mzdolphin Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Each day that goes by with NC, I write the NC day on the top of my journal, like keeping count of the Iranian hostages. Then I thought, if the goal is to move on and get over the affair, does counting the NC days serve as a constant reminder? When do we stop counting the days?
MissBee Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I never actually counted days...more so larger chunks like, haven't spoken to him in 2 months, 3 months, a year etc. I stopped counting NC once I truly started moving on. With my ex, I can think about the last I had contact with him if asked, but it is not something I count or write down as my life has naturally moved on and it doesn't come up for me.My life is not based on his absence anymore, his absence became the norm and the norm doesn't need to be noted. NC is only noted because it is not your norm as yet and you're still working towards a new norm. I think you get to that point naturally, where NC is no longer this obvious thing in your life as the only reason it is obvious is because there is a hole where that person once was, so you can't help but count the days of them not being there. But you eventually stop living your life in terms of them and what they have or have not done, and then you naturally stop journaling about them, stop bringing them up in every conversation and it becomes the beautiful process of indifference, in which one day you remember wow....haven't spoken to him in a year and didn't even realize it.
So Very Confused Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I guess if counting the days of NC makes you feel better, then by all means do it. For me the goal isn't NC, but for me to make a healthy, conscious decision not to have the xMM in my life. He still is in occasional contact and some days it rattles my cage more than others, but I feel so much more positive about myself and my life since I proactively decided that he wasn't what I wanted, nor what I would tolerate. Tomorrow I may feel better or worse about it, but today I am happy that I no longer want or need to see him. I'm just taking it one day at a time and I couldn't really tell you how many of those days there have been for me.
ladydesigner Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The same for me regarding the larger chunks thing. I don't obsessively think about it now, but every once in a while something triggers it and I think of how long it has been. This is the same with me as far as NC. Probably the same as someone who is no longer an alcoholic. It sometimes makes me feel good how long I have been NC. One day I am sure it won't even cross my mind.
wannabdone Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 This is the same with me as far as NC. Probably the same as someone who is no longer an alcoholic. It sometimes makes me feel good how long I have been NC. One day I am sure it won't even cross my mind. MY LORD I CAN NOT WAIT TILL THAT DAY COMES!!! I am on day...hmmm...lets see.... 33. I had to count. I stoped after 3 weeks.... but I do stop from time to time to count up how long. I see it as the addict thing...I feel like its my badge of honor.
Gentlegirl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 In the beginning (sounds like the Bible) it was daily, then I forgot to do that. Then it was a monthly. At the moment it is still a month by month thing... 9 by the way. This month has been a month of anniversaries.. quite painful but now they're over it feels much better. Time....I just want this year to be over. I am a firm believer in the old yardstick of a year when it comes to grieving a loss of any kind. Keep on going with the NC. GG
betterdeal Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Throw your journal away and start a new one.
Author mzdolphin Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I guess if counting the days of NC makes you feel better, then by all means do it. For me the goal isn't NC, but for me to make a healthy, conscious decision not to have the xMM in my life. He still is in occasional contact and some days it rattles my cage more than others, but I feel so much more positive about myself and my life since I proactively decided that he wasn't what I wanted, nor what I would tolerate. Tomorrow I may feel better or worse about it, but today I am happy that I no longer want or need to see him. I'm just taking it one day at a time and I couldn't really tell you how many of those days there have been for me. Interesting. I tried the occasional, only through email contact and he would use that to cross boundaries all the time. Meaning in email conversations about professional life, politics, etc. he would just bring up how much he missed me and wanted to be with me. Then earlier this year that graduated to I love you, I'm torn. Then he was coming to town and wanted to see me. That's when I decided to go NC.
Author mzdolphin Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 Throw your journal away and start a new one. As a writer, I have so many journals. I like to revisit them sometimes and see how much I've grown. I started this one to address the NC and totally breaking on ties with exMM. I've noticed that more recent entries have been more about my career, personal goals. I didn't even feel like addressing NC. I think because I broke off the relationship more than a year ago, it was easier to go to NC.
betterdeal Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 I find reading journals excruciating. I don't so much consider what I was like when I wrote them rather what I was like at the times I describe in them. Maybe I can improve that.
Lostinlife4now Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 When you stop counting or lose your count IT MEANS IT IS OVER!!!!!!! YEAH!!!! I have stopped counting and I have lost count.... Now I only think of him a couple of times a day and now that is even fading. I DID IT....I DID IT.....I DID IT......:bunny::bunny: I am living a free and happy life!!!! :p
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