laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 So here's something that's sort of been eating at me for a few months, as I've been re-navigating the dating waters after a long relationship. It's not as interesting as "I can't get a date with pretty girls - tell me what to do" or "how many characters long should my first text be?", but even one or two good answers could help me out. I'm twenty-nine, with a bachelors degree. I make pretty good money - particularly for my area - but for various reasons I've been considering quitting my job and getting a graduate degree; this was something I was considering, and working towards, while in my relationship, and so I've not abandoned it. The reasons include: A. My job feels boring and I'd like to do something more interesting B. If I'm going to work 50 hours a week or more, I'd like to make $120,000 instead of $70,000. I might be able to do that without a grad degree, but I might not, either. C. I think a post-graduate degree is going to be more and more necessary in the future job market. If you're a girl, and you start dating me in my current position (decent job, good income, etc) would you be less likely to continue dating me if you knew I wanted to take 2 - 3 years off for a masters or a law degree? Would you consider it a pretty big piece of the dating puzzle (i.e. it really bothers you) or would only be ancillary, depending on if you were attracted to me, thought I was funny, smart, and all that other jazz? Grats, LT Note: I'm not letting dating possibilities really impact my decision making process here, but I'm curious nonetheless.
Cypress25 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Well, I'd want to know how you're planning to support yourself when you go back to school. Are you going to keep your current job and take classes at night? Are you going to be a full-time student and get a part-time job? Are you going to stop working entirely and rely on your parents for financial support while you get your degree?
Author laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Well, I'd want to know how you're planning to support yourself when you go back to school. Are you going to keep your current job and take classes at night? Are you going to be a full-time student and get a part-time job? Are you going to stop working entirely and rely on your parents for financial support while you get your degree? It'd be a combination of savings, and working part-time while going back to school. It's possible I could continue to work at my current job and take classes, but I'm not sure if that's the best option overall. It's what I was going to do when I was with my ex and I was going to get married shortly, but that ship has sailed. I don't rely on my parents for anything.
confusedgirl56 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 If you're going back to school, just get the combined MBA/JD. I'm actually doing the same. You'll double your income or more when you're done. And the women you get after that will be 10 times hotter than what you could get right now.
Author laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 If you're going back to school, just get the combined MBA/JD. I'm actually doing the same. You'll double your income or more when you're done. And the women you get after that will be 10 times hotter than what you could get right now. Thanks. An MBA would be a little redundant for me, as I have an accounting/finance degree and a number of years' experience in a large firm. The JD interests me, though I am pretty concerned about saturation in the law industry. I don't necessarily want a lot hotter women... I'd like something fit, smart, and faithful. Well sure, and sort of hot. But I don't need 10x hotter.
Arikel Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 If you can comfortably support yourself without needing to depend on anything, personally, it would impress me as you've got it all planned out
Author laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I wouldn't care either way. I'm not picky; what a guy does with his professional life is his own concern and right. Do you think just because I'm female that I would be "picky" enough to care either way? Not all women are picky. My only requirement is that a guy doesn't hit me and spit in my face and choke me like my ex did. What do I care if you want to go to grad school or not? I don't care about a guy's income btw. Would be fine if he made 30k a year. As long as he doesn't steal money from my bank account (it's happened). What kind of crazy women are picky enough to care if you take time off to go to grad school? It's not that I think women, in particular, are more conc... Wait, I can't believe I was going to write that: yes, I think women are, overall, more concerned with their potential mate's professional prospects than men are with the women they're interested in dating. Just as I think men are more superficially interested in how a girl's looks measure up to his perceived ceiling of hotness, and what his friends will think about how the girl looks. Not across the board, and there are exceptions, but yeah: on the whole. And since I'm interested in girls, I'm interested in what they think.
FitChick Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) There are a lot of unemployed people with advanced degrees. Get a degree in a field where there is and will continue to be a demand. I know too many attorneys who hate their jobs but have to work long hours and weekends to pay back their massive school loans. Why not find a job where they will pick up the tab for part of the fees in exchange for your staying with the company? Win win. Edited September 20, 2011 by FitChick
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 It's not that I think women, in particular, are more conc... Wait, I can't believe I was going to write that: yes, I think women are, overall, more concerned with their potential mate's professional prospects than men are with the women they're interested in dating. Just as I think men are more superficially interested in how a girl's looks measure up to his perceived ceiling of hotness, and what his friends will think about how the girl looks. Not across the board, and there are exceptions, but yeah: on the whole. And since I'm interested in girls, I'm interested in what they think. I'd be less concerned about the financial stuff. Would be more interested to know if he'd be open to negotiating where 'we' live if I decided to be in a serious relationship with him. Too many men just naturally assume the woman is going to follow him after he graduates... If you are not inclined to negotiate those things, then I wouldn't be involved with you knowing you were gonna split as soon as you graduate without considering my career needs too. Also, are you assuming that all of the women you come across are going to have less education that you? How would you feel about being with a woman who had more education or made more money than you?
Cypress25 Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I don't rely on my parents for anything. Then as a woman, no, I wouldn't care if you decided to go back to school. As long as you can take care of yourself, I wouldn't care what you do in terms of education and career. I guess I'm one of the rare women who doesn't care how much money a guy makes. Maybe that's because I have my own career and I don't plan to have kids, so I don't plan to rely on a man for financial support, even when I'm married. I've learned from observing my own parents that a man's earning power has nothing to do with how good or bad a partner he would be. My dad is wealthy enough that he can own 2 houses, a beach condo, 4 cars, and he could send 3 kids to college and grad school without any financial aid. My mom never had to work. But my dad is a jerk with a violent temper and he treats my mom like crap. My mom never had to worry about money, but she sure as hell isn't happy. How a man treats me is much more important than his salary. I don't necessarily want a lot hotter women... I'd like something fit, smart, and faithful. Well sure, and sort of hot. But I don't need 10x hotter. Something? Don't you mean "someone"?
Author laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Also, are you assuming that all of the women you come across are going to have less education that you? How would you feel about being with a woman who had more education or made more money than you? That wouldn't be an issue to me, in either respect. I'd actually be pretty happy and impressed to be with someone with an advanced degree. Earning power means very little to me: which is to say, it wouldn't bother me that she earned more money than I did, as long as she didn't hold it over my head; just as I wouldn't mind at all if she earned less money, as long as she didn't live beyond her means.
Author laotzu Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Then as a woman, no, I wouldn't care if you decided to go back to school. As long as you can take care of yourself, I wouldn't care what you do in terms of education and career. I guess I'm one of the rare women who doesn't care how much money a guy makes. Maybe that's because I have my own career and I don't plan to have kids, so I don't plan to rely on a man for financial support, even when I'm married. Yeah, not planning on having kids makes a big difference - and that's how I'm operating, as well. If I go back to school for a few years and incur tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt, well, I don't plan on children - so it should wash. I've learned from observing my own parents that a man's earning power has nothing to do with how good or bad a partner he would be. My dad is wealthy enough that he can own 2 houses, a beach condo, 4 cars, and he could send 3 kids to college and grad school without any financial aid. My mom never had to work. But my dad is a jerk with a violent temper and he treats my mom like crap. My mom never had to worry about money, but she sure as hell isn't happy. How a man treats me is much more important than his salary. I'm not a materialist; I'm not planning on going back to school to make money to purchase things (or even impress a potential mate) I'm doing it so I can save money and travel, and perhaps - if the world is still kicking around - retire early. But yeah, the above scenario is repeated far too often in relationships. Something? Don't you mean "someone"? I do this far too often, but on both sides of the gender equation. Thanks for calling me out on it.
serial muse Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 So here's something that's sort of been eating at me for a few months, as I've been re-navigating the dating waters after a long relationship. It's not as interesting as "I can't get a date with pretty girls - tell me what to do" or "how many characters long should my first text be?", but even one or two good answers could help me out. I'm twenty-nine, with a bachelors degree. I make pretty good money - particularly for my area - but for various reasons I've been considering quitting my job and getting a graduate degree; this was something I was considering, and working towards, while in my relationship, and so I've not abandoned it. The reasons include: A. My job feels boring and I'd like to do something more interesting B. If I'm going to work 50 hours a week or more, I'd like to make $120,000 instead of $70,000. I might be able to do that without a grad degree, but I might not, either. C. I think a post-graduate degree is going to be more and more necessary in the future job market. If you're a girl, and you start dating me in my current position (decent job, good income, etc) would you be less likely to continue dating me if you knew I wanted to take 2 - 3 years off for a masters or a law degree? Would you consider it a pretty big piece of the dating puzzle (i.e. it really bothers you) or would only be ancillary, depending on if you were attracted to me, thought I was funny, smart, and all that other jazz? Grats, LT Note: I'm not letting dating possibilities really impact my decision making process here, but I'm curious nonetheless. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I tend to relate better to and thus prefer people who are taking active steps to enjoy their lives more, enjoy their careers more, rather than staying in a boring job because it's safe. I would, of course, want to know that you had some sort of plan for supporting yourself (which it sounds like you do) and that you were going into it eyes-open. But if those things are a given, then I certainly wouldn't hesitate to date someone in your situation.
blueskyday Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 A guy with a vision and well thought out plan is a great guy to date! I would give it a go. My only question would be: how much time and energy do you have to put into a relationship with someone? I was with my ex through his masters degree, and he had zero time for me, mentally as well as being physically absent. I could have easily handled less time together. It was the emotional connection that he didn't keep up by calling, being present when we were together. Maybe make sure a woman has the same expectations as you do about time spent together, and how she feels connected to someone. Good luck!
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