Not interested in a relationship (right now) but don't want to deceive - Any options?

[Red Arremer]

I posted about this in another thread, but since it seems like I kill any thread I touch I figured I'd post about this in its own thread.

 

So anyway, here's the rundown. For reasons that I'm not sure are relevant to this thread, I am not really interested in being in a serious relationship right now. However, I want sex, a LOT, to the point where at any given moment there is about a 30-40% chance at least part of my brain is focused on it. The problem, though, is that I have pretty much zero "game" to speak of whatsoever, and I have never done all that great meeting women (or people in general, for that matter) while out and about.

 

I see a lot of guys on here talking about how they want sex and not a relationship but they'll put that they don't want sex and that they want a relationship on dating sites, hoping to... trick women into having sex with them, I guess. I really don't want to do that though, because not only does that seem like a really crappy thing to do, but I can't imagine that ever even works. But if you're a guy, something like a 7/10 looks-wise (sorry, no pictures, I'm trying to stay as anonymous as possible on here) so decent looking but not hot, and you don't want to be Mr. Trickster, what are your options? There are a few things I can think of but none of them really sound all that appealing:

 

1) Spend a lot of time at clubs, where you are being bombarded by awful music and competing with the experienced players.

2) Join a normal dating site, check the "casual sex" box. Be instantly blocked forever by 99% of the women on the site, essentially destroying any chance of ever eventually finding a relationship there.

3) Join an adult dating site, and spend $30 a month to be advertised to by spambots and escorts.

 

So... any advice? I'm sort of at a loss here. Also keep in mind that I am in a place where prostitution is neither legal nor regulated, so that is unfortunately not an option either. If it was legal and there were good regulations in place to keep things relatively clean and safe, I would be more than okay with it. But it's not, so...

[Andy_K]

I think more women than you'd expect are okay with the idea that the next guy they date isn't going to be 'the one'. What they're not okay with, is the idea that they'll be used like a sperm receptacle and then abandoned.

 

Focus on being a decent guy - call when you say you will, make some effort to remain friendly with whomever you get involved with, be respectful towards whoever you date, and pride yourself on being honest, considerate, and having integrity. That will stop women from feeling used, and some will be ok with casual dating or whatever.

 

Of course, you'll also still need to be interesting and fun for them to want to get involved with you in the first place. But that's a different subject.

[Cypress25]

Why are so many guys opposed to the idea of being in a relationship? Dating is supposed to be fun. If you meet someone who makes you happy, why wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with them?

[verhrzn]

Why are so many guys opposed to the idea of being in a relationship? Dating is supposed to be fun. If you meet someone who makes you happy, why wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with them?

 

I started a thread on that that's now at... 17 pages. Check it out, Nexus thinks I'm a whore! It's great.

 

The answer to you, OP, is to find some female friends/buddies/acquaintances who would be interested in the same thing. Got any female friends? They're probably gonna be your best source for sexy-non-relationships.

 

Or, hire a prostitute. I hear Craigslist is handy as well.

[Cypress25]

Nexus thinks I'm a whore!

 

Nexus thinks everyone is a whore.

 

Got any female friends? They're probably gonna be your best source for sexy-non-relationships.

 

I don't know, this seems like a good way to ruin a friendship.

[Woggle]

Why are so many guys opposed to the idea of being in a relationship? Dating is supposed to be fun. If you meet someone who makes you happy, why wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with them?

 

Maybe he just got hurt and needs time to recover.

[verhrzn]

Nexus thinks everyone is a whore.

I don't know, this seems like a good way to ruin a friendship.

 

It all depends on the girl and the friendship. Honestly, from what I've observed of my male friends, the best no-strings arrangements are ones from the girl is an acquaintance, maybe a friend-of-a-friend. I do NOT suggest close friends or best friends hooking up; that for sure will lead to complications.

 

I never quite get why guys who just want sex don't really consider prostitutes. Condoms protect against a lot of diseases. Is it the stigma of paying for it?

[oaks]

2) Join a normal dating site, check the "casual sex" box. Be instantly blocked forever by 99% of the women on the site, essentially destroying any chance of ever eventually finding a relationship there.

 

You don't want a relationship anyway, so this consequence shouldn't be an issue, and the 99% (or whatever the figure is) don't want casual sex and you don't want to deceive so being blocked from them shouldn't matter either!

 

Anyway, there are options in between "casual sex" and "relationship" on PoF and OKC, so check one of those instead.

[Cypress25]

I never quite get why guys who just want sex don't really consider prostitutes. Condoms protect against a lot of diseases. Is it the stigma of paying for it?

 

They probably don't want to get arrested.

[FitChick]

Go out with women who are newly separated. They've probably not had sex for a long time.

[laotzu]

Honestly, you date people, and you don't assume that whenever you start dating you're going to have to have a relationship. So go on dates with girls, and if you're attracted and they're nice and you don't rush a "relationship" talk, you can probably have sex with them and - when the talk inevitably happens - just be honest and say you're not looking for a serious relationship, but you're willing to be sexually monogamous. If you are, of course. If you're not, you've done nothing wrong, and you should break it off with them. Move on to the next girl and hope that they're looking for something similar. On online dating sites, just make sure that "short term dating" and "new friends" are checked, which won't necessarily block you to the majority of women.

 

Seriously, if you're a 7/10 - which is what I consider myself to be - you shouldn't have too many issues. I've had different girls naked in my bed over the course of a few weeks (granted, full sex only very recently with one of them - but that was by my choice). And I've never lied to any of them or even been deceptive. I frankly find that if you're nice to girls and aren't a creep, they typically want to get laid, too.

[AHardDaysNight]

I also would just like to lose my virginity, and am not anxious for a relationship.

 

The problem of prostitution is that it's illegal where I live. I would get busted for it. I live in a very prudish city, so I'm sure that I would end up in jail (and that terrifies me!)

 

Even the risk of losing my virginity doesn't erase the risk of ending up in handcuffs. I'd rather be a virgin!

[Red Arremer]

Wow, this thread blew up while I was at work. Friggin sweet.

 

The answer to you, OP, is to find some female friends/buddies/acquaintances who would be interested in the same thing.

Real talk, if I had this or thought I could find it, I wouldn't have posted this thread. If only...

 

You don't want a relationship anyway, so this consequence shouldn't be an issue, and the 99% (or whatever the figure is) don't want casual sex and you don't want to deceive so being blocked from them shouldn't matter either!

You're right, I don't want a relationship right now, but I can't be sure I'll be like that forever (and in fact I'd say the odds are good I won't). When that day comes, all those people have blocked me. I am probably making this a bigger deal than it is.

 

Prostitution. It doesn't matter that it's illegal or unregulated.

Yes it does. I have my reasons, but suffice to say this is not something I am interested in doing unless things seriously change in the US. If there is even the slightest chance of being arrested, I want nothing to do with it.

[FitChick]

Use your current profile for casual sex. When you reach a point in your life that you want a real relationship, delete that profile and go for a few weeks with nothing online. Then create another one with new name and photos. You might look familiar to some women but they won't know for sure because, let's face it, most profiles sound and look alike after a while.

[Woggle]

Some men like the achievement if attracting a willing partner. Going to a prostitute is okay for some quick release but it doesn't satisfy like going out there and getting laid.

[Woggle]

That is them. Hookers are not that much fun to me. It is much better for the ego to convince a woman of her own free will to be with you.

[Woggle]

Some of these men are convinced the hookers are into them. My ex told me some hookers did it for free or wanted to because they liked him so much. He said lot of them ended up liking him. I'm sure they didn't but he assumed they were; his ego is huge.

 

He is delusional then. I have no desire to pay somebody that probably hates it so I never visited a hooker.

[oaks]

You're right, I don't want a relationship right now, but I can't be sure I'll be like that forever (and in fact I'd say the odds are good I won't). When that day comes, all those people have blocked me. I am probably making this a bigger deal than it is.

 

As FitChick said, delete it and start again. Yes, you are making this a bigger deal than it is. So, get yourself logged in to PlentyofFish and create that profile!

[somethingsimple]

You don't have to deceive. Just be straight up and say something like "I''m not trying to be someone's boyfriend" hahaha. I tell them we can chill, kick it, or go out. Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes they get emotionally attached, but at least you were up front about it. For the most part, girls like sex just as much as the next guy.

[Red Arremer]

As a woman, let me Say PLEASE be upfront. I encountered a guy who went on 2 dates with me while barely kissing me... he did the Romantic stuff like holding my hand.,. But never told me he actually only wanted sex. Next thing u know he's not making an actual 3rd date w me, just saying "hey come over" late at night. And when I come over but don't sleep w him/go upstairs, he blows me off for good. Dont b this guy!!!

 

Wait, is this the guy from that one thread? That's brutal.

[somethingsimple]

As a woman, let me Say PLEASE be upfront. I encountered a guy who went on 2 dates with me while barely kissing me... he did the Romantic stuff like holding my hand.,. But never told me he actually only wanted sex. Next thing u know he's not making an actual 3rd date w me, just saying "hey come over" late at night. And when I come over but don't sleep w him/go upstairs, he blows me off for good. Dont b this guy!!!

 

I am upfront, when it comes up I usually tell them I'm not looking for anything serious or any relationship. Now, I go out with them, well because I think its fun going on dates and getting to know a person. When sex does happen, its something that happens in the moment, impulsively, not something I conspire before talking or going out with them. Not that it crosses my mind when we are not talking, but its never the purpose of our communication or dates.

 

While I admit, going out on dates for fun and excitement is rather short-lived to a couple of dates. At least I was upfront about it. Sex complicates things in a sense, when we do have sex, the fun and excitement of dating fades. I mean, whats more fun than sex? I mean we might have sex a couple of more times and go on a couple of more dates. Dating in most forms are short-lived if it doesn't end up leading to a relationship. But the truth of the matter is, if she's not seeing eye to eye to me that "I'm not trying to be someone's boyfriend" and she's "not trying to be someone's girlfriend". Then, undoubtedly someone is and will get hurt.

 

My actions might show differently in terms of romance and body language, the principle of it is that I'm not looking for a relationship. And it all leads back to that.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Maybe he just got hurt and needs time to recover.

 

ok, time to be consistent Woggle.

 

It is ok for above guy to go after casual, non-relationship sex but not Verhzn?

[ThsAmericanLife]

I am upfront, when it comes up I usually tell them I'm not looking for anything serious or any relationship. Now, I go out with them, well because I think its fun going on dates and getting to know a person. When sex does happen, its something that happens in the moment, impulsively, not something I conspire before talking or going out with them. Not that it crosses my mind when we are not talking, but its never the purpose of our communication or dates.

 

While I admit, going out on dates for fun and excitement is rather short-lived to a couple of dates. At least I was upfront about it. Sex complicates things in a sense, when we do have sex, the fun and excitement of dating fades. I mean, whats more fun than sex? I mean we might have sex a couple of more times and go on a couple of more dates. Dating in most forms are short-lived if it doesn't end up leading to a relationship. But the truth of the matter is, if she's not seeing eye to eye to me that "I'm not trying to be someone's boyfriend" and she's "not trying to be someone's girlfriend". Then, undoubtedly someone is and will get hurt.

 

My actions might show differently in terms of romance and body language, the principle of it is that I'm not looking for a relationship. And it all leads back to that.

 

my guess is that you probably just go for the ride and hope she doesn't bring it up... like lots of other guys here.

 

I hope you are using condoms at least.

[somethingsimple]

my guess is that you probably just go for the ride and hope she doesn't bring it up... like lots of other guys here.

 

I hope you are using condoms at least.

 

Not exactly, I'm usually up front. I can careless if I get rejected or not.

 

Truth of the matter is I like the attention and company of woman. But I'm at point in my life where I'm trying to improve myself financially, career-wise, and physically. While, finding a gf might definitely be supportive and helpful, I am more concerned about the potential distraction

[snowflakes88]

^^^ Aren't you tired of obsessing about this? Do you even think about anything else?

 

And you should assume a man genuinely likes you when he tells you he does. It's actually quite simple.