irc333 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I had been emailing back and forth with a woman, and it was going VERY well, she was very impressed with my intiail email and was even into the fact I was the chivalrous nice gentleman that she ahd been looking for. During our dialogue, I had mentioned getting her phone number, but it was pretty quickly that I had asked....but she said she'd rather talk a bit moreon here...I thought fair enough. We continued to further talk online, for a few more times...then .....she just stopped responding. I sent a couple of follow up emails (because I noticed she was signe donline at the same I was) but no response. I sent a final email stating, "I take by your non-response that you had lost interest, and good l uck in your search" After about a week, she replies to me....I thought she wasn't going to reply, but I was kind of shocked that she had, because people don't typically feel obligated to reply and just ignore, when it comes to online dating. She sent an email to me, and said she ahd gotten my responses....but after a time she said she had to be honest with me in taht she had lost some "steam" and thought it was counter productive to get to know someone and find a mate in this fashion. She apologized and wish me luck in my search.....she stated I was a sweet and wonderfully unique gentleman. (If that was the case, would she not be at least meeting me?) I dunno After this, at least she was giving me an honest response? Not sure what that means though? <shrug> This kind of confirms the WHOLE online dating situation though, has it made people less likely to make an effort or "loose steam" as she puts it?
ImThinkingWTF Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I am a female and I had been emailing a guy from okcupid back and forth for some time. I even initiated the contact and I was very interested in him. He sent the last email but, I didnt respond because in between all his emails, I was going on dates...and I met someone that Im interested in. There is just only so much emailing that I am willing to do and there comes a time when we need to meet face to face or I will lose interest or, meet someone else. Maybe thats what happened here?
i'mfaraway Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I like cutting to the chase. But I don't understand her "losing steam" comment after not wanting to give out her number initially. For me, I would have given out my number after chatting for a while on the first chat. I guess it's common that people don't reply. The first time I replied to a message even though I know I wouldn't want to be with the person. I was frank and explained why. He never replied. So now I know that I don't have to be "nice" on online dating.
oaks Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I've done this myself (and been on the receiving end). Sometimes it's because what seemed good to start with turned out to be someone who just didn't turn me on with the conversation, or that we didn't really have as much in common as I first thought, or that some red flags or a dealbreaker came up, or that I met someone else, or I got bored, or I found out that what she wanted and what I wanted weren't quite the same thing. I'm sure that all those people were "sweet and wonderfully unique" but while there was enough in the profiles to make first contact and reply there wasn't enough to want to meet. Simple as that. I'm not sure if her avoiding giving you her number was a hint of things to come (eg, if she was already "unsure" or having doubts about wanting to meet), or if she does that with everyone. For example, I have been on dates with people who never give out their number until the day of the date (even waiting until seeing if the date went well). She was probably being honest with you in her final email, apart from that she omitted "I just wasn't that into you." Sorry it didn't work out.
Disillusioned Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Maybe "she" was just another guy with stolen photos.
Calutaxi484 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Maybe "she" was just another guy with stolen photos. Haha yes! Stephanie is really Ted, a 400lb white man that wears a blonde wig while on the computer. On a serious note to the OP. I've often said "i'd like to chat more" if I had a chick ask for my phone number and I wasn't interested. Basically I was interested in something about the pic/profile (interested enough to reply, accept chat, whatever), but after talking to her a little found out I wasn't interested.
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Maybe "she" was just another guy with stolen photos. or a student doing research for a paper... OLD has many of those to weed thru..
ScienceGal Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I tried online dating and really didn't care for it. The one guy I was emailing back and forth told me that he had made a connection that was becoming more serious and was deleting his account. IMO, that is the respectable thing to do. I wasn't communicating with anyone else, so I deleted my account also.
FitChick Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 It's not worth wasting your time wondering what happened. All that matters is that the person isn't interested any longer. Move on. As many have said ad infinitum, dating is a numbers game. I always look at these situations as blessings because I am one man closer to meeting Mr. Right. It can be tough, though, if you think you've really found a gem.
mtber75 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I like cutting to the chase. But I don't understand her "losing steam" comment after not wanting to give out her number initially. For me, I would have given out my number after chatting for a while on the first chat. I guess it's common that people don't reply. The first time I replied to a message even though I know I wouldn't want to be with the person. I was frank and explained why. He never replied. So now I know that I don't have to be "nice" on online dating. Why didn't you give out your phone number? That shows that your seriously interested in her and leave it up to her to contact you again...Most girls don't like to be pressured or be put on the spot. The other commenter was probably right, she just had to much emails to sort through...Online dating is a numbers game.
Calutaxi484 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) Why didn't you give out your phone number? That shows that your seriously interested in her and leave it up to her to contact you again...Most girls don't like to be pressured or be put on the spot. I don't ever give my phone number to women. If I want to talk to them I always get their number. I see it more the way if you give her your number, you're putting the ball in her court. She then has the control over if, or whenever she calls you. You're the one stuck wondering "is she going to call" instead of her. Edit: From my own experience a lot of women still want the man to take the lead. I'm not talking about being an obsessive control freak. Edited September 20, 2011 by Calutaxi484
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I had been emailing back and forth with a woman, and it was going VERY well, she was very impressed with my intiail email and was even into the fact I was the chivalrous nice gentleman that she ahd been looking for. During our dialogue, I had mentioned getting her phone number, but it was pretty quickly that I had asked....but she said she'd rather talk a bit moreon here...I thought fair enough. We continued to further talk online, for a few more times...then .....she just stopped responding. I sent a couple of follow up emails (because I noticed she was signe donline at the same I was) but no response. I sent a final email stating, "I take by your non-response that you had lost interest, and good l uck in your search" After about a week, she replies to me....I thought she wasn't going to reply, but I was kind of shocked that she had, because people don't typically feel obligated to reply and just ignore, when it comes to online dating. She sent an email to me, and said she ahd gotten my responses....but after a time she said she had to be honest with me in taht she had lost some "steam" and thought it was counter productive to get to know someone and find a mate in this fashion. She apologized and wish me luck in my search.....she stated I was a sweet and wonderfully unique gentleman. (If that was the case, would she not be at least meeting me?) I dunno After this, at least she was giving me an honest response? Not sure what that means though? <shrug> This kind of confirms the WHOLE online dating situation though, has it made people less likely to make an effort or "loose steam" as she puts it? I've never been enthusiastic about online dating... and got tired of meeting people who are essentially complete strangers expecting instant intimacy. The "Google the crap out of you" people.. the "wanna Facebook you people"... The "poring over every detail of your life offering their 0.02" people... At the end of the day... my pace didn't match anyone I met... the propensity for multi-dating... no frame of reference to know if anything they are saying is true or not... fending of one after the next who needed sex by the third date or they were moving on... blah blah blah. Yea, I've given the same response. It had nothing to do with how nice they were or how 'into' them I might be. I just had little or no faith that the interest was anything legitimate, based on reality, or verifiable in the long term.
Author irc333 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Well, turns out just later today, she completely closed her dating account.
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Well, turns out just later today, she completely closed her dating account. Well.. maybe she met someone else...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Well.. maybe she met someone else... I got off of online dating without meeting someone... Not all of us think it is wonderful. I think she told him the truth.. and that it probably had nothing to do with him at all... It sounds like it was more the process she didn't like.
Author irc333 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Yeah this one, and the other woman who STILL won't tell me her FIRST name.
grkBoy Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Frankly, I think she just wasn't into you. Maybe you two chatted and got to know one another a bit, and you "looked good on paper" to her, but you didn't "set her panties on fire". Thus she first was just going to vanish, but your courtesy email made her feel guilty about acting like most women in online dating, so she apologized. If you two were on POF, then she probably dumped her account because she hoped to meet Mr Tall/Hot/Wealthy/Exciting, but found a site full of Average Joes and ugly guys...so she decided not to waste her time on a site full of men she would never date. I'll bet you she'll be back on in a year with the "tried online dating once and met no one...took a break and now I'm trying again" song and dance. I don't think she met someone, but more or less is the type who looks at online dating as "for losers" and felt she took a step down in it...so she's going to probably try the bar scene, friends of friends/coworkers, etc. Nothing new. I still think most people see online dating as "for losers". I could be wrong, or most join hoping no one they know sees them, but just when I talk to anyone on the subject, they are of the mind that only losers join dating sites, or even just embarrassed to admit they tried or are trying one. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM...but it's the vibe I get about how people look at OD in general.
Imajerk17 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Who knows what happened. The thing is, she isn't living in a vacuum. She was communicating with other men, either online, on the phone, or in person, and as she gets into any one of them more, or into online dating less, it affects her opinion of you. She might be overwhelmed with the number of men she was communicating with. Or maybe she went on a date with someone she was into, who didn't feel that way back, and now she is just jaded over the process. Then again, your emails might have been lame. Might be helpful to post what you wrote her.
Author irc333 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Who knows what happened. The thing is, she isn't living in a vacuum. She was communicating with other men, either online, on the phone, or in person, and as she gets into any one of them more, or into online dating less, it affects her opinion of you. She might be overwhelmed with the number of men she was communicating with. Or maybe she went on a date with someone she was into, who didn't feel that way back, and now she is just jaded over the process. Then again, your emails might have been lame. Might be helpful to post what you wrote her. Nah, not lame....more than likely the former or just just flaked at the idea of meeting people for online dating reasons. She deleted the profile, which means it had nothing to do with me, just online dating in general.
Disillusioned Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Edit: From my own experience a lot of women still want the man to take the lead. I'm not talking about being an obsessive control freak. Unfortunately technology is rapidly taking away that option. Women complain all the time that they're not meeting quality guys, but if they don't want to sound like they're whining they need to take the lead and start picking the guys they think they might like. No guts = no guy.
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