theresarat Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 It was only 16 years of my life. I thought this time would be better-I thought I truly found love at last. Why did he have to start being so mean so abusive? He has everything a guy could want to be happy but he NEVER is. He comes home from work with a scowl on his face, a look of such disdain you could never imagine comes from love. His vocabulary for me are terms such as "trailer trash" F**** B****, A Hole, he shouts his love words at me. When I cry out from the pain he is quick to tell me to leave-this is his house, he pays the bills. I could never take proper care of myself and should be happy he is WILLING to. I am nothing, I don't deserve any better treatment than what he has give me. He can rant and rave at us (my girls and me) then if the phone rings he is so sweet. That's when I realized how bad this has gotten. Our friends think I am the bad guy in this relationship since he has been going behind my back to everyone crying on their shoulders telling them how horrible I am. And I do mean crying (sobbing really) He is hurt so easily If the girls or I don't treat him in the way he would like he has a complete meltdown. Then he needs to go see a counselor and also has to tell everyone that will listen how bad we are to him. Although he sees no problem in taking the contents of the bathroom garbage and throwing it in my face. Because I am such a pig to have garbage in the can. After my surgery last summer when I came home he did not help take care of me at all. I knew it was over. I have completely fell out of whatever this was. I feel numb inside. His tears mean nothing to me. This summer when I felt enough physical strength returned to me I moved my girls and myself to an apartment. I figure he will not miss us anyway he's got his fishing boat,camper, house, and all our friends to keep him company. I have tried to be a good wife. I gave up all my friends and family for him. I stayed home from a high paying career to be a stay at home mom. But the more I gave up to make him happy the more unhappy he became. I gained over 75 pounds over the last 10 years-I now understand I have been stuffing my feelings with food so that I wouldn't hurt his tender emotions with my own hurt feelings. Like what do you do when your spouse says to you "I'm glad I don't have a pretty wife" hmm don't cry go get some ice cream. Or while he is surfing the internet porn and comments that you are not quite to par with what he sees. And why does he always want me to fix something on my face I had all moles removed from my face, 8 teeth pulled to get braces put on cause he didn't like my crooked teeth-now he's saying he wants my nose fixed, well I wouldn't go through that again for anyone! Had it fixed when I was 14 after it was broken. So after all this and much more I am finally in a place of peace-it's so quiet. I am no longer afraid of 5:00 waiting with dread for him to walk through the door. I am not walking on pins and needles afraid of what will set him off. Then why do I feel so EMPTY, I'm scared, I have not worked in over 10 years it is not so easy to find work and what I have found really sucks. I got a job for $10 an hour it will barely pay the bills. My skills have rusted away and time has made some obsolete. I'm angry this choice was forced on me! I loved my house and now I have a tiny 1 br apartment. I guess my feelings are all over the place. Maybe I need counseling?
Josephina Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I think that all of us going through this separation/divorce process can benefit from counseling - there are a lot of wounds to heal. It sounds like your entire life up until this point has been deeply intertwined with his, and now you are trying to find your identity again, all the while dealing with the realities of housing and work. If you have the time/$, what about trying a class of something you might enjoy?
Author theresarat Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I have been sitting here trying to decide just what I like. sounds weird doesn't it. The things that used to be fun to me just don't sound good now. I think my new thing is sitting at home being pathetic. And it's hard to have time. I have 2 girls 11 and 8. But I will try to find something .
Author theresarat Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I found out today that my husband is on match.com looking for a date he also is searching craigslist for really creepy women. I was outraged! I mean 16 years of marriage and he just doesn't seem to care, 2 weeks after I left he was trolling for women. What does this say about me? I don't matter? Our life together was inconsequential? I hurt so bad it was like a red hot poker being put through my chest. He also had quite a few members of our church over to the house throwing my things in the trash. He gave away my smallest daughters toys to someone that was helping with the "cleanup" . He changed the locks on the front door but before I left I was smart enough to take the back door keys-Pella sliding doors-expensive to change locks. So I was there today taking some of my things. He has completely removed "ME" from the house. My things were in the garage-the stuff he hasn't dumped yet anyway. Like I said we have only been gone not even a month yet. He sounded extremely happy on the phone when my daughter was speaking to him. This is a man that is NEVER happy. I'm so confused and hurt-I feel like nothing!
AllwaysBeDad Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Rest assured he won't be happy either, it's an instinctive reaction to crawl to find women, he wants a replacement, someone to do his laundry and abuse. Perhaps he feels genuinely happy, that 'the b***h is gone' but unless he's devoid of feeling he's trying to quickly fill the hole, with women. Try it yourself, it may sound crude, but if it hurts to think of him with another woman, it'll feel much better when your getting some too. This will be labelled bad advice, it's not a good idea, but it's a quick, temporary solution, with the addition of meeting new people! You've been trapped for 16 years, your now living in a tiny apartment, but your not his or anyone's b***h now! Bad advice or not, you'll feel better, so I'm giving it
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