sweet_peach115 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 We were together for 6 months and I ended it in June. I just wasn't ready for a relationship and was feeling trapped. A lot of things have happened over the past few months and I feel as though I've grown a lot emotionally. I can't stop thinking about him and I want a second chance. We haven't spoken since the breakup and I have no idea how to go about this. I decided to send him an FB message yesterday in regards to some random unfinished business but he hasn't responded. If he never responds, should I just let him get on with his life and leave it alone? Or should I call him after a few days?
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not sure. His FB has him listed as single. I'm not in contact with anyone who we know mutually so I don't really have any way of finding out.
Woggle Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not sure. His FB has him listed as single. I'm not in contact with anyone who we know mutually so I don't really have any way of finding out. I asked that because I thought maybe he found somebody and suddenly you wanted him back again. What has made you want a 2nd chance?
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I just feel like I made a mistake. Towards the end of our relationship I was always feeling panicked about his feelings for me and how serious he was trying to get with me. So many things have happened over the summer and I think I am ready now. I've stopped myself from contacting him a few times over the summer because I didn't really know what I was doing. Now I'm afraid its been too long.
gbadboy Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 For whatever reason you might have, make sure first that you truly do want him back. Last thing you want is to get back into it and then want to break up again. If you're absolutely sure this is what you want, send him an email expressing your feelings and in the email, let him know that he can contact you if/whenever he is ready to talk. THen leave it at that, and don't expect a response. He might need his own time and space to figure out if he wants to rush back into something. Bottom line, express your feelings and then leave the ball in his court.
DenumChkn Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Just out of curiosity, did he do anything in particular that made you want him back, like going NC right after the breakup? Did not hearing from him at all for several months make your attraction to him come back? My ex dumped me a little over a month ago and it has been a month of NC and I still really want her back, but am afraid of pushing her away. Should I just continue to try and focus on myself and not contact her, or are there exceptions to all these crazy NC rules people go on and on about on these forums (it totally feels like a game to me). Thanks for any advice
IfiKnewThen Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 i dont know. but i am thinking his pride and fear of what your intentions are is causing him not to respond. what did you say in the email. personally i would absolutely tell him exactly what you told all of us here, almost word for word if you want him back. dont play games. he probably was sad when you broke it off. tell him you feel ready now. ask if u both can you start slow by being friends and communicating...but that you would like a real relationship with him like boyfriend and girlfriend when hes comfortable again. let him know your ultimate intentions. you want a romantic relationship with him ultimately. life is short. time waits for no one. act fast. at least you know you tried. dont live in regret of NOT doing. thats just my honest opinion
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Just out of curiosity, did he do anything in particular that made you want him back, like going NC right after the breakup? Did not hearing from him at all for several months make your attraction to him come back? My ex dumped me a little over a month ago and it has been a month of NC and I still really want her back, but am afraid of pushing her away. Should I just continue to try and focus on myself and not contact her, or are there exceptions to all these crazy NC rules people go on and on about on these forums (it totally feels like a game to me). Thanks for any advice I guess it was the NC on his part. If he had tried to contact me before I knew I was ready then it would have erased all the things I had to go through before I got there. You should just focus on yourself for now. I used to think NC never accomplished anything but helping you move on but maybe there really is something to it.
DenumChkn Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Cool sweet_peach, thank you for the reply. It is kind of inspiring to hear another girl say that since your circumstance sounds pretty similar to mine (just on the other side of it, but also a 6 month relationship). I will try to minimize my hopes of her coming back, but at least my resolve to maintain NC is strengthened. I hope he gets back to you soon and you are both able to work things out. Speaking personally from my perspective, I can't imagine that my feelings will have faded so much in 3-4 months that I wouldn't even reply to my ex if she made a sincere effort to reach out to me. Best of luck and keep your head up
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Cool sweet_peach, thank you for the reply. It is kind of inspiring to hear another girl say that since your circumstance sounds pretty similar to mine (just on the other side of it, but also a 6 month relationship). I will try to minimize my hopes of her coming back, but at least my resolve to maintain NC is strengthened. I hope he gets back to you soon and you are both able to work things out. Speaking personally from my perspective, I can't imagine that my feelings will have faded so much in 3-4 months that I wouldn't even reply to my ex if she made a sincere effort to reach out to me. Best of luck and keep your head up DenumChkn, I hope things work out for you as well. Let me ask you a question: if your ex were to suddenly contact you, would you wait to respond? Or would you respond immeditely? He hasn't responded yet. I figure hes probably decided by now he is better off without me.
othersideofthepillow Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) sweet_peach PLEASE make sure that you ARE wanting to become involved with him in a romantic relationship. i was dumped almost three months ago. the way things ended for me were not so nice by her (on her end it seemed like life was just hitting her all at once so she ran away) and i did not initiate ANY contact with her after the split. she than initiated contact with me. long story short that contact was off and on for the past few months and I (HUUUGGEE EMPHASIS ON I!) thought we were on the road to trying again only to find out that i was being strung along (intentially or not by her it really doesnt matter) and now i am left crushed and alone....again. depending on how high his feeling were for you at the time of the split as well as how the split itself happened can influence why he is taking a long time to respond back. if there are feelings left and you have reached out to him (i believe that a phone call would/would have been best cause its way more personal that a email) and let him know your situation - LAY IT OUT THERE FOR HIM, DONT BE OVER BEARING AND CRAZY BUT YOU NEED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, WHERE YOU WENT WRONG, AND THAT THINGS ARE DIFF AND YOU WANT HIM IN YOUR LIFE AND IF THERE IS ANY POSSIBILITY THAT HE FEELS THE SAME AND CAN FIND IT IN HIMSELF TO TRY AGAIN.....sad to say it but you hurt him already, now you have to be prepared to be hurt if he doesn't want another go at it. i wish that my ex was posting about how she wanted me back but sadly that is not the case in my situation - im a firm believer in second chances (even though i havent had one yet) but best of luck...hope it works out!!!!! Edited September 20, 2011 by othersideofthepillow
DenumChkn Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 That's a tough one peach, it would probably depend on several things: the nature of her contact (I would be less enticed by text messages and online chatting than a phone call), what she said, where I am at personally (seeing someone new?) and most importantly whether or not I still have a desire to get back together. I agree with the poster above that you should CALL him. I wouldn't leave a voice mail necessarily unless you know exactly what you want to say. Call him once every few days for a couple weeks - if he doesn't bother to respond then I think you should probably let it go
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 well he texted me today.... and showed pretty much zero interest in seeing me... thats that then.... I sure screwed that one up
name goeshere Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 well he texted me today.... and showed pretty much zero interest in seeing me... thats that then.... I sure screwed that one up Dont try to restart the relationship right away. become friends again first. Talk to him and slowly buildup the trust and connection. Think of how long it initially takes to build the relationship in the first place. IF he detects you are trying to pursue him right off he will back off just from instinct.
DenumChkn Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It's kind of ironic name goeshere that you'd tell her to be friends first, when ALL OF THE ADVICE on this forum for guys who have been dumped is to NOT BE FRIENDS with your ex :/ You can not be friends with him until he has let go of the emotional pain you inflicted upon him. He also may be seeing someone else and has moved on (for now). You could try to get him to agree to meet you and lay out all your feelings, but as a recent dumpee I now feel that I would not take my ex back unless she were flat out telling me I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND I WANT YOU BACK. I think your best bet though is to start moving on yourself and begin to heal so you can start dating again. Maybe in time he will contact you again, and you will be over it. If you are still wondering about the one you let get away a year+ from now, drop him a line and see what's up. No matter what, know that it will all work out for the best and you will live to love another day
name goeshere Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 It's kind of ironic name goeshere that you'd tell her to be friends first, when ALL OF THE ADVICE on this forum for guys who have been dumped is to NOT BE FRIENDS with your ex :/ You can not be friends with him until he has let go of the emotional pain you inflicted upon him. He also may be seeing someone else and has moved on (for now). You could try to get him to agree to meet you and lay out all your feelings, but as a recent dumpee I now feel that I would not take my ex back unless she were flat out telling me I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND I WANT YOU BACK. I think your best bet though is to start moving on yourself and begin to heal so you can start dating again. Maybe in time he will contact you again, and you will be over it. If you are still wondering about the one you let get away a year+ from now, drop him a line and see what's up. No matter what, know that it will all work out for the best and you will live to love another day from the timeline she gave it has been at least 3 months since the breakup. At that time he could still have romantic feelings and she could try to rekindle them but odds are that those are faded so she needs to start over.
Author sweet_peach115 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 I went out with my friends last night and was drinking beer. Beer makes me extremely emotional and I shouldn't drink it! Anyways, I drunkenly decided it would be an awesome idea to text my ex. I layed out my thoughts on him and I and was completely honest about my feelings. I immediately regretted it and thought he would think I was psychotic. He texted me back this morning. We texted most of the day and he asked if I was free to see him early next week. Who knew drunk texting would actually lead to something good lol I'm just feeling a small amount of elation right now and wanted to share!
TheDovic Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Good for you sweet peach. You've given a lot of hope to a lot of people on this site. Your ex is a lucky man. Good luck to the both of you
Recommended Posts