Never_Say Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 There was an affair for 14 years prior to marriage. It was "on-again - off-again". Fought hard in the end and "won"..... now, married for 7 years and wondering..... Before "married", we were "off"..... and he neglected to state he was pursuing another. Never been able to trust since. Marriage is falling apart..... insanely insecure and jealous. Will these feelings end or would it be easier to start over????? will marriage counseling help or not???? History of low self-esteem....
lolpol Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 you definitely need to seek some professional help. You can buy books and CD's to read too. You need to seek help for yourself (with just you and a professional - working on just you) and i think it would also be good to seek help as a couple also. Your husband chose you. If he loves you he will help you to realise this and that you are all he wants. You don't mention that he has been unfaithful or anything since you married, so don't beat yourself up about the past. Look to the future. by dragging up the past you are causing yourself unnecessary pain and hurt.
stillafool Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Who did you have to fight hard to win? Win what?
Capris Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 There was an affair for 14 years prior to marriage. It was "on-again - off-again". Fought hard in the end and "won"..... now, married for 7 years and wondering..... Before "married", we were "off"..... and he neglected to state he was pursuing another. Never been able to trust since. Marriage is falling apart..... insanely insecure and jealous. Will these feelings end or would it be easier to start over????? will marriage counseling help or not???? History of low self-esteem.... Im a master of insecuirity and jealousy, not proud of it. The key to solve it, is to focus on yourself. Stop concetrating on your R. Being in a relationship with your ex-affair (if i understood correctly) should be full of doubt, i get that. You two got married for a reason. Bright side is that you know how he acts when he is in an affair, but i strongly reccomend you NOT to focus on his acts or you will end up a stalker, if you know what i mean. Jealousy comes from insecuirity, if you dont feel good about yourself, you will never feel secure in any relationship even if it was "normal". Work on yourself. Do seek professional help. Look back in past relationships to identify patterns of jealousy and you will see that its your problem. When you manage to feel so secure with yourself, even if your guy turns out "bad", you will not care! edit: try working out for starters or even easier stuff like go shoping, treat yourself, have a makeover. Small things do wonders!
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