bluenightowl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I've asked this question before but in a more general way. I'm really curious if Loveshackers think a non-response to a breakup email is less mature than a simple, "hey no problem, all the best" type message, lets says after dating 4-10 times with some intimacy and being dumped for someone else. Somehow my gut feels, responding with a message of acceptance - short and sweet is better and more mature, and yet another part of me thinks its better to just let go now in these situations, and go NC because its avoids any chance of saying the wrong thing and making things worse, and puts an end to the back and forth dialogue so you can focus on what's next. I'm not interested in revenge or gaming them, but really interesting to know whats the best approach for the dumpee in a taking the high road type type way. Is it immature to just not respond at all?
Andy_K Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I would say so. It's courteous to reply to an email. The moral high ground is to acknowledge the email (at least the first one) so the dumper has the peace of mind of knowing you got it. Of course it may take quite some strength of character to have enough respect for the person who dumped you to do that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 You always seem to pose your questions as "hypothetical." I think you should stop that. I did a quick check on your past threads, though, and I see that you do have one in "break ups" on this same topic, and where you acknowledge your own actual, real life situation. I suggest that you do more of that here on LS going forward. There is no "rule of thumb" for how to respond to a "break up email." Depending upon the circumstances, very much including ones own emotional condition upon receiving the "break up email," appropriate responses can vary wildly. According to your other thread about this exact same subject, you mention being "friends." If you are going to be "friends," I suppose you cannot ignore the "break up email." Right? What would be the basis for "friendship" here? Anyway, what do YOU FEEL about this, and is this something that seems to happen to you regularly? Do you have anything to say to her, or not?
HeartOnSleeve Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I would defiantly respond with something short and sweet! "Hey, thanks for letting me know. Good luck!" or something too that effect. I like to leave things on a good note.
oaks Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I would defiantly respond with something short and sweet! "Hey, thanks for letting me know. Good luck!" or something too that effect. I like to leave things on a good note. This! I might insert "sorry to hear that", if I was.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I don't agree with anyone who advises you to give a message in order to "make her think" or to "show her" something about you. If you have something to say, really, and it's important to you to say it to her - then do. If you are feeling that it's all "water under the bridge," so to speak, then let it go.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I once had this happen, and I said something like this: "Hey, no worries I was thinking the same thing that maybe we weren't right for one another. I do wish you all the best!" I didn't want to give him any satisfaction of knowing I was hurting. He still to this day comes sniffing around once or twice a year. D
Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I have to say I would not respond at all to an email. He could have called. Someone that breaks up with you via email or text isn't really worth a response. Just move on and don't look back.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I have to say I would not respond at all to an email. He could have called. Someone that breaks up with you via email or text isn't really worth a response. Just move on and don't look back. I don't know, for me, telling them I was having my own doubts, agree with the break up, and was gearing up to break up with them negates the rejection I feel and puts some rejection back on them. It's a silly little reverse psychology move that always makes me feel better. It gives them pause for thought and usually sends them into a little tail-spin on their end: "what do you mean you were going to break up with me???" For me, it allows me to take back some power and feel like I've kept my dignity intact. That's just me though. Then I'll go silent. The last guy that did this to me broke up with me over text after a few dates- and I did like him... But when I used the reverse psychology move on him, he wanted answers as to why, and to this day still reaches out to me years later (I never answer). I think we all have to find our own way to get over something like this as quick as possible- so the OP should do what she has to do to come to terms with the break up and find her quickest road to recovery. Whatever works when it comes to your own healing.
Hot Chick Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes that is why I stated it in terms of what I personally would do. I realize others would feel better responding and it might be the right choice for them to move on.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I don't agree with anyone who advises you to give a message in order to "make her think" or to "show her" something about you. If you have something to say, really, and it's important to you to say it to her - then do. If you are feeling that it's all "water under the bridge," so to speak, then let it go. Its all water under the bridge regardless because its over and its not about if you have something important to say. I really doubt they would care if are being dumped. The question is really if silence is somehow immature. I see many people talk about giving someone the silent treatment after they get dumped by email,txt etc. In my experience, I always somehow respected the ones that wrote even a short reply than the ones that just disappeared, but so often people talk about just going silent.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 You always seem to pose your questions as "hypothetical." I think you should stop that. I did a quick check on your past threads, though, and I see that you do have one in "break ups" on this same topic, and where you acknowledge your own actual, real life situation. I suggest that you do more of that here on LS going forward. There is no "rule of thumb" for how to respond to a "break up email." Depending upon the circumstances, very much including ones own emotional condition upon receiving the "break up email," appropriate responses can vary wildly. According to your other thread about this exact same subject, you mention being "friends." If you are going to be "friends," I suppose you cannot ignore the "break up email." Right? What would be the basis for "friendship" here? Anyway, what do YOU FEEL about this, and is this something that seems to happen to you regularly? Do you have anything to say to her, or not? Actually I see no problem asking a question as hypothetical at all. Its about learning here, not always about past situations, and preparing for the future as well. Of course some of it is based on past experience, but not always. There is no 'rule of thumb' about many situations in dating and relationships, but learning from the experience of others is useful.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 I would say so. It's courteous to reply to an email. The moral high ground is to acknowledge the email (at least the first one) so the dumper has the peace of mind of knowing you got it. Of course it may take quite some strength of character to have enough respect for the person who dumped you to do that. Yes, I tend to agree, and I think for some (depending on the situation) finding that strength of character could be very hard in that moment of confusion, shock and so forth.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Yes that is why I stated it in terms of what I personally would do. I realize others would feel better responding and it might be the right choice for them to move on. Same with me. I have a big issue with getting over rejection, so I find solace in turning things around and creating a false, but effective sense of closure for myself. Whatever works to get through it with your dignity intact is relevant and unique to all of us in different ways.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 D-Lish, that's right! I agree with you here... You exert a leeeetle power and balance the books... Well played and after all it is (often) (frequently) .. a power play in the final stages .. Oh the power of pure self LOVE - I'm not being facetious. YOU did very well in my book. Choice. Decision. After playing the whole "I agree" card, they often come back either immediataly or down the road- because you've turned things around. I don't ever get back with these guys- but I understand the power of turning the break up back on them.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Same with me. I have a big issue with getting over rejection, so I find solace in turning things around and creating a false, but effective sense of closure for myself. Whatever works to get through it with your dignity intact is relevant and unique to all of us in different ways. I've had woman say I agree with you, when I breakup with them, but I never believe them. Why would anyone wait until you breakup with them to agree with you that its a good idea. To me it just says, that they are playing games and I respect them even less and clearly from what you are saying it is game playing. Often a few weeks later they come back asking to get together as well and I ignore them. The women that say they are disappointed but that they accept the decision, I sometimes second guess because its says they liked me, they are strong emotionally and they are honest. This is why I have a slight problem with the silent treatment. It might evoke a human reaction for the dumper, but why not end it on a positive note.
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