canithappen Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me this past weekend. We have had a rocky relationship to say the least. It started out with a lot of chemistry and intense feelings. Then it seemed that we were just trying to pick up on a normal relationship, but we were running into problems. We had always talked out what was going on, and both made consious decisions to keep working on it. But, it seemed that we both couldn't let past mistakes go and we kept arguing about the same points. When he broke up with me he said it was because neither of us was happy, which I think is true. But, I still am deeply in love with him, and he said he still loves me. I think we definitely need some time apart, but with the commitment to come back and try again after some reflection. He said he wants to see if it was meant to be and in the meantime still be friends. Most of our mutual friends feel he will realize that he made a mistake and want to get back together with me. My question is does anyone know of situations where a break was exactly what someone needed? Does it ever work out?
DerangedAngel Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 Does it ever work out? Occasionally, if the break is a mutual decision, couples get back together and everything is lovely. This is extremely rare. Most times, if it isn't working, a "break" is only prolonging the "break up". -Deranged
meanttolive4ever Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 well me n my ex decided on a break up....so i duno if we'll get back together..but im crying like a baby now
FolderWife Posted May 11, 2004 Posted May 11, 2004 Breaks work for me...When my husband and I fight tooooo much and too often, I get to the point that I absolutely can not stand him any more. So I take a break. I will put my all into work....work over a little if I have to. I'll come home and change, and go straight to the extra room, and hole up in there until he goes to sleep. I can only stand to do this one or two days though, and we'll start talking again. If our attitudes towards each other haven't changed, and we are still picking fights, I will take more time to myself. In fact, I just came off of a two week break from my husband. I avoided him. After a couple of days of minimal speaking, we'd (obviously) start to miss each other, and we'd attempt our daily routine talking, but it would end up bitter. Sometimes he'd be mad at me before I got home over something stupid. This lasted for two whole weeks this last time, then finally when we'd both had enough space to cool off, we are getting along great again. I know it's not the same exact thing as the "no contact" break. I do still come home to him every day, and he still kisses me goodbye most mornings. We still know we are married, in love, and going to try, but just not right now. So breaks work for us. We usually take a break during my PMS days
Author canithappen Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 Thanks for your advise and encouragement. We haven't spoken for 2 days, which has been killing me. But, I'm going to have to call him either today or tomorrow to deal with something leftover from when we were together. It's killing me deciding weather I should wait until tomorrow and put on a strong front showing him I'm giving him space, or to not shot myself in the foot. He owes me money and I need it this week, and If I call him today, if he can't drop by the money I can stop by his work and get it today. If I call him tomorrow, there's a possibility he will not be able to drop the money off, and if I get it on Friday it's too late. This really sucks. I have been thinking so much on this. I know that we need a break, and I know that if there's any chance for us at all what I need to do is to give it some time and not contact him at all so that he can start to miss me. I was very clingy in our relationship, mostly because of a lack of confidence. I thought that if we broke up, even though he initiated it, I would be ok. I had no idea it would hurt this much. Should I call today, or wait?
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 I have not ever been in a "real relationship" so you can do whatever you want with my opinion. But I think a "break" can help, but the reason it usually doesn't it because of what people do during the break. You can have a 2 day, 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 year break, but if you are still the same, and you don't change during the break then you will both have the same problems over and over again either one of these scenarios will happen: a) you both change, and work out everything, and live happily ever after, b) one of you change, you get back together and realize that you have outgrown the person because they are still the same, or c) both of you decide to stay the same because you realize that whatever you need to change is more important than the relationship, and you either accept the problem, or you leave each other alone for good. Sure you both can realize how much you miss and appreciate each other during the absence, but if you get back the missing and appreciation wears off and you are left with being the same people creating the same relationship over again, and in another 3 months you'll be writing this all over again.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 what i would say basically is to date other people...and see if maybe hes the one...cause if you all are meant to be you wont be able to find anyone else....and neither will he. I dont know what im talking about
faux Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 From my experiences, and what I have seen with others, a break is a break-up — an end to the relationship. You ask if it helps or ever works out. Breaks certainly always work out for the person who has lost interest in you, yes. The only true breaks that ever worked for me, were when I wanted a bit more space in the relationship, or perhaps wanted to phone someone less frequently for a while. Sometimes I, or a past partner, needed a bit more time on their own so we would arrange for it, but we would still remain in the relationship. Generally speaking, if things are not working out that well, one person tends to linger around with hope, and the other just loses interest. The "breaks" that I always hear of seem just like "break ups". I suppose it comes down to if you are still in a relationship, and how you go about giving one another extra space. It comes down to how often you agree to see one another, to speak to one another, and what methods of contact are alright at that time. Be certain to discuss any uncomfortable feelings that you have with this man when you get the chance; it may save you trouble in the end.
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