watermelonjuice Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 What do you think of a guy that only wants to chat online but not write you an email? This guy only wants to IM but not write a proper email getting to know each other. What gives? Too lazy? Red flag?
oaks Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 What do you think of a guy that only wants to chat online but not write you an email? This guy only wants to IM but not write a proper email getting to know each other. What gives? Too lazy? Red flag? For some people IM is 'better' than email and it's part of an escalation along the lines of: email -> IM -> text messaging -> phone call -> meet in person. If your style of communication clashes with his then maybe it's an area of incompatibility, which some people call a red flag. Is he really being lazy to actually want a real-time conversation with you? Not sure how you get to that conclusion (!) but you don't have to like it.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 For some people IM is 'better' than email and it's part of an escalation along the lines of: email -> IM -> text messaging -> phone call -> meet in person. If your style of communication clashes with his then maybe it's an area of incompatibility, which some people call a red flag. Is he really being lazy to actually want a real-time conversation with you? Not sure how you get to that conclusion (!) but you don't have to like it. I have that idea because an email requires at least a paragraph but on IMs, you just need a few words each time. And most times you get a lot of prompts, like the other person would ask questions or you can easily respond to his/her previous comments. An email needs someone to start on a fresh page and comes up with things to say.
oaks Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I have that idea because an email requires at least a paragraph but on IMs, you just need a few words each time. And most times you get a lot of prompts, like the other person would ask questions or you can easily respond to his/her previous comments. An email needs someone to start on a fresh page and comes up with things to say. Ahh. Lazy in the sense of being unimaginative? I think IM requires more time, hence isn't lazy, but perhaps it requires less brain power. On the other hand, with an email you can spend as long as you like carefully crafting the words - drafting, editing, spell checking - whereas with IM you generally have to be a little bit quicker with your responses and sometimes you can get a sense of somebody's conversation style that way. I'm not a big fan of IM - I'd rather just hurry up and meet in person - but it's a tool that's there and sometimes it's an appropriate one to use.
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 And since I haven't been on IM, we haven't had a chance to chat. You would think he would at least send me a short email. If that's not disinterest or laziness, I don't know what is.
Cypress25 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 That's why I turned off the IM feature on the dating site I use. If a guy wants to talk to me, he can send me an email. Of course, that means he'll have to write more than "hey" to get my attention, and he might have to delay gratification until I reply to his email. I find the IMs annoying and it's basically a guy's way of saying "I'm lazy and I want your attention NOW."
piggyoink Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 Do you like people that write postal letters to you too?
thehead Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 For some people IM is 'better' than email and it's part of an escalation along the lines of: email -> IM -> text messaging -> phone call -> meet in person. If your style of communication clashes with his then maybe it's an area of incompatibility, which some people call a red flag. Is he really being lazy to actually want a real-time conversation with you? Not sure how you get to that conclusion (!) but you don't have to like it. ^This. Insist on a phone call before you dump him though. Maybe communicating across email is just a particular pet peeve of his or something *shrug*.
country_gurl Posted September 20, 2011 Posted September 20, 2011 (edited) I've turned off the IM feature on the dating site I'm on because I find being bombarded with IM requests is intrusive and annoying; I don't just chat with random guys just because they want to chat. I find it equally as annoying when a guy will send me a quick initial email along with his cell # explaining that he either hates to type or that it's more convenient to talk on the phone. This drives me nuts. I need to learn the basics about someone long before I decide whether I'm interested in talking on the phone to them. I have no idea why a guy would use online dating as a means to meet someone if he's got such an aversion to typing, seems pretty stupid (or lazy?) to me. Just as I'm choosy and discerning when it comes to someone I might be interested in getting to know, I would hope that the guy would be as choosy/discerning. I also find it annoying when guys send nothing but one one-line email after another. I don't expect them to write a novel but good communication is important to me and the ability to share a bit about oneself (as I do). In defense of guys though, I think some might prefer IM over email because they just don't really know what to write in an email as it's somewhat foreign to them so with IM there's more back and forth interaction and they are better able to just sort of go with the flow of the conversation as opposed to racking their brain trying to come up with an interesting email? Truth be told though, the few times I have been willing to IM, it almost always didn't take all that long for the chat to turn sexual on their end. That being said, I guess I learned sooner than later what they were really all about/looking for. Edited September 20, 2011 by country_gurl
Author watermelonjuice Posted September 20, 2011 Author Posted September 20, 2011 I'm not opposed to IM-ing. I quite enjoy it with someone that's of the same wavelength. I just don't like that it's the only communication tool. There's this guy I've yet to be able to communicate with just because we aren't online at the same time. I believe by now I should next him.
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