Vokes Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) I'm new around here and this looked like a helpful place to post, so I just wanted to get something off me chest. Will try to keep things short and to the point. I have been dating a girl for about 6 months. I have never felt the things I feel for this girl before, to say I am head over heels is an understatement. Anyhow, she had been with a couple different guys before I met her and apparently they were just around for sex, and she said she felt used by them but needed to feel wanted. As a result of this she is now hesitant/scared of sex. There are a few things kicking around in my head which I cant get out. I sometimes see these guys and it really messes with me as you know the first things that pops into my skull. I am also jealous in a weird way as well. I have told her I am fine waiting however long she wants as I really do see a future here, and she has told me how she knows I am not like them. I am also inexperienced so feel no need to rush. On the other hand the fact that these guys have experienced things with her that I haven't makes me, well, I am not sure how to describe it. The fact that things happened in short relationships with these guys seems to be something I cant get out of my head. I am not even sure what my question is (just nice to write things out), I just don't really know how to deal with my own mind above all else. I also have some regret for not asking her out when I first met her, which would have pre-dated these guys... Edited September 19, 2011 by Vokes
Jynxx Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I'm new around here and this looked like a helpful place to post, so I just wanted to get something off me chest. Will try to keep things short and to the point. I have been dating a girl for about 6 months. I have never felt the things I feel for this girl before, to say I am head over heels is an understatement. Anyhow, she had been with a couple different guys before I met her and apparently they were just around for sex, and she said she felt used by them but needed to feel wanted. As a result of this she is now hesitant/scared of sex. There are a few things kicking around in my head which I cant get out. I sometimes see these guys and it really messes with me as you know the first things that pops into my skull. I am also jealous in a weird way as well. I have told her I am fine waiting however long she wants as I really do see a future here, and she has told me how she knows I am not like them. I am also inexperienced so feel no need to rush. On the other hand the fact that these guys have experienced things with her that I haven't makes me, well, I am not sure how to describe it. The fact that things happened in short relationships with these guys seems to be something I cant get out of my head. I am not even sure what my question is (just nice to write things out), I just don't really know how to deal with my own mind above all else. I also have some regret for not asking her out when I first met her, which would have pre-dated these guys... You feel like she had sexual chemistry so strong she couldn't resist with other guys, but her sexual chemistry with you is lower so she manages to control it. And you're kind of right. I can't really advice you in this case, but in the future relationships try to build sexual attraction before starting to date.
Desensitized Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 If you really want, you could end things with her and give her time to "recover" so you don't have to "pay" for her previous hurt. Only if you want to, of course. Your choice. This would also give you a chance to become more experienced, if you so wish to do so.
make me believe Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 It's her responsibility to deal with her past hurts and her feelings before she enters into a relationship with someone new. It's totally unfair of her to make you pay for what she WILLINGLY did with other guys and now regrets. It's no wonder that it bothers you! Honestly I would break up with her. If she's so damaged from the past that she can't have a normal functioning relationship with you now, then there's nothing you can do about it & she needs to be alone while she figures things out.
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