20 of them I suppose, am texting with about 5, and meeting one guy tonight for dinner. I find it SO weird to talk to so many guys at once. Should I hide my profile until I sort through the ones who have already messaged me? I don't want to keep getting new messages and miss out on a good prospect because I'm being overloaded. Any tips on how to best manage this clusterf**k?
SmileFace Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 200?! Can't help you. Never had to deal with a cluster f$%k that size.
carhill Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 If you're going out on a date tonight with one guy, he must be a good prospect. Triage. Set up parameters for inclusion and/or dismissal and sort accordingly. Decide how many dates per week/month are healthy for you. Implement that. Communicate. With any men who catch your interest, communicate and move to real life ASAP if they hold potential. Segregate. Avoid OLD-related activities on the day of a date. Focus on the person you've chosen to meet IRL. Enjoy. Dating should be fun. If it becomes work, try something else.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Ah! I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything. I live in a big city so there's just a lot of people here. Most of the messages are from totally inappropriate guys that I just ignore (22 year olds, 60 year olds, guys that live on the other side of the state, or propositioned me for sex as their opening line- gross) So really I guess I'm dealing with about 20 so far, but that is still logically unmanageable in my mind. I am already feeling overwhelmed and claustrophobic.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Triage- LOL I love it! Thanks Carhill you always give good advice.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Yeah I don't know about the guy for tonight. I don't really feel super attracted to his pictures but he has a good personality so far- Im trying to place less emphasis on physical attraction because that has always gotten me into trouble in the past. I feel like OLD is giving me ADD.
Andy_K Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 You have two options 1) Take your pictures down 2) hide your profile, and you be the one who initiates contact.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I did... I just put my profile on "hidden" for the time being so that will put a stop to any new messages and give me time to communicate with the ones I'm already talking to. We'll see how tonight goes!
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Ok well now I really screwed up. I'm meeting guy #1 at 7 and somehow just managed to agreed to meet guy #2 at 9:30. Well what actually happened was guy #2 called me and asked what I'm doing tonight. I said having dinner with a friend- not really a lie, right? So he said call me after and we will meet up for a drink. So I said ok, I'll call you around 9. Guy # 3 texted me and said he's working until 7 and can he call me after? I said I would be busy until around 8:30 and would give him a quick call. I'm an idiot.
laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Ok well now I really screwed up. I'm meeting guy #1 at 7 and somehow just managed to agreed to meet guy #2 at 9:30. Well what actually happened was guy #2 called me and asked what I'm doing tonight. I said having dinner with a friend- not really a lie, right? So he said call me after and we will meet up for a drink. So I said ok, I'll call you around 9. Guy # 3 texted me and said he's working until 7 and can he call me after? I said I would be busy until around 8:30 and would give him a quick call. I'm an idiot. So now you'll be thinking about the guy you have to meet later during your first date, along with wondering if you'll have enough time for your phone call. This is the exact reason I don't do OLD: you think you're going to go on a date with someone and have some sort of communication in which you get to see the other person in a genuine setting, but for all you know, the person across the table from you is already thinking about guy #2 and guy #3 before you even sit down to dinner. It's a little... odd. I mean, it can't be enjoyable, right? I felt stressed dating twice in one week. Why don't you postpone with guy #1 or guy #3? You've already set a time limit for guy #1 - what if you really liked him?
FitChick Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Ok well now I really screwed up. I'm meeting guy #1 at 7 and somehow just managed to agreed to meet guy #2 at 9:30. Well what actually happened was guy #2 called me and asked what I'm doing tonight. I said having dinner with a friend- not really a lie, right? So he said call me after and we will meet up for a drink. So I said ok, I'll call you around 9. Guy # 3 texted me and said he's working until 7 and can he call me after? I said I would be busy until around 8:30 and would give him a quick call. I'm an idiot. You can still call both of them, but only meet one. Arrange a date for tomorrow with the other one.
rightfield Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 You need to damage control this before you screw it up with all three. This is like air traffic control, and your pattern is full. Contact guy #2 and explain that your friend had to move dinner back, and it will now take longer. You can't meet guy #2 tonight because you can't have that late a night because of work tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. Tell guy #3 the same thing and set a time tomorrow when the two of you can talk. When you do, have it real clear when you are available, with proper spacing between guys 1 and 2. Now start directing traffic and good luck. Most of all, have fun!
carhill Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Look at OLD as a tool. A virtual mall. You run into a guy at the mall and his appearance catches your eye. You interact briefly. You're strangers. Perhaps there is enough 'spark' to go out on a date and see where it goes. With OLD, you don't have the 'in-person' part of the mall, so you, if feeling a virtual spark, take that to IRL and see where it goes.
Author Beachgirl8 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Thanks for your help everyone I'm really glad I posted this, otherwise I'd be freaking out right now. Luckily Guy#1 got called in to work tonight (or found a better prospect lol) and rescheduled for tomorrow. So now I can call guy #3 and chat for a bit and then go meet guy #2, providing he doesn't flake. Something tells me I'll be home all night watching movies and reading LS like normal. Ha.
9Lives Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Ok, so on Saturday I made a new profile and have been messaging with guys again. I deleted the old profile awhile back because I find the whole experience pretty confusing/ frustrating. My goal is to find ONE guy to date regularly and get off of there as quickly as possible. So give me some feedback people! Here's what's going on so far. I've gotten like 200 messages, I've responded to about 20 of them I suppose, am texting with about 5, and meeting one guy tonight for dinner. I find it SO weird to talk to so many guys at once. Should I hide my profile until I sort through the ones who have already messaged me? I don't want to keep getting new messages and miss out on a good prospect because I'm being overloaded. Any tips on how to best manage this clusterf**k? Beachgirl, Im doing online dating to and thanks to you I feel better about this whole process. I felt very overwhelmed about it but thru this post, Im learning how to really manage it all. Carhill, You really gave some good advice on how to handle this. Thanks. I want to meet someone and stop all this mess. It is fun but it gets old. Sometimes you think you made a connection and the next thing you know, you dont hear from them anymore. ugh!
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