If someone breaks up with you and seems to still like you do they come back?

[RatsAreCool]

Alright Thieves. I think that's a little more what I was looking for. It's not that I don't see that it's a "bad" situation. It's just that my guy friends were telling me he just got sick of me and that if he liked me "enough" he'd be in a relationship with me. I didn't feel that that was the case and was looking for some backup is all.

 

I'm doing better today. After finding some articles on fear of emotional intimacy and realizing that they are him up, down, and all over, I think I've realized it wasn't me, nor even how much he liked me, just his issues. And I can accept that now. I'm choosing to ignore my jaded guy friends.

 

(also I don't appreciate the insinuation that just because I was sleeping with a guy I wasn't in a relationship with means I have a lot of casual sex, it took me a month to decide that I wanted to, we didn't even kiss until a week into hanging out or whatever, and anyway I've only slept with one other person besides him, the guy I lost my virginity to, my first boyfriend who I was with for two years, and it took him a year into the relationship to get some from me, so HA. Please, don't act all high and mighty just 'cause you've never done it, I used to think that I was better than other people too because I never had, until I realized that I WASN'T.)

[RatsAreCool]

Also thank you Thieves. I forgot that part.

[RatsAreCool]

Also, one last thing in explanation to my behavior--I have an anxiety disorder, so knowing why something happened is extremely important to me, and I'll obsess over it until I feel like I figured it out or until I just stop caring. Not healthy I know, but it's how I roll. Don't worry, that's what the therapist is for.

 

And you should STILL be nice to her because she didn't "diagnose" him, she just gave me her opinion on him. She said she sensed a lot of fear in him and that she predicted he'd keep hanging around but would be perfectly content being friends, which I can't handle right now, so to keep my distance. It IS a therapist's job to tell you their opinion on people in your life--example, they think your mother is controlling and it's affecting you, they tell you that, even if they've never met your mother. Because it's about YOU and they're there to help YOU.

 

Sorry but I really like my therapist.

 

And I don't have casual sex! Yet...

[dreamcity]

Yeah, but should you have casual sex in the future that doesn't make you a bad person is my point!

 

And no Mack05, I don't disagree with you on everything. Actually I agree with a lot of what you've posted on other threads... I just think people are to quick to blame women for the fact that relationships are misery these days. Well, they were miserable back in the day too, you just had to stay with the person you were miserable with!

[geegirl]

It IS a therapist's job to tell you their opinion on people in your life--example, they think your mother is controlling and it's affecting you, they tell you that, even if they've never met your mother. Because it's about YOU and they're there to help YOU.

 

It is the therapist's job to tell you HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION with a controlling mother, and not to diagnose your mother. There is a difference. I don't care if you like your therapist or not. Keep seeing her if she works for you. I was stating an opinion. If you don't like it, ignore it.

 

You can have all the casual sex you want, not want, whatever. No one is judging you. I was having a debate with regards to what Daremo said and I quoted it and gave HIM my take and my opinion on casual sex and what it means to me, as the conversation somehow derailed into that topic. It was not directed at you.

 

Good luck to you.

[RatsAreCool]

And I maintain that she didn't diagnose him, she told me what she thought of the situation and how I should handle it. In essence, she said "your mother is controlling, here's what to do about it." But OK.

[RatsAreCool]

"I don't think 'living' is sleeping with a person who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. In my eyes the OP needs to respect herself more, but I will not judge her for doing things the way she wants to do things."

 

In my relatively short years, it's been my experience that when someone says "I'm not judging you" what they're really saying is "I'm totally judging you but I'm not going to say so because I think I'm better than you, which is its own form of judging."

 

I slept with a guy I wasn't technically in a relationship with. That doesn't mean it was casual. I used to be the same way as you until I realized something. "relationship" is just a word. There are "relationships" where women have been treated with way less respect than I was. There are FWB situations where women have been treated with more.

 

Just because I never called the guy my boyfriend doesn't mean it didn't mean anything to me... or HIM for that matter. The dude teared up when he broke up with me. Think it was "casual" sex still?

 

 

 

 

 

Also.... when did this become a discussion about my personal sexual history, which, as we've established, includes two people, mister "OP needs to respect herself more?" Don't pretend you've never been a puppy for someone because everyone has. "Everybody plays the fool, there's no exception to the rule." I'll bet you've gone to an ex's house crying and begging for her back, or thought you wouldn't live because some chick who didn't give a damn about you walked out the door. Just because my version involved sex doesn't mean I need to "respect myself more"... because I would have wanted him just the same even if sex weren't involved. I probably would have cried just the same. I probably would have written this post, just the same, only minus the sex part. So HA.

 

Sometimes the key isn't respecting yourself more. Sometimes the key is accepting that if you didn't occasionally get so wrapped up in something like this that you lost yourself a little, you don't have a soul. Which is TRUE. Because only pathetic monsters have never let themselves get hurt.

 

I will bear my scars and count myself brave for having earned them. Still think I need to respect myself more?

[Mack05]

I dont agree that 'rats are cool' and we dont agree on very much, so I shall leave your thread and wish you well..