Buttercup84 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 So I just had my first date in two years . He was nice but it was so awkward and felt forced . Just didn't feel it . Makes me sad because on my first date with my ex we talked for six hours and had such a spark . I miss him . I'm afraid I'll never feel that again .
Mack05 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) So I just had my first date in two years . He was nice but it was so awkward and felt forced . Just didn't feel it . Makes me sad because on my first date with my ex we talked for six hours and had such a spark . I miss him . I'm afraid I'll never feel that again . Buttercup sadly I was expecting this post. It's prefectly normal by the way. I remember going on a date with a girl around 2 months after my last breakup. As I get ready for the date and as I was on the way to meet her, I noticed that there was no nervousness. No excitement. Then I started thinking of my ex and our first date. I was sick with nerves going to meet her. We actually had an amazing first date. Laughed, joked, got drunk and laughed some more. Had one kiss goodnight and felt the magic, the electricity was coursing through my veins. At that stage, I may as well have turned around and gone home but I could never be that rude. I went out on the date and it went how I expected it to go. Nice girl, but I didn't feel a thing. I am reading a REALLY good book now. "Why can't you read my mind". There is a section in the book called toxic thinking. The author makes a point. If your thoughts are negative about something, how do people expect the reality to be any different? I am happy you went out (as it is part of the healing process) but if you remember my post in your other date thread, I told you this would happen. Why? Because of your mindset. You are not over your ex. He still has your heart. You went out not expecting much from this date and what happened?Exactly what you are thinking. As long as your mindset is "I will never meet someone like my ex" then guess what? you won't meet someone like your ex. That is your 'toxic thinking 'at work. The truth and reality are very different. 1) Your ex aint all that, I'm sorry (i've read your posts) but he is not. But for you to stay with a guy like him and remember him fondly means you must have low esteem. 2) You will not meet somelike like your ex, you will meet someone much better. To way to truly get over your ex is rebuild self esteem. By rebuilding your self esteem you are changing your opinion about yourself and then you start viewing yourself in a different light. Negative thoughts turn to positive thoughts. Bad dates turn into good one's. It's up to you now Buttercup. You either start your journal and stick to the goals or look back on a guy who does not deserve your love or one more second more of your attention. Stay miserable and negative, post for another 6 months about this loser or start to turn this thing around. Up to you Buttercup.. Edited September 19, 2011 by Mack05
shayla Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Sometimes you just have to show up. You have to act as if everything is cool. You have to do with your head what your heart cannot yet do. Shoot I went out with someone for a month or so. I was not feeling himat all! But it got easier to get out there and put myself in the right frame of mind to meet someone that I could love. I had fun in spite of myself. But I had to make it happen.
Author Buttercup84 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Buttercup sadly I was expecting this post. It's prefectly normal by the way. I remember going on a date with a girl around 2 months after my last breakup. As I get ready for the date and as I was on the way to meet her, I noticed that there was no nervousness. No excitement. Then I started thinking of my ex and our first date. I was sick with nerves going to meet her. We actually had an amazing first date. Laughed, joked, got drunk and laughed some more. Had one kiss goodnight and felt the magic, the electricity was coursing through my veins. At that stage, I may as well have turned around and gone home but I could never be that rude. I went out on the date and it went how I expected it to go. Nice girl, but I didn't feel a thing. I am reading a REALLY good book now. "Why can't you read my mind". There is a section in the book called toxic thinking. The author makes a point. If your thoughts are negative about something, how do people expect the reality to be any different? I am happy you went out (as it is part of the healing process) but if you remember my post in your other date thread, I told you this would happen. Why? Because of your mindset. You are not over your ex. He still has your heart. You went out not expecting much from this date and what happened?Exactly what you are thinking. As long as your mindset is "I will never meet someone like my ex" then guess what? you won't meet someone like your ex. That is your 'toxic thinking 'at work. The truth and reality are very different. 1) Your ex aint all that, I'm sorry (i've read your posts) but he is not. But for you to stay with a guy like him and remember him fondly means you must have low esteem. 2) You will not meet somelike like your ex, you will meet someone much better. To way to truly get over your ex is rebuild self esteem. By rebuilding your self esteem you are changing your opinion about yourself and then you start viewing yourself in a different light. Negative thoughts turn to positive thoughts. Bad dates turn into good one's. It's up to you now Buttercup. You either start your journal and stick to the goals or look back on a guy who does not deserve your love or one more second more of your attention. Stay miserable and negative, post for another 6 months about this loser or start to turn this thing around. Up to you Buttercup.. Aaah Mack I really needed that thank you.Your words always help me. I knew I wasn't ready to date yet. He was nice , good looking and has a good career but all I could think of was my ex.The guy wasn't into me too , so it is Ok. I will start the journal and heal. I just think I expected to meet someone and be blown away and get over my ex.But I need to do that myself. Thank you again.
Author Buttercup84 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 Sometimes you just have to show up. You have to act as if everything is cool. You have to do with your head what your heart cannot yet do. Shoot I went out with someone for a month or so. I was not feeling himat all! But it got easier to get out there and put myself in the right frame of mind to meet someone that I could love. I had fun in spite of myself. But I had to make it happen. Yeah , true. I guess at least I got the first date after my break up out of the way.Sigh.Thank you.
Mack05 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Buttercup anytime. I have seen so many posters here on LS in very similar situations to yours, posting very similar stories. Believe me it gets better (even right now it doesn't feel like it). Yesterday, I received an 'update' private mail from a poster here on LS. It was full of optimism and hope. It was great and uplifting to read a girl who was where you are right now, overcome her heartbreak and become a better stronger person. You will overcome this also (I have zero doubt). It's just a matter of when. Do what you have to do to get over this. There will be backward steps, sleepless nights and bad dates. Just keep moving forward, even when you don't feel like it. Keep moving forward.. You are making progress, even though you don't see it..
ScienceGal Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Sometimes you just have to show up. You have to act as if everything is cool. You have to do with your head what your heart cannot yet do. Shoot I went out with someone for a month or so. I was not feeling himat all! But it got easier to get out there and put myself in the right frame of mind to meet someone that I could love. I had fun in spite of myself. But I had to make it happen. This is what I just did. I went on three dates, not caring one bit what he thought of me. I was pleasant and nice, but I had zero emotion tied to it. It felt very platonic. We ended up not hitting it off, and I don't plan to see the guy again. There was no spark, but it is a step forward nonetheless. My ex has moved on, and that's what I want too, I just can't yet. I don't plan on "forcing" myself again either. One thing that has been common in all of my past relationships is that I knew very early on that I was interested. If I don't feel that immediately, there is no point in forcing it with attempts to "move on". I'd rather be single and focus on myself. So Buttercup, realize that everything is progress, even if it's just realizing that you didn't like something. Learning is never a failure
mike588 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I felt the same after my 2 dates. I just wasn't into it and also felt that no one could replace her. So sad. I've decided not to date again until I completely thru this living hell.
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Two things: 1. Well done for having the courage to go out a try. You're stronger than me in that way! 2. What's the odds you'd have found "the one" on your very first date? (Not very likely - right?), but you're one step closer now
M2155 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Absolutely agree with previous posters. Plus dating kinda sucks period because you have to kiss so many frogs regardless of mindset. So just know you are making good progress by at least getting around new people. When you least expect it, it will happen
Arikel Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Its ok that you don't feel attraction to the person you are currently dating. You need time to heal Buttercup, and, nothing wrong with meeting new people, especially if you meet up for like coffee or something just to 'meet friends', no pressure on 'dating'. There will come a time when you realize there are a lot of great people out there, they may not be the ones you want to date or be with, but as a platonic male friend, they make you realize you ARE a great person and people do want to be with you. I'm doing the same thing as you are, and you know what? I feel so much better now. The first dates were a bit miserable, but I know where I am and what I need now, so I'm not pressuring myself. I haven't met a 'future bf' yet, and I don't feel the spark with anyone .. but we still had an enjoyable with good conversation, and my self esteem has gone up! I feel better about myself, I still think about the ex, but I don't have this urge to call him anymore. He's still in my head, but the physical pain is passing. You will get there too Buttercup, just be strong, stick to NC, and vent on LS if you need hughug
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