If you would, consider my situation; I need some outside thoughts

[Quantumketchup]

Well, I guess I should start at the beginning...

 

I'm 16, and I'm in a pipe band. I've been in the band for almost 8 years. Girls my age have come and gone in the band, and I never really felt much for any of them outside of the band. Almost two years ago, a girl 1 year my junior joined the band, and I didn't really feel anything toward her. She joined in November, along with her father, mother, and uncle. Her family was fun to have in the band, but I never really thought about her outside of band, and we never did anything that wasn't band related. Around August, we started talking on Facebook late into the night. We would talk about a lot of deep stuff too: life, worldviews, music, likes, dislikes, etc. She ended up confessing to me that she liked me, but I wasn't ready to commit to her. As an aside, it should be noted that I was involved in a complicated long-distance relationship thing with a Québécoise girl whom I had met on vacation in Florida. What we had should've just been a casual little fling down there, but, we being new to the relationship scene, decided to stay in heavy contact after the vacation. Anyway, because I didn't yet harbor feelings that were quite strong enough for her yet to give up my "romance" with the Québécoise, and I didn't want anything to be awkward in the band with me dating her (her family was still relatively new, and I didn't want to have to worry about what would happen if we broke up in the band), so I told her that I would tell her that I like her too, but it'd be better to date some people at our own school first (we go to different schools) before we endeavor to date someone at a different school. I told her this because I knew that I did connect to her, but I didn't want to give up hope on a "relationship" that had been established earlier with the Québécoise. She appreciated my honesty, and we continued on our lives. Around March, all that I had with the Québécoise had finally died, and around June, the fling that the girl had with a guy at her school (who turned out to be a jerk) had ended because he didn't want a relationship with her; he only wanted a physical relationship with her. This summer, we actually started talking and hanging out a lot. It was so much fun with her, and she quickly became one of my best friends. The hours would just blur when I was with her, and I felt like we could do anything and it'd be a blast, or we could talk about anything and it wouldn't be weird. I started to develop some true feelings for her. I told her that I liked her, and she told me that she liked me too, but what I had told her the previous summer, she took a lot of stock in it. She said that she just wanted to keep working on the friendship and really build the foundation for something great, and her reasoning for not dating me (and ultimately wanting to date someone first) was that the "first never lasts," and she was able to see us lasting. As the summer went on, we spent a lot more time together, and things seemed to somehow be getting so much better between us. We started talking about stuff like hand holding and snuggling, etc. My family loved her, and her family treated me like one of their own. I thought I could convince her that she didn't need to worry about the first not lasting, but when I brought it up, it elicited the same response as before, and all of the times I brought it up, she'd kind of retract a little bit from where we had been, but she'd always snap back in full force with the friendship. Well, one time the subject came up on accident, and she ended up telling me that she didn't like me. She told me that, in the time we'd spent together over the summer, I'd felt more like a cousin to her than a boyfriend. I was absolutely devastated when she told me that because I'd developed feelings of love toward her. Her mom told me that that night, her daughter came into her room sobbing that it was all over, that she had messed everything up, and that I just wouldn't stop pushing. I started talking to her mom a lot through Facebook and texting. She became my window of sorts into her daughter's mind and psyche. Every time prior to the big blow up, the daughter had always bounced back from her retreats after my advances, but this time was different. She stopped texting me, and when we got together, she started ogling over every guy, and she kept physical distance from me, as well as emotional distance (she'd seldom talk to me). Still though, her mom told me that, not a week after the big blow up, her daughter told her that she could see herself marrying me some day. That gave me hope to continue on, as I'd often imagined my life with her too. It was still weird though, because she continued to act oddly in front of me, and we'd seldom communicate when we weren't together. In this time, her mom became quite the crutch to me, and she still is a crutch to me. I think my mind supplemented my communication with her daughter with communication with her, and it gave me someone upon which to unload my inner demons and to make known my fears and doubts. Her daughter still believes that she needs to date someone first, so her mom has been trying to push her to do such. I texted the daughter the other day, asking why she'd been acting so strange around her because I simply wanted to be her friend. She told me that it's been weird because she "knows" I still like her, and she said it's even weirder because she likes somebody else. I told her that I didn't care, and I just wanted to be her friend (a little bit of a lie...). She said okay, and we've been together once since then, and I saw a little bit of the old her again. I love her, and I've told her mom that, and her mom is pleased to death about that. Her mom wants to see the two of us together, and she has supported me a lot through this. There is no girl I want to be with but her, and I want to do what it takes to get her. I have two questions: Knowing all that I've said...

 

(1) Should I wait for her, or should I get a girlfriend to spite her and show her that I can move on?

 

(2) Should I continue to hang out with her a lot at risk of becoming her emotional lapdog and at risk of more deeply securing a position in the "friend zone," or should I cut her off to make her realize that she misses me (it's hard to miss something that's always in front of you)?

 

To all who have read all that I wrote, I commend you. To all that have considered all that I wrote, I thank you.

 

 

Mike

[Quantumketchup]

Please do not let this thread die. I could really use some guidance in this situation.

[LYAL]

Wait for her..Maybe she wasn't ready that time