gbadboy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I've posted before so perhaps ppl know my story.......to re-cap quickly...(Please forgive me if this is long, im venting and if anyone has any input , i appreciate. Writing can be very theraputic and I have contributed to reply to other folks posts on here!) My ex and I broke up a few months ago but we maintained a friendship still - however it still was like we were "dating". There was no intmacy but he came over every day and we hung out like normal. I began hookin up with ppl as in my mind we were single. He eventually found out and classified that as cheating. We eventually noramlized a friendship and nothing more he said we can never be together. Then I went to NYC for a weekend and met someone - we hooked up but that was that. I came home and my ex finds out and gets upset at me and throws it in my face - I don't get it? I'm not with you. Anyway a week later he asks me out again this time to offically get back together and I rejected him at the time b/c we were in the midst of an argument. I made a mistake in retrospect and tried to get him back a few days later but no AVAIL. He said he followed his heart to ask me out again and i walked all over and stompped all over his heart. He has since tried to cut me out of his life........avoiding me at all costs and going to my friend for support as he has no real friends of his own. He got put out of his house b/c his parents found out he's gay and he had no where to go- so he's stayin at my friends place. He's young (23 and im 32) and needs so much guidance and direction in life and i wish i could be there to provide that, but he's too upset at me. For 2 months he's been very furious with me for rejecting him even though i admitted i made a mistake rejecting him and wanted to work it out he said the damage was done and he's moving foward. But as of last week, i went over to my friends place and we finally had a good conversation - yes we argued but for the first time in a long time we began to laugh, joke. We talked and I asked him to work it out but he said he doesnt want to because he feels I truly dont love him and feels I truly dont know what i want in life and that instead want to string him along and meet guys on the side. NOthing could be further from the truth, but whatever, thats his point of view.......... He said he's upset b/c he was suppose to join my family and he said i was never affectionate nor had sex with him (this is true) But......What does it mean when I'm sitting on top of him and while I'm talking to him about working it out , he's playing with my ear!? (cleaning my ear while im talkin to him), he's fixing my clothes while im talkin to him, he's dusting dust off my shirt while im talking to him.? What does it mean when im crying his shoulder and he's embracing me? What does it mean when he accuses me of talkin to ppl recently? (first of all he shouldnt be askin me who i been talkin to now as its not his place)? He even went through my cell phone to see briefly who was in my phone....and read some of my messages. I have nothing to hide, so i gladly showed him and he found nothing incriminating. Ever since he told me he's done with me ive been thrown into a depression, affecting my work, eating habits, social life, physical and mental well being........ But its like, I feel he still has those feelings there buried under a lot of hurt. He wiped the tears from my face with his hands, and he told me he doesn't like to see people he cares about cry. He told me he wants me in his life as a friend one day....... And when I was ready to leave , he said im not bothering him and asked me to stay and invite my brother over (my brother is cool with him) but i stuck to my guns and left b/c i just felt i had too. Being his friend will be too difficult for me as im in love with him. And when i told him this he said "what, u wanna ruin the friendship too?" and he also said "many ppl remain friends with ppl they love" But its just something i cant do. I know its wrong to blame urself completey for the failure of a relationship but I can honestly say I wasnt the best bf to him. I was never affectionate with him even though he expressed this to me, i didnt make efforts to change. Worse yet is i never did much "stuff" with him (if you get my drift) , in fact he had to force me to do stuff and when i did, it was quick and very low key stuff. Not sure why this was. Anyway, I really want him back so as to fix everything but i know its too late.......i offered to give him the world, but he's too upset. Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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