yzyzyz325 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) My 21 yrs old ex of 1.5 yrs broke up with me out of the blue more than 4 months ago. I am her first bf of everything. Our relationship went well to me: we never fought, because we had same opinions to almost everything; we only had three cold wars and 1 day break, and they were all for the same reason --- she was very cold and didn't care me that much. I'm a very patient person, I always told myself that it's because she was still green to relationship and had no idea how to deal with it. Also, being cold is part of her personality, she is not a loud or active girl in the first place. Anyway, i was also very cold to my first gf, but it's not bcoz i didnt love her, it's bcoz i didnt knw how to be a bf. And i was shy at that time, just like my current ex. She is a quite moody person. When I asked her why she wanted to break up with me, she actually said she didn't know. I knew she had been extremely busy and stressed with uni study, and as she is a perfectionist, this stress was much greater to her. The great stress could be the reason. However, she then said she didn't like my part time job since i always had to work at wkends; she came to this city much earlier than me, and she had been most of the places we went for dates which were not fresh to her; i shud have met her parents and she would not break up with me if they all like me, etc. All of those reasons sounded quite irrational to me. I told her when a smart couple has a problem, the first thing to do is not run away but try to solve it. Then she came up with the shocking words 'i'm still young, i just want to have fun, i dont want to solve problem'. i couldn't believe my ears when she said that! I couldn't believe these coldhearted words would came out from her month!!! My heart was tore up... I was so confused. I still dont understand why she had to break up and how she could be so cold Edited September 20, 2011 by yzyzyz325
Mack05 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) All your questions answered here buddy -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986 Sadly, there is nothing you can do, but respect her wishes. She is very young and is entitled to live her life the way she see's fit. All you can do is respect her choice and move on. I know that is so hard, but that is what you have to do. Hassling her, begging, pleading and looking for answers will just driver her further away. I personally feel she is way too emotionally immature to be in a relationship right now. Therefore she will not be able to make you happy long term. Looking at it logically mate, most of us (I would confidentally say 9 in 10) meet people at a young age, they are our first loves but it rarely works out. Just chalk it down to experience and move on with your life. The crucial thing is (no matter how bad it gets) is NOT to break NC. I have been through a few of these in my time. The same rules apply to us all..When you are close to breaking no contact and you will be. Print the below and read it.. I Must have Closure (no you don't). You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN.. I just need to make sense of it all" and I just have one more thing to say to you before I let go" (no you don't)...You may think that if you can just talk sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a change to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn the wrongheadedness around. If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can't be the one to "fix" your ex's thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex see's things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you are not around to correct this twisted prespective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone "thinking correctly", and you don't want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible to yours. Perhaps it was evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable differences but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours. Edited September 20, 2011 by Mack05
Author yzyzyz325 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Thx a lot Mack, this is very valuable information. But I am not sure if she has GIGS or not. She is quite immature though. It's been 6 months since the breakup, as far as I know, she has been very busy with study and not seen any new guys. Considering that she is kind of a loner, very self protective, it's normal behavior for her. I think the relationship became a burden to her when she just wanted to focus on herself and did not want to take responsiblity
Dorian85 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Thx a lot Mack, this is very valuable information. But I am not sure if she has GIGS or not. She is quite immature though. It's been 6 months since the breakup, as far as I know, she has been very busy with study and not seen any new guys. Considering that she is kind of a loner, very self protective, it's normal behavior for her. I think the relationship became a burden to her when she just wanted to focus on herself and did not want to take responsiblity Mack05 is right. I just recently (3 days ago) broke it off with my g/f of 2 years because she has a case of the G.I.G.S. , hopefully you know what that is . anyways, we are both 24, but she still feels like she hasn't experienced life to the fullest yet...which in her mind meant that she wanted to party and not feel guilty about having a b/f, so i 100% can relate to you about the relationship being a burden. My advice is to let her live the life that she thinks that she wants. In time, if she realizes that she made a mistake..im sure you'll be the first to know. But what i've learned over being on these forums and reading other peoples stories is that sometimes you cant fight human desires...weather its love, or lust, people are the way they are. Good luck with everything
coltsfan1 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 mack it right and you should reread his message as many times as it takes cause it is the truth!!!!
ChelseaLS Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I wouldn't call it gigs. Sounds to me like she was searching for an answer to end it because she does simply wants to be 21, out experiencing life without being tied down. Considering her age I wouldn't call it gigs... It's part of growing up.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 unfortunately, i am the one who has to pay the debt for her being 21, selfish and irresponsible, which is soooo unfair. I always try to be a good boyfriend, always try to be caring and patient when she is always careless and selfwelled. She said so many heartless and mean things to me when she tried to break up with me. . I dont understand what made her, a kind and moral person, say somethings like that to me when i didnt do anything wrong. AND she didnt even apologize for hurting me so much!!! How come she could be sooooooo f***king callous!!! I dont think being busy and stressed with study can make a person that evil!
Recommended Posts