KelBel Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 we both grew up in a household where both families are highschool sweethearts and still going strong. He just doesn't want to have other people get hurt like kids and pets. He says it's best to do it now and if we're meant to be together we'll find our way. So is this almost like a test to see if we're meant to be together? He says he doesn't want me too wait cause he's not sure if his feelings will ever change but I don't understand how they just changed in the first place. He was always very commited to this relationship. I'm not sure if he got scared cause the next step to take was marriage and he's just not ready for that yet. I'm so confused. He says he loves me but doens't long for me or have that burning desire inside of him. But doens't that kinda fade over time? I know I can't change the way that he feels...but i realy don't know if he know's how he feels and if some things he's explained is normal not abnormal. Do I cut all ties of communication...I haven't contacted him he's contacted me the last 2 times I've returned messages. By cutting ties will he then figure well i made a mistake move on or will he try to gain contact again? should I see him once in a while once i'm comfortable with that and maybe it'll make him think about us? Do you think its like one last final test or final free summer before full commitment? He feels that onceyou get married that's it nomore fun. I don't know why he thinks that cause we've never stoped oneanother from doing anything before. He says he can see us raising a family together but can't see himself marrying me now because of how he feels. How does that make sense. Is he being strong to kinda get his space? Cause if he looks week he'll know I'll wait? I asked him how he can see a family together and he says its maybe a habit toanswer taht. How is a vision a habbit. I think he jsut got caught and kinda gave an excuse. What is he doing I don't understand? I'm not going to wait forever...but part of my gut tells me he just needs some time and other parts says wake up why would he come back to you if he starts dating other who can offer the same? He says he's sure someday he'll probably regret this. And he's sure he'll never find someone as loving and caring as me. Then what the heck
TxTechGirl04 Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 I know exactly how you are feeling! My bf broke up with me and simply says that he doesn't have feelings anymore. Its hard to understand how someone can say they love you one day and then not the next. We had discussed marriage and children and then he just up and "doesn't care about me anymore". Everytime we talk, he even tells me that he doesnt miss me! I know that it hurts. I don't have any advice for you, just know that there is someone going through the same thing! Maybe we can help each other out a little... My biggest fear is that he'll find someone else :-(!
Author KelBel Posted May 11, 2004 Author Posted May 11, 2004 I am just completely confused. He still wants to be friends and know what I'm up too. So is this his way of keeping up to date with me? I don't know if after the summer when the boys are gone and he starts coming home to an empty house and no one around, then will he start looking at his life and think what did I do? He's the kind of guy who seems like I made a mistake learnt from it now move on. His mom says that he wouldn't deny his emotions/feelings if they were there. I hope he doesn't. That's my fear. That he finds someone else who offers the same as me then why would he come back to me. I hope its just temporary. When we talk on the phone it's quick and short, the last couple of times it was regarding name changes on bills. But he talks like everything is normal. Is he just acting kinda tough as a front? I'm really having troubles reading him and understanding. Why would he have asked me about getting married in a church if he was going to break up with me? It just doesn't add up. Does he say don't wait for me cause my feelings may never change. Cause he wants to get complete space to see how he feels without me.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 Originally posted by KelBel I am just completely confused. He still wants to be friends and know what I'm up too. So is this his way of keeping up to date with me? I don't know if after the summer when the boys are gone and he starts coming home to an empty house and no one around, then will he start looking at his life and think what did I do? He's the kind of guy who seems like I made a mistake learnt from it now move on. His mom says that he wouldn't deny his emotions/feelings if they were there. I hope he doesn't. That's my fear. That he finds someone else who offers the same as me then why would he come back to me. I hope its just temporary. When we talk on the phone it's quick and short, the last couple of times it was regarding name changes on bills. But he talks like everything is normal. Is he just acting kinda tough as a front? I'm really having troubles reading him and understanding. Why would he have asked me about getting married in a church if he was going to break up with me? It just doesn't add up. Does he say don't wait for me cause my feelings may never change. Cause he wants to get complete space to see how he feels without me. my ex wanted to be friends with me too...but everytime i would come over he would leave. So i just left. And i would only call him now...i dont care...but i still want him to come back even tho he found a 16 yr old. Its pathetic
FolderWife Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 I had a boyfriend who loved me then just decided to be "friends for a while" I never knew what happened either! I moved on, and got married 6 months later to someone else. Oh well! Maybe he wants to accomplish more before he gets married, so he's breaking up with you to do all those things before getting married. Maybe the idea of marriage scares him. Maybe he really truely doesn't love you any more, and for the past while he's just been SAYING it, so you wouldn't leave him, or as to not hurt you. I don't get men. I REALLY DON'T. I'll ask my husband tonight why a guy would do this, if I remember to. I asked him something like this before, and he said, "He's probably just tired of her." I started crying. That means that the last guy I was with was "just tired of me". My husband looked like a little kid when he made me cry over that. I ended up falling into his arms, and explaining the pain I'd been through over that break up. Find you a guy who loves you enough not to play these idiodic games!!!
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by Monday I had a boyfriend who loved me then just decided to be "friends for a while" I never knew what happened either! I moved on, and got married 6 months later to someone else. Oh well! Maybe he wants to accomplish more before he gets married, so he's breaking up with you to do all those things before getting married. Maybe the idea of marriage scares him. Maybe he really truely doesn't love you any more, and for the past while he's just been SAYING it, so you wouldn't leave him, or as to not hurt you. I don't get men. I REALLY DON'T. I'll ask my husband tonight why a guy would do this, if I remember to. I asked him something like this before, and he said, "He's probably just tired of her." I started crying. That means that the last guy I was with was "just tired of me". My husband looked like a little kid when he made me cry over that. I ended up falling into his arms, and explaining the pain I'd been through over that break up. Find you a guy who loves you enough not to play these idiodic games!!! yea i had that too..when you see too much of eachother you start to get bored with eachother and that leads to getting tired of them. thats what happened to me..i saw my ex way too much..it was like we had to see eachother everyday...and it just got to the point where it was time to quit. So im hoping that this time between us will bring us back together
Author KelBel Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 Ya i know in my heart that there is no one else. I know though that he is curious probably what it's like to be with others. The thing is he is just extremely busy with work, his uncle even says, he just doesn't have time on his hands to really make a relationship work right now. so he's choosing work over me. My ex said that that wasn't the case. He said that he'd never put his work first. It just sounds like his feelings aren't the same anymore and who knows maybe with time they will change, I hope they do sooner then later. His uncle says that my ex is just too busy that yes he probably s thinking of me once in a while but just in a way doesn't have time to really analyze the situation and his feelings. His uncle said that if he ever came back he can't see it being for a couple of years. Like I'm going to wait that long. Others say that he would realize if he misses you sooner then that. But part of me thinks that he will need to see what it's like to be with others to make extra sure that I'm the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He says the next time we get back together it's only cause he knows that we're gonna get married. I just see him being really independent right now but that life is going to get lonely quickly. Should I just give him a lot of space so he realizes what's missing.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by KelBel Ya i know in my heart that there is no one else. I know though that he is curious probably what it's like to be with others. The thing is he is just extremely busy with work, his uncle even says, he just doesn't have time on his hands to really make a relationship work right now. so he's choosing work over me. My ex said that that wasn't the case. He said that he'd never put his work first. It just sounds like his feelings aren't the same anymore and who knows maybe with time they will change, I hope they do sooner then later. His uncle says that my ex is just too busy that yes he probably s thinking of me once in a while but just in a way doesn't have time to really analyze the situation and his feelings. His uncle said that if he ever came back he can't see it being for a couple of years. Like I'm going to wait that long. Others say that he would realize if he misses you sooner then that. But part of me thinks that he will need to see what it's like to be with others to make extra sure that I'm the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He says the next time we get back together it's only cause he knows that we're gonna get married. I just see him being really independent right now but that life is going to get lonely quickly. Should I just give him a lot of space so he realizes what's missing. yes time changes everything usually. Maybe he needs to see other people to really find out if you're the right one for him or not. Like i said before i believe thats what my ex is doing...dating all the other girls to find out who he really wants to be with..but i know deep down inside that his heart belongs with me. He just doesnt want to admit it.
Author KelBel Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 I don't know if that's where his heart belongs deep down inside because of how confident he sounds in his decision. But it could easily be a front. Did your boyfriend tell you tha he wants to see others but can picture you getting back together? Mine just says he loves me but his heart doesn't long for me he doesn't have that burning desire inside anymore. I think that that all is natural ina way especially for long term and long distance relationships...especially if you talk everyday how are they really going to long for you. So I guess give him his space and see but right now he has not time for relationships because of how busy he is with his work. so I just don't know. I think for all we've been through, mostly good, that his heart may still belong to me and he just doesn't know it cause I"m always there and he just needs to reassure himself. But he's made it clear he's not ready for marriage yet and maybe that's why he's taking this break to see what he wants
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by KelBel I don't know if that's where his heart belongs deep down inside because of how confident he sounds in his decision. But it could easily be a front. Did your boyfriend tell you tha he wants to see others but can picture you getting back together? Mine just says he loves me but his heart doesn't long for me he doesn't have that burning desire inside anymore. I think that that all is natural ina way especially for long term and long distance relationships...especially if you talk everyday how are they really going to long for you. So I guess give him his space and see but right now he has not time for relationships because of how busy he is with his work. so I just don't know. I think for all we've been through, mostly good, that his heart may still belong to me and he just doesn't know it cause I"m always there and he just needs to reassure himself. But he's made it clear he's not ready for marriage yet and maybe that's why he's taking this break to see what he wants no..my ex said that he could see me dating other people..but i cant see him doing it...everyone said that we were perfect for eachother...and that we were so cute together. But he said that he would try to rebuild the love up that he once had for me and that down the road there was a definate potential to get back together..so i duno anymore
Author KelBel Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 My ex didn't say that he wants this break to help rekindled his feelings for me. He's made it clear that it's not fair for me to wait for him because just in case his feelings never change for me. The thing is his reasoning of his heart not longing for me and not having that burning desire, I think in a way is normal. The reason is that burning flame inside dies down a little, or the sparks do over time...and the longing well if you talk every day you don't have the chance to miss eachother so how does his heart have a chance to long for me. Part of me thinks that he's putting up a front of being strong and confident right now because he knows that anything sign of weakness may make me wait for him. I think this is what he had to do to find out what he realy wants in life, and part of me thinks that for all we've been through, mostly all good, it'd be pretty hard to just give up on it all. I partly think his heart deep down wants us to work out but of course he's not going to say that cause then he know's i'll wait and he won't be able to do whatever he's trying to do or figure out right now. I'm just worried for how busy he is he'll just put the thought of us and our relationship on the back burner, and hook up with girls here or there in the mean time. the thing is I could maybe see him going on a few dates and stuff but part of me can't. i think he's just too busy and I think it'll be awkward for him. I just don't know anymore. I've got some hope kinda like I can see us getting back together and then I can also see us never gettin back together for how strong he's being right now. I'm really confused on the whole matter.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by KelBel My ex didn't say that he wants this break to help rekindled his feelings for me. He's made it clear that it's not fair for me to wait for him because just in case his feelings never change for me. The thing is his reasoning of his heart not longing for me and not having that burning desire, I think in a way is normal. The reason is that burning flame inside dies down a little, or the sparks do over time...and the longing well if you talk every day you don't have the chance to miss eachother so how does his heart have a chance to long for me. Part of me thinks that he's putting up a front of being strong and confident right now because he knows that anything sign of weakness may make me wait for him. I think this is what he had to do to find out what he realy wants in life, and part of me thinks that for all we've been through, mostly all good, it'd be pretty hard to just give up on it all. I partly think his heart deep down wants us to work out but of course he's not going to say that cause then he know's i'll wait and he won't be able to do whatever he's trying to do or figure out right now. I'm just worried for how busy he is he'll just put the thought of us and our relationship on the back burner, and hook up with girls here or there in the mean time. the thing is I could maybe see him going on a few dates and stuff but part of me can't. i think he's just too busy and I think it'll be awkward for him. I just don't know anymore. I've got some hope kinda like I can see us getting back together and then I can also see us never gettin back together for how strong he's being right now. I'm really confused on the whole matter. who knows...he might hook up with other girls...but thats only to test what he truly feels. You're not really together with him so he's free to do what he wants.
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