KumbaGirl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 A little background: Dating 1.5 years. Boyfriend is never available during the week. He always schedule activities that run from 7 to 8 or later, and on days where he doesn't have activities he works late. This means that during the week he's not available until after 9pm. Thank you to those that responded to the "Alone in a relationship" thread. The catalyst to this question is the 'emotion' unavailability.. Now I'm thinking of a possible solution. I was wondering if you can ask someone to scale down their level of activity to make time to see you or if that is unreasonable request in a relationship? Anyone else had to deal with this? How to deal with it?
country_gurl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 A little background: Dating 1.5 years. Boyfriend is never available during the week. He always schedule activities that run from 7 to 8 or later, and on days where he doesn't have activities he works late. This means that during the week he's not available until after 9pm. Thank you to those that responded to the "Alone in a relationship" thread. The catalyst to this question is the 'emotion' unavailability.. Now I'm thinking of a possible solution. I was wondering if you can ask someone to scale down their level of activity to make time to see you or if that is unreasonable request in a relationship? Anyone else had to deal with this? How to deal with it? I read your other post as well. I don't think a person should HAVE TO ask their partner to scale down their time spent with other activities in order to spend some time with them because I think that one's partner should just WANT to make the time. I think if someone is making you feel like time with you is such a "last priority" that I would simply feel it's time to move on. I would want someone who values time with me just as I do them and if I have to actually "ask" them to make me more of a priority, really, what is the point?....would seem to me that we're just really on different wavelengths. What ages are the 2 of you?
thatone Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 the key words here are "dating" and "1.5 years". the two are mutually exclusive.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I think if someone is making you feel like time with you is such a "last priority" that I would simply feel it's time to move on. I would want someone who values time with me just as I do them and if I have to actually "ask" them to make me more of a priority, really, what is the point?....would seem to me that we're just really on different wavelengths. I agree. (10 chars)
Author KumbaGirl Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I'm in my late twenties and he is in his mid thirties. "Dating" wow yeah...that might have been a freudelian slip. *whoops*
thatone Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I'm in my late twenties and he is in his mid thirties. "Dating" wow yeah...that might have been a freudelian slip. *whoops* it was kinda telling . if you're not past just dating after 1.5 years, someone isn't doing their part.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 it was kinda telling . if you're not past just dating after 1.5 years, someone isn't doing their part. Absolutely right. if he doesnt already WANT to spend more time with you, you see his true agenda, its time to move on.
country_gurl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 ^^^plus he's mid 30s and by that age he's not likely willing to change his lifestyle, I'm afraid. I just don't think you 2 are on the same page. I think he likes the perks of a relationship without having to really be a good partner. I would seriously just stop being available in the evenings and spend the time reassessing things. You've admitted feeling like you're "alone in a relationship." It would be better to be alone as a single person than to feel "alone" in a relationship, don't you think? Stop being so available to him. Get busy doing other things in the evening, even if it's just to be alone to read a book or watch a movie by yourself.
camper15935 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 ^^^ It would be better to be alone as a single person than to feel "alone" in a relationship, don't you think? QTT Your absolutely right on this. Was in a relationship like this and it hurt big time.
shayla Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) My ex had a million reasons why he was too busy to spend time with me. He's a mason. He was the head of the state chapter. Every thing anyone did statewide had to go through him. He had a grandso that he had to take care of. He had an elderly mother. On and on. Anytime something happened in his life, I had to take a back seat. I was dead last on his priority list. When I wanted to leave he would cry beg and plead until I gave in. Always promised it would get better. But it always came back to this. Right up to the day he put a ring on another womans finger. I was a fool to listen to his lies and to be moved by his tears. I will never again allow a man to treat me this way. Edited September 20, 2011 by shayla
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