U1987 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 So I've been using OKC extensively for the past month or so, sending mass messages out to girls I found attractive and such. The return rate is much much higher on OKC than POF (about 20% response rate on OKC instead of the 8% - 10% on POF) but that means twice as many flakes too. I've actually gone on dates with 4 girls I chatted up, but the girls weren't as attractive in real life as they were online. I've learned that if a girl is an 8 in her profile, she's about a 6 to a 7 in person, so if I want 8's and 9's, I have to go for girls who look like 10's and 11's. The problem is, how can a guy possibly compete with all the other guys messaging her? How can I even guarantee I won't be pushed down to the bottom by the flood of messages from other guys? How do you get the really beautiful girls on online dating?
Cypress25 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 How do you get the really beautiful girls on online dating? You have to be equal to them. You can't expect to get more than you give. The problem is, how can a guy possibly compete with all the other guys messaging her? How can I even guarantee I won't be pushed down to the bottom by the flood of messages from other guys? If you want to stand out, you'll have to read the girl's profile and write a personal message that is targeted specifically to her. Guys who do this are the ones who stand out because most guys do what you've been doing: they copy/paste the same generic message to every girl. A personal message that shows you actually read her profile is a rare gem indeed. Most guys don't want to do that because they're too lazy, and then they complain when they don't get the girls they want. Online dating is like anything else in life. You get out of it what you put in. If you're not willing to make an effort, you'll never get what you want.
Author U1987 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Posted September 19, 2011 If you want to stand out, you'll have to read the girl's profile and write a personal message that is targeted specifically to her. Guys who do this are the ones who stand out because most guys do what you've been doing: they copy/paste the same generic message to every girl. A personal message that shows you actually read her profile is a rare gem indeed. Most guys don't want to do that because they're too lazy, and then they complain when they don't get the girls they want. I've experiment with highly detailed, personalized messages but these never worked. Some successful veteran online-daters on here actually told me it's counter-productive; a highly detailed, personalized message comes off as overbearing and creepy since you've never met the girl. And trust me, considering that most messages never get responded to, it's really, really disappointing when you take the time to write a really sincere, thoughtful message and it doesn't get responded to or even read. It's a really big let down. This has been my 1'st Contact Message format; it's part personalized, part copy-paste. Hey (her name), what's good? I gotta tell you, your profile really came off the page. You come off as (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #1), (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #2) and maybe just a little bit (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #3). I like that, and I can totally dig anyone who's into (interest of hers); I'm into (similar interest of mine) myself. I think we'll enjoy learning more about each other, so get back to me soon. Have a good one ; ) What do you think?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The really beautiful ones don't need to do that. They can't move in real life without someone drooling over them and wanting to make them theirs.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 This has been my 1'st Contact Message format; it's part personalized, part copy-paste. What do you think? ... I wouldn't respond to that message. (and personally, I like highly detailed and *unique* messages...) also, you aren't asking any real questions. What is she going to "get back" to you with exactly? You want her to open up with: "WOW do you like that too / something similar? Never even heard of anyone else who has". Or do you want her to thank you for the compliments? At some point (in real life and online) those become annoying, dull/drab, off-putting and the like (and depending, they can come across as very generic...). Don't just say you think you'll enjoy learning more about her, *begin* trying to a little bit.
oaks Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I've experiment with highly detailed, personalized messages but these never worked. Some successful veteran online-daters on here actually told me it's counter-productive; a highly detailed, personalized message comes off as overbearing and creepy since you've never met the girl. And trust me, considering that most messages never get responded to, it's really, really disappointing when you take the time to write a really sincere, thoughtful message and it doesn't get responded to or even read. It's a really big let down. I remember the previous threads (and I even contributed to some) but how long does it really take to write a unique message? I assume you're reading the profiles anyway, rather than just looking for photos of hot girls, in order to try to pick people you have common interests with (and it sounds like you are from the way you write your messages) so you're already putting in half of the effort. The time it takes to cut and paste that form and insert the unique bits probably only saves you a minute or two compared with writing something from scratch. Maybe it's your typing skills that need improving, to speed things up.
grkBoy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 How do you get the really beautiful girls on online dating? You have to be the kind of man they want. If a girl is a perfect 10 and is on OKC or any dating site, she'll probably get hit with loads of emails. With that much choice on her hands, she can easily whittle down the list to a few potentials. So if she's got 100 guys, she can easily and will probably eliminate first anyone she doesn't find physically attractive. From there she'll delete the guys who seemingly don't have careers...so the financial planner stays and the bartender goes. From there I imagine she'll then read the profiles and reply to the guys who read off nicely to her. I'm sure some will counter this, but I believe you have to be the kind of man they want. If she wants tall, handsome, athletic, successful, confident, and exciting...then you have to be that or end up with your emails deleted.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 How do you get the really beautiful girls on online dating? Make her believe it isn't all about her looks. My guess is that, despite all the PUA tricks, your obsession with looks over whatever else she might have going for her is oozing out of your every pore. Beautiful (smart) women can pick this up like a bloodhound. Change your attitude inside first. Sorry. No instant results, buddy.
CarrieT Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Hey (her name), what's good? I gotta tell you, your profile really came off the page. You come off as (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #1), (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #2) and maybe just a little bit (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #3). I like that, and I can totally dig anyone who's into (interest of hers); I'm into (similar interest of mine) myself. I think we'll enjoy learning more about each other, so get back to me soon. Have a good one ; ) I have highlighted what are the big red flags for me. Perhaps because I am older, but this banter shows a lack of intelligence, especially the "gotta" phrase. It is so casual as to feel impersonal and it sounds like you are a player. And what is up with an opening like, "what's good?" Sounds completely lame to me...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I am in completely agreement with American Life and CarrieT. The message you send these girls sounds very immature. And since you are only really interested in their looks, you really aren't offering them much in return.
oaks Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I gotta tell you, your profile really came off the page. You come off as (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #1), (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #2) and maybe just a little bit (non-sexual, non-looks-related compliment #3). I don't usually bother with compliments at all in an opening message. I see that you're not going for "you're beautiful" or "nice breasts" but to me (and here I'm clearly projecting my views onto the woman I'm contacting, which may be wrong) I find compliments from total strangers, before we've been introduced, sound insincere. I assume that she'll end up thinking something like "hey, mister, you don't even know me so why are you telling me that I come over as Confident, Adventurous and just a little bit Funny and anyway I'm damn Funny thankyouverymuch" (or whatever the non-sexual, non-looks-related compliments are). In your case you're trying for the really attractive ones, so (I imagine) they get compliments about everything all the time, which lessens the impact of your compliments even further. As for "your profile really came off the page", it's almost a cliché, in the sense that it's just a (less banal) way of saying "I like your profile" which is unnecessary (because of course you do or you wouldn't be writing). Cut out the unnecessary stuff and you have less to type (so it's easier to craft a uniquely typed message). If I had a template, it would look like this: (Unique stuff here, probably 2 or 3 lines, relating to something in her profile or pictures that intersects with something about me) (Unique stuff here, too, about something in her profile that I'm actually interested in. Maybe including a question if there wasn't one above.) (Maybe even some unique stuff here, too, if I feel like it, but I don't want it to be too long.) regards, myfirstnamegoeshere I could cut-and-paste that and then fill in the blanks, but since I can type "regards" with just one hand it hardly seems worth the effort.
Feelsgoodman Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I have highlighted what are the big red flags for me. Perhaps because I am older, but this banter shows a lack of intelligence, especially the "gotta" phrase. It is so casual as to feel impersonal and it sounds like you are a player. And what is up with an opening like, "what's good?" Sounds completely lame to me... Don't you think that, being in your late 40s and twice the OP's age, you are not the best person to be giving advice on how to write messages to 20-something year old girls (assuming that's the demographic he's aiming for)? I don't know what you write in your messages, but I'm pretty sure your grandmother would have disapproved of their contents...in fact, she probably would have disapproved of the concept of online dating altogether.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 You have to be good looking yourself. Sorry, but it's the truth.
CarrieT Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Don't you think that, being in your late 40s and twice the OP's age, you are not the best person to be giving advice on how to write messages to 20-something year old girls (assuming that's the demographic he's aiming for)? I don't know what you write in your messages, but I'm pretty sure your grandmother would have disapproved of their contents...in fact, she probably would have disapproved of the concept of online dating altogether. I *did* add the caveat that I was older to take my comment as it was. Perhaps 20-something girls don't mind words like "gotta" and I'll admit to not knowing the street slang that makes up most of the "txt spk" which exists. BUT - and this is pretty universally true if you read these boards - many 20-something girls who post on this site and elsewhere complain that the guys seem immature. Doesn't that say something? Perhaps if the guys were a little more serious and less adolescent, they might get further with the girls they want.
oaks Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 The return rate is much much higher on OKC than POF (about 20% response rate on OKC instead of the 8% - 10% on POF) but that means twice as many flakes too. On the other hand, ignore my previous advice. You're already getting a 20% response rate. You can't, realistically, expect every woman to be interested in you (some won't like the way you look, some will already be busy dating someone else, some are only on the site for a joke etc) but if you're getting 1 in 5 responding to you then you're not doing too badly!
madjac74 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 So I've been using OKC extensively for the past month or so, sending mass messages out to girls I found attractive and such. The return rate is much much higher on OKC than POF (about 20% response rate on OKC instead of the 8% - 10% on POF) but that means twice as many flakes too. I've actually gone on dates with 4 girls I chatted up, but the girls weren't as attractive in real life as they were online. I've learned that if a girl is an 8 in her profile, she's about a 6 to a 7 in person, so if I want 8's and 9's, I have to go for girls who look like 10's and 11's. The problem is, how can a guy possibly compete with all the other guys messaging her? How can I even guarantee I won't be pushed down to the bottom by the flood of messages from other guys? How do you get the really beautiful girls on online dating? Look into the girls with no pictures. Really pretty girls with any intelligence (You may not care about that i dont know) wont put their pictures on their profile because they dont want every creepy d-bag on the site bothering them. I met a girl this way. Took a chance because I found her profile to be witty and unique. She eventually sent me a few pics which werent great but I could tell she at least had potential. When I met her in person my jaw nearly hit the floor because she was absolutely gorgeous.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Hello, again. Just as I tell you every time you start one of these threads: "Getting" exceptionally beautiful women to casually screw you simply is NOT the same as going to an online merchant and making a purchase. Unless you want to accomplish your goal via an escort service, which I think I've advised before. There is NO formula that is going to work, unless you just have an extremely massive stroke of good luck one day. ALL women who have any sense of self-worth are going to be taking a good, hard look AT YOU. It's not about trying to experiment with different bait, it's about BEING the bait. I know what you are "offering" women. You are "offering" them a chance to be boinked by you. You claim to be reasonably good looking. That's all. You don't want a relationship, you don't want to spend time with women, you don't want to experience conversation and communication with any of them, and you don't want to spend money on them. You most definitely don't come off as any fun at all, or of having a sense of humor ... or a personality ... And from all your threads, I would be flabbergasted if your ability to sexually blow the minds of the ladies is very well honed, so they're not going to be lining up for that. So, you are just offering these "8 - 10's" the opportunity to be used as a receptacle for your frustrated sexual energy. That's not really the way it works, my friend. Get it through your head that spectacular looking women can pick from amongst many, many guys - plenty of whom are really funny, cool, engaging, rich, amazing lovers, brilliant conversationalists, wildly successful at whatever they do, hotter than they are, blah blah blah. Try to develop your personality to a very high level, if you want and expect to be able to lure the most beautiful women into casual sex. Or, earn a huge pile of money. Or, make sure that you are a mind boggling lover who can absolutely make it worthwhile for a woman who is "an 8 - 10" () to have sex with you just for the earth shattering thrills YOU will provide for HER. Once you are positive you can OFFER (note that I keep returning to the concept of what you OFFER as opposed to what you are trying to GET from women) this, detail your techniques in the "casual encounters" section, or whatever; specify that you are ONLY offering to perform your lovemaking extravaganza with women who are "8's to 10's," look like an irresistible god in your photos, and sit back and wait.
Calutaxi484 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I usually opt for something clever instead of "hey we both like football that's awesome" because that's not interesting or fun to most women. What works best for me ( not saying it'll work great for you) is trying to have some fun in a conversation. There's a lady that I was talking to that had something like "don't message me if you can't spell definitely" in her profile. Here's my first email to her: "You've tipped your hand against would be misspellers by spelling definitely right! You could always be tricky and ask them to spell tomorrow." It might not seem all that amazing but it accomplishes a few things. It shows I actually read the profile, without making a huge wall of text. It's witty, and not something like " hey what's up", or "hey there beautiful" or something else generic and boring.
D-Lish Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 I've experiment with highly detailed, personalized messages but these never worked. Some successful veteran online-daters on here actually told me it's counter-productive; a highly detailed, personalized message comes off as overbearing and creepy since you've never met the girl. And trust me, considering that most messages never get responded to, it's really, really disappointing when you take the time to write a really sincere, thoughtful message and it doesn't get responded to or even read. It's a really big let down. This has been my 1'st Contact Message format; it's part personalized, part copy-paste. What do you think? I think that even that's too much. One sentence is enough. Just like you message people based on what they look like, women won't answer you just because you have a perfect message. There is no such thing as a perfect message. Women will message you back based on your pictures. I myself look at a pic first, then look at what they are looking for- then read their profile if all else passes. I won't go beyond a pic if I have no attraction to them.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 "You've tipped your hand against would be misspellers by spelling definitely right! You could always be tricky and ask them to spell tomorrow." It might not seem all that amazing but it accomplishes a few things. It shows I actually read the profile, without making a huge wall of text. It's witty, and not something like " hey what's up", or "hey there beautiful" or something else generic and boring. That's certainly more intriguing. OP - if you attempt the more playful approach, just be wary of misinterpretations. Sometimes it's hard to discern what's intended to be light but striking and what's just plain strange/rude/tactless (although the latter would still probably be more interesting =x).
Negative Nancy Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) U187, it has to be a really tailored message. this is how my boyfriend "got me", he is good at spotting people's interests and mentions it in a message and that gives ppl a reason to reply. i.e. on my profile i stated i liked nyc and already his subject referred to that specific interest. so instead of the generic "hi" or "hey cutie" or "hello there" like tons of other people usually do (yawn), his subject line was "you like new york?" and that made me look at the message, cos he probably had something interesting to say (of course, since he mentioned one of my favorite cities). then in the message he didnt make it about ME specifically (wow, you look so gorgeous, blah blah, women hear that schmooz a million times a day and know exactly what it's geared at), but he kept on talking about his experiences when he lived there. that made me curious and made me reply to him because it actually was a conversation with some substance right from the get-go. in the end it also helped that i looked at his profile and and learned that he shared another interest of mine, so the conversation took off and was constantly flowing. However, with what you wrote I wouldn't even have opened it, nor looked at your profile. So the message you posted? Lame as f*ck. I would have not replied to that, too generic, too boring and your intention clearly shines thru. if all you wanna do is hook-up and easy sex, maybe sites like AFF are better suited for your needs. but i bet at least half of the profiles there are fake, so why not follow mmes advice and use an escort service? as long as you treat the normal online dating sites as nothing more than a meat market so obviously, your real intentions will come thru and most women, especially the quality ones, will be turned off cos guys like you are a dime a dozen. nothing about you sticks out in that message. you've got a lot to learn. It shows I actually read the profile, without making a huge wall of text. It's witty, and not something like " hey what's up", or "hey there beautiful" or something else generic and boring. u got it. Edited September 19, 2011 by Negative Nancy
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Can anyone address the real issue, which is: How can this particular person known as U1987 use online dating to achieve casual sex with women whom he ranks as 8's, 9's and 10's? Without revealing his intentions? Keep in mind that this poster has not had any real life relationships with women since his appearance here on LS, at least, that went anywhere (sexually, or otherwise). He doesn't like talking with or spending time with women, either. My opinion, obviously, is that U1987 should abandon this pursuit and figure out what it is about him that makes him un-sexy to women, and then work on improving that. While knowing, of course, that the percentage of men who actually manage to "trick" multiple extremely beautiful women into having sex with them is pretty small. Being a real Cassanova takes a pretty specific skill set and group of attributes.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Mme. Chaucer's posts are spot on. UI1987, are you "really attractive," as in a 9 or a 10, like those you're seeking? Are you successful, wealthy, popular, and/or charismatic? If not, what DO you have to offer a woman who probably gets propositioned by every man on the dating site? What do you have that makes you better than all those other guys? Judging by your posts on here, it's certainly not your kind heart, your compassion, or your shining personality. And considering your age and the fact that you're still in school, it's unlikely that you're successful and/or financially well-off. The only thing that's gone unanswered is whether or not you're attractive. If you're not a 9 or 10 yourself, and you also possess none of the other attributes that "9 and 10" women tend to look for...what really makes you think they're just going to go weak at the knees for casual sex with you?
betterdeal Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Why not move to San Fernando and start a career in porn? If you get in with the right stable, you can having meaningless mechanical sex with pretty women day in day out.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 Why not move to San Fernando and start a career in porn? If you get in with the right stable, you can having meaningless mechanical sex with pretty women day in day out. THAT is super good and reasonable advice! OP, you could realize your goals, as well as improve your financial status. As long as your ... member ... is significantly impressive and functional, I don't think there are any insurmountable requirements.
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