Has anyone here ever been friends with an ex after a break up?

[Ginger Beer]

If so, how long did it take before you were friends again?

 

Did feelings resurface for any of you?

[A7X]

Years later and it's not good friends, more like FB friends and never talking. I have to admit that I've had pretty bad breakups in the past 8 years or so where I got treated like I was worthless when all I did was treat the girls I was with like princess'. So I still hold a grudge against these ppl and don't really want to be friends with them.

[Ginger Beer]

Years later and it's not good friends, more like FB friends and never talking. I have to admit that I've had pretty bad breakups in the past 8 years or so where I got treated like I was worthless when all I did was treat the girls I was with like princess'. So I still hold a grudge against these ppl and don't really want to be friends with them.

 

I can understand holding the grudge. Did you never miss the friendship you had though?

[dreamcity]

Yes. You're probably not going to be super-close friends, at least not for a while. The one guy I was really heartbroken over years ago... we were sort of friends but I was always wanting more. Then didn't see him for a year or so, just because I wasn't in town, and when I saw him again we got on great. Probably could have become pretty good friends again but I left town again. But still, I think there's hope.

 

Now to get my current ex to be my friend, damn it. Oh, and might meet up with yet another ex while I'm in this city, one I haven't seen for years. We have nothing in common, but it'll be good to see where he's at! So yes, definitely.

[gbadboy]

My first ex bf of 6 years and I broke up in Sep 2009. We couldn't even dream of being friends. Today, I honestly think I could somewhat be his friend, although i know feelings might and could resurface.

 

My current x, who im having a difficult time getting over and I are not speaking at the moment. We had a great closure conversation and it was positive and we expressed how we care about each other and how we would be there for each other if we ever needed someone but basically we're both going NC on each other.

 

I hurt him a lot in our relationship which is why he's avoiding me. At first, I tried to hold onto a friendship b/c the thought of not havin him in my life would be unbareable. However, after deep thought, I realize that being friends with someone I love will hurt MORE than cutting him off completely.

[sleepykitten]

Yes, am friends with 2 of my ex's, ones my ex husband we broke up 3 and a half yrs ago, it was a very amicable split though and more credit to him though as i really hurt him was going through a very difficult time with some issues etc which caused me to behave rather erratically, but he stood by me and supported me even though i left-at the time my self esteem was in the toilet and i didnt think i was good enough for him, i also didnt think i could be the person he needed to be...anyway i digress, we are very good friends, in fact we're having luch tomorrow. He is with someone else and due to have a baby in feb.

I am also friends with an ex who dumped me about 18 yrs ago, i was heartroken, total devestation, took me years to get him out of my head. He wants me back now, well he has done for the past 10 yrs but I really am not interested at all. I like him, think he's funny, interesting etc but cant imagine sleeping with him, or being with him. If you told my 18 yr old self that all those yrs ago I would never have believed it, this guy was my first love!

[A7X]

I can understand holding the grudge. Did you never miss the friendship you had though?

 

Nope the friendship we had left out the window when they caused me the pain they did. I don't want to be friends with people that hurt me.

 

And as some others have said, when you still have feelings for the person, I don't think that friendship is the path to take, there will always be dissapointment of wanting more and not moving on because you keep hope since they are in your life.

[gbadboy]

I dont think its possible for ex's do be friends immediately after a break up. If they're able to be friends right after then they were never in love.

 

My ex and I had a civil closure conversation last week but since then we've both gone NC on each other. I hurt him a lot in our relationship , I unfortunately was unfaithful to which Im living in regret, he still tried to make it work but I rejected him when he asked me out (another mistake) - and overall, I wasn't the most affectionate person towards him - nor did I have sexual relationship with him.

 

Im living with all of this regret now. If I could turn the clock back, Id do it. and try to fix myself.

 

He is upset with me because I was "the one" and he said he was suppose to join my family.

 

So the nature of the breakup revolves around much hurt and as a result it is impossible to be friends with him . WE do care about each other still and we said we'd always be here for each other if we needed it..........and he wants me in his life one day as a friend but......

 

I cannot be friends with someone I love. It hurts not to speak to him, see him or be around him, but i would prefer that than to speak to him see him and be around him as a friend when I know I want more.

 

Don't be friends......it will pay off in the end. The only time I want to see or hear from him if he is willinging to reconcile with me. Thats the only time.

[dreamcity]

I really do think it's possible to be friends. If you're seeing each other every day than it's probably not healthy and there's something else going on... but really, to me it's appalling that you should throw out however many years of closeness because you're not sleeping together any more.

[radiodarcy]

i tried being friends with the ex after three months of NC. but it backfired horribly when he started carrying on about how badly he wanted a girlfriend and would tell me whenever he had a date lined up and h ow it went the next day.

 

i tried being neutral but one of the things i noticed was that not long after we became friendly i found myself being reminded of all the things that made me love him in the first place. we had been friends before anything happened. it makes me wish we had never moved past friends. as he does have a lot of good qualities.

 

i knew it i didn't get out of the friendship fast, i was going to get into the same situation i was in before. with me begging and pleading with him to take me back and him refusing. so i just went back NC and have stayed there every since (6+ months).

 

i agree with A7X, a friendship with the ex isn't a good idea. as long as there are feelings there you are always going to want more.

[maylis]

If so, how long did it take before you were friends again?

 

Did feelings resurface for any of you?

 

 

I'm friends with all mine except one. It definitely takes some time and I think it depends on how long you have dated and the terms of the breakup. For example for me to be friends with the one that cheated, that was not easy but after a very long time he is actually one of my best friends now. There are absolutely no feelings and he of course has since apologized for being a **** up, we talk to each other about our love interests and ask each other advice etc etc. It's totally normal now but I think we did not talk for quite a few years.

[gbadboy]

Friends is only only possible after a good amount of time IF you've truly gotten over them.

 

The thing with me though is that if you truly truly loved that person, then seeing them after 3 years or so to start a friendship might just make you remember them and hence feelings resurface.

 

Granted, there are ppl that I dated that I didnt fall for and I could easily easily easily be their friend - easily.

 

It all depends on the degree of love you had for that person.

[Fleabitten]

I don't really think being close friends with an ex is healthy - especially not for any future relationships. After enough time has past - civil and caring, absolutely, especially if you share a social group - but "best friends"? Hell no. Most people will not be happy in a relationship where their new partner has an ex who constantly calls, thinks it's a good idea to hang out a few times a week and go on holidays together.

 

Be civil and polite but let go of your ex as a close friend.

 

Yes, I'm bitter.

[Fleabitten]

I'm friends with all mine except one. It definitely takes some time and I think it depends on how long you have dated and the terms of the breakup. For example for me to be friends with the one that cheated, that was not easy but after a very long time he is actually one of my best friends now. There are absolutely no feelings and he of course has since apologized for being a **** up, we talk to each other about our love interests and ask each other advice etc etc. It's totally normal now but I think we did not talk for quite a few years.

 

See, I would be VERY unhappy with a partner who discussed "love interests" (ie me) with their ex. Come on, surely there are other friends for that kind of conversation.

[maylis]

See, I would be VERY unhappy with a partner who discussed "love interests" (ie me) with their ex. Come on, surely there are other friends for that kind of conversation.

 

 

Dude, we dated like 10 years ago now. He is my friend, I can hardly even think of him as my ex now.

[Fleabitten]

Gbadboy, i take it you are a gay male? For some reason I think you might have a slightly better chance at being friends with exes - most of my gay friends manage to be healthy friends with exes so much better than straights. I've often talked about this dynamic with them and we've never really understood why it seems to work out better, but in my experience it often seems to. (there are certainly exceptions if course)

[shortee143]

I have to say, I do think it is awesome if two people split, and can reconnect as friends. My ex and I were friends prior to dating...but I still cant see us begin friends again bc I just dont know if I can truly forgive him for everything he has put me though. We see each other a lot, as we are in the same social circle, but at this point, i dont even bother speaking with him. It will be interesting to see where things go..since we going to be in each other's lives. Right now, I am still hurt/angry...and he is busy with his new girlfriend If it can be done, than more power to ya. You both were important people to each other...but it def is hard for a lot of people!!