Love Me Tender Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I'm new to this online posting community and I must say I find it shocking how harsh people can be. I really respect Spark1111s and Silly_girl's posts though because they seem to offer genuine and caring support. I am not an OW but recently went through a little scare in thinking I could be and how would I handle it if I had to so in a way I relate. I could never befriend a BW like you did, or at least I don't think I would, but what's done is done. Look forward and keep moving in that direction. It's just another lesson in life right?
woinlove Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Unlike Silly Girl, I see a lot of great responses here, particularly since this brings in friendship which means so much and can push so many of our buttons. Almost all the posts say the same thing: (1) in response to the direct question: no, do not contact his wife (2) more generally, focus on yourself and reflect/get counselling/learn the why. I agree with both of these. Besides family, I can't think of anything more important than our our intimate relationships and our friends -- so I think Spark's advice is so very important, Ilmhb3.
Owl Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I agree with woinlove. Lots of good advice here. Not a ton of people on an agenda at all. Some honest, heartfelt, passionate advice. It can be all of those things, even if you don't like it or agree with it. OP, your best bet is the advice you've been given. Learn from your mistakes, and move on in your life. Let them sort out their lives, accept the loss of their "friendships" as part of the cost you're paying for your actions/choices, learn from that, and move on to the next part of your life...and leave them free to do the same.
skywriter Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Ilmhb3, From reading your original post. It sounds as if you and the MM were in the A before you actually met his W. I just wanted to be clear on that. If so, did the MM ever explain why he would introduce you do his W?
Author Ilmhb3 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Thank you for the advice. MM and I were growing friendly at work before I met her, but it wasn't a full blown A until we had all begun hanging out as a group. We were IMing daily at work, but it hadn't really crossed that line until after I had met her... It was almost simultaneous and so confusing really now looking back. MM's reasoning for introducing us was so that he could spend more time with me, really. I've been doing my best to focus on myself, I know it'll only get easier, since this is all still soooo fresh. I will NOT reach out to her, as much as I think I would like to. Part of me now believes she has a right to know certain things - but if she wants that information she can come looking for it. I won't cause her anymore pain or interference. I've seen MM a few times since she found out already. He says it's "her decision" as to how they proceed in their marriage, but that he will not go to counseling. (????) The advice to focus on myself is of utmost importance, I know. I have barely eaten anything since it happened and have gotten maybe 5 hrs of sleep. I reached out to my closest friend from before I began the A - she knows nothing of it. I isolated like so many others do... Hopefully she can be of support. Posting here has helped also, so for those who provided non-judgmental and practical advice - Thank You. Matters of the heart are so complicated, and I need to focus on myself and how I manage and act on my feelings. I can't even describe how I feel about myself now, I need to work on how I got here and why... I know in my mind from a practical sense that I deserve a healthy happy relationship like anyone else, I just don't know how to Feel like I do. Lots of work to do.
Recommended Posts